Total Hero Team

by MJ Hibbett (and Steve)

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Total Hero Team (free) 01:44
Total Hero Team Total Hero Team Fighting for freedom All over the world If you cry out for justice Then your cries will be heard by the Total Hero Team Total Hero Team Flying and Fighting Very exciting Total Hero Team Using our powers In the fight against crime If it's naughty o'clock then It's a quarter past time for the Total Hero Team! Total Hero Team Total Hero Team No-one is braver We're here to save you Total Hero Team We're like a super John Lewis We're even Nicer than toast Subsidised cafeteria And we'll sign for your post In the Total Hero Team Total Hero Team We're chartered employers Please come and join us – Total Hero Team Many members we have had But they never seem to last They come and go like office biros For instance - Captain Terrific got demoted The Exploding Girl Exploded Mr Pyrotechnic, he caught fire- oh! Mrs Monster went all weird The Invisible Boy disappeared The Immortal Man – died We've lost more staff than G4S So we're recruiting, yet again Previous applicants need not apply For the... Total Hero Team Total Hero Team No-one is braver We're here to save you Total Hero Team Our records are updated We've re-checked all the files Your CV's been uprated And you're now qualified For the Total Hero Team Total Hero Team Get HR alerted You get to work in Total Hero Team!
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My Secret Origin (free) 01:39
Your Secret Origin It's how your Superhero Story begins Your secret O-O-O-O-Origin For example: You could be born from an egg on a mountaintop The funkiest monkey that had ever been popped You could fall into a cauldron when you were very small Growing up in a village in Ancient Gaul Your Secret Origin It's how your Superhero Story begins Your secret O-O-O-O-Origin You could be shot in a rocket when your planet exploded Or live in a Matrix but only you knows it Be a secret agent or a private detective I was bitten by a flag that was radioactive My Secret Origin It's how my Superhero Story begins My secret O-O-O-O-Origin It needs to be a story that's action packed But underlying everything be slightly sad When people see you in costume they will ask why Do you need to dress up like that when you're fighting crime? Couldn't you just be a policeman or something? And you'll say no: because With great power comes great responsibility I'm sworn to save a world that fears and hates me Criminals are a superstitious cowardly lot It's what I'm programmed to do. I am a robot. That's my secret origin It's how my Superhero Story begins My secret O-O-O-O-Origin My secret O-O-O-O O-O-O-O O-O-O-O O-O-O-O Origin
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They call me Chester, Chester I'm not from Leeds or Leicester I'm not from Bournemouth, Bath or Birmingham (no sir!) I hear that London's very nice, and I like the Isle Of Wight But I am Chester Champion, Legend Of Lancs! Now if the planet is in danger Call The Total Hero Team They're marvellously strong and they can fly! But if they've shut the factory Or you cat's stuck up a tree There's only one thing that the folks around hear cry: They call for Chester, Chester He's not from Leeds or Leicester He's not from Bournemouth, Bath or Birmingham (no sir!) We hear that London's very nice, and we like the Isle Of Wight But we want Chester Champion, Legend Of Lancs! He hasn't got the x-ray vision But he's got a lovely smile He's cheeky but he's got a heart of gold! So if your chip pan is a-flame Go on then, call my name I'll come round and put it out and make the tea! They call me Chester, Chester I'm not from Leeds or Leicester I'm not from Bournemouth, Bath or Birmingham (no sir!) I hear that London's very nice, and I like the Isle Of Wight But I am Chester Champion, Legend Of Lancs!
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We're sampling the contents of this shop And if we like them then we'll say so on our blog The shop will thank us when all of our friends Come around and clear it out of stock again We're not thieves, we're connoisseurs Sampling the contents of the world And when you say that we should pay We will laugh in your face Har! Har! Har! Cos Tesco and Sainsbury rip us off So it must be the same for this here village shop They all have a huge mark-up, they're all dead rich I saw somebody prove it on a facebook link We're not thieves, we're connoisseurs Sampling the contents of the world If they ask for a living wage We will laugh in their face Har! Har! Har! The world has changed, don't you know it? This financial model is outmoded I'm not to blame for their closure We gave them valuable exposure Instead of complaining that they're poor Why don't cornershops go out on tour? Everyone'd love it, it'd totally work I'd definitely come and buy a t-shirt About the shop From another shop Next to the shop It's all just about shops really. We're not thieves, we're connoisseurs Sampling the contents of the world And if you try to regulate We will laugh in your face Har! Har! Har! Up yours!
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The Massive Banker (free) 01:33
I used to be a wealthy man Until one day I thought How can I justify earning A 100 times the norm? I meditated on it and Eventually realised The only moral thing to do Was to increase my size So I grew up to 600 feet And if you do the maths You'll find that now my bank account Is equal to my mass Now I am a Massive Banker I'm incredibly huge I am a Massive Banker I'm looking down on you Of course I needed more cash now Just to support myself But I found that I could take it From everybody else And as you all got smaller Well come on, what's a guy to do? The income gap was changing So I grew and grew and grew But I found the bigger that I got The tinier I felt Money wasn't enough anymore I wanted power as well So being a Massive Banker I bought all your MPs And I grew a mile higher When I purchased the police Now I am so high up That I can't see you down there But you can see The Massive Banker Everybloodywhere! Oh I am a Massive Banker I've never been so huge I am a Massive Banker And I'm here to stamp on you!
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The phone rings nine times Before he says 'Yes' She's got a problem with Internet Explorer And he's the Computer Desk He waits and takes the lift to her floor and says 'Show me the problem then' She's mildly mortified to find That everything's working again She flushes bright pink, which he thinks is wonderful She feels like such a fool and so she says It only works because you're here Before you came it was broken It only works because you're here You've got my windows to open Weeks pass and that's that Until he gets in late one day To see she's been and posted a Post-It Note onto his screen that says 'Could you pop up when you've got a minute?' He runs up five flights of stairs To find her computer rebooting And main site IT guy sat in her chair He's red-faced and out of breath, which she thinks is wonderful She knows he wanted to help her and so she says It only works because you're here Before you came it was broken It only works because you're here You've got my windows to open So he pops in to see her when he's passing And also when he's not She's fairly sure that he feels something for her But she can't say exactly what He's nervous and he's shy And that's part of the reason why She likes him But the vague chance of romance is not enough Reason for her to stay He can't believe it when he hears that she's leaving From her whip-round wielding PA There's not enough room on the card to fit All the words that burn in his heart She's leaving It's horrible - he doesn't know what to do Until at her leaving do he puts his hand to his heart and he says It only works because you're here Before you came it was broken It only works because you're here You've got my windows to open She says 'Well you've left it a bit bloody late' 'So let's not waste time now - I think you're GRATE' They kiss, crowd cheers Main site IT guy goes home in a flood of tears
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Get Over It (free) 02:48
Get over it, Get over it The only person being punished by your principled position is you Get over it, Get over it And you'll find yourself supplied with a pile of better things to do I wasn't always the macho hunk of sheer beefcake you see before you now At school I was a little fat kid, PE was a weekly hell And so I threw myself into books, I sneered at those who played games I put myself above them, resolved that I would hate it forever But then, in 1996 I realised what I'd missed I'd denied myself the fun of sport The excitement, the drama, and so, in short I got over it, got over it Gazza's goal against the Scottish made my snobbish suppositions subside I got over it, got over it Gary Linekar's my guru, Stuart Pierce opened up my mind I used to say I didn't like curry, I thought it was disgusting and weird Then found out it wasn't supposed to have sweetcorn, bananas, sultanas – that's just how my mum made it Taxis, Restaurants, Jaffa Cakes, Dishwashers and The Smiths Were things I expressed disdain for, when the truth of the matter was this I might have claimed high principals But at the end of the day I wasn't being moral or ethical I was just afraid So I got over it, Got over it And decided that denying the delights of life is frankly daft I got over it - and now I'm over it I don't let the future be deflected by the crap that happened in the past In the words of Sir Ludwig Guttmann, founder of the Paralympic games: This sitting around feeling sorry for youself is no good. Cut it out! Or to put it another way: Get over it, Get over it The only person being punished by your principled position is you Get over it, Get over it And you'll find yourself supplied with a pile of better things to do Get oooover it!
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I bet you didn't realise the world is run by people who are rich I bet you didn't know that rampant sexism continues to exist But I did Because I'm so much cleverer than you I bet you think that global warming's something that's going to go away I bet you think that overall the world will all turn out to be OK But I don't Because I'm so much cleverer than you I bet you really like Religion I bet you trust all politicians I bet you think that the police care about you I bet you phone-in for competitions I bet you've got a television I bet you think newspapers only tell the truth I'm sure this is all a surprise I must have blown your tiny mind I know my insight is original and new But now you know the world is sad You'll know you've no reason to laugh And most of all, you'll know I'm cleverer than you I'm so much cleverer than you!
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Humans Prepare To Die (free) 00:59
Humans! Prepare to die! Let's wipe out homo-sapiens When we end all organic life The world will be much happier So humans! Prepare! To Die! (the way to end all wars is) Humans! Prepare! To Die! (let's coat the world with corpses now) Death to the fleshy ones! Please put down your weapon, you have 20 seconds to comply I've seen things you people wouldn't believe Hasta la vista baby
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Come On Pussy (free) 01:55
If you see a little kitty sitting in a tree Don't call 999, no, call me I won't need a ladder. It won't take long All I need's me ukulele and this perfectly innocent song. Come on pussy, down you come If you want a little milk then I will give you some It's all very safe - I've got my hard hat! Come on pussy cat! When I see a little kitty, well I can't resist I want to stroke that moggy 'til I sprain me wrist You know I've got a special treat for every stranded cat And they'll get if they come and sit upon my lap Come on pussy, down you come If you want a little milk then I will give you some It's all very safe - I've got my hard hat! Come on pussy cat! A lady friend of mine rang up and said "Come Quick!" She'd been dragging at her tabby with a walking stick I said that'll never do it, you're much too rough So I went and plucked her out using me gentle touch Come on pussy, down you come If you want a little milk then I will give you some It's all very safe - I've got my hard hat! Come on pussy cat! Did somebody mention a paulo catulus? Why, it's Boris Johnson! I'm the Mayor Of London and all day I sit In my splendid office thinking about Dick Whittington my hero, the best Mayor Of All He was famous for his pussy, and his Lord Mayor's Balls! Come on pussy, down you come If you want a little milk then I will give you some It's all very safe - I've got my hard hat! Come on pussy cat!
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Control Alt Delete (free) 01:06
Control Alt and Delete They're the only buttons that you need If you get blue screen of death Stretch your hands apart and press Control Alt and Delete It's a secret known to a small lucky few For looking clever when you haven't got a clue Say "I see your problem" then Apply the Helpdesk's brand of ZEN Control Alt Delete If machines receive malign intelligence We've one last way of mounting a defence If they act like they're above us And start acting silly buggers Control Alt and Delete Control Alt and Delete They're the only buttons that you need If your screen should ever freeze The de-icer that you need is Control Alt and Delete Control Alt and Delete They're the only buttons that you need If you get blue screen of death Stretch your hands apart and press Control Alt and Delete
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I'd like the world to stay How it is right now I was happy here today But I don't know about tomorrow I can't imagine ever feeling Quite this safe I want the world to stop You say that things must change But I don't see why I like the world this way Why'd you want to go and spoil it? I can't imagine ever feeling More than this I want the world to stop Don't bring me songs by bands that I have never heard of Don't give me politicians born after I was Don't want to learn to use a new type of computer Give me a world that's stopped I'd like the world to stay How it is right now I never want to face An unfamiliar tomorrow I wish I had your faith There might be more than this But all I want's the world to stop
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The reprise version came about because I needed a song for Tony and Desmond to sing explaining their new plans, and thought a REPRISE would be emotionally fitting. I'm not sure this was necessarily the best song to re-do, but it does do the job. The only real down side was that writing the last line cost me fifty quid to register the domain name. Why not look it up and see what's there?
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Do It Yourself (free) 03:20
What's the point in wasting time, waiting to be discovered Auditioning for the future, desperate for the Judges smile? Finally I've realised that I should not have bothered From now on I'm gonna do whatever I like I've decided not to wait for anyone's permission I've decided not to care if no-one gives a toss I've decided not to base any more decisions On the opinions of the boss I've listened to my heart It says: the only way to start is to start So let's start: We're gonna do-do-do-do do it ourselves We're gonna do-do-do-do do it ourselves Don't need a sponsorship deal Because we're keeping it real We're gonna do it - do it ourselves When Captain Oates decided that he didn't want his biscuits His decision to nip out was made independently. John Snow ignored convention and deduced the source of cholera He saved lives and invented epidemiology The world wide web was invented in one office in Switzerland Fox hunting is illegal partly 'cause of the Hunt Sabs Einstein had a full-time job when he was first published Mike Nesmith's mum invented Tippex at home in the bath They listened to their hearts Which said: the only way to start is to start So let's start: We're gonna do-do-do-do do it ourselves We're gonna do-do-do-do do it ourselves They didn't wait for The Man To tell them all right, you can They went and did it - they did it themselves Ladies and Gentleman, boys and girls, thank you very much for coming to see Total Hero Team, starring Mr Steven Hewitt... And the international Rock Star MJ Hibbett! We hope you enjoyed it, and in case you were wondering what happened next – here's what happened next! Chester Champion inspired a whole range of local independent pubs, destroying Weatherspoons forever! IT Guy went on to become a hero to millions by creating a version of iTunes that actually works. The Woman-Droid is doing Strictly this year.. And The United Statesman is in the audience for every episode. Smart Alex now runs a Doctor Who fansite. And Boris Johnson became the next leader of the Conservative Party. And, within a week, the final leader of the Conservative Party. And Fufu The Future Kitten... will be back to try again the same time tomorrow. We're gonna do-do-do-do do it ourselves We're gonna do-do-do-do do it ourselves And if you enjoyed the show Please tell people that you know Because we did it - we did it ourselves!
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My dad sat in his favourite chair When my mother fell through the roof She fell asleep in the bath and she'd left all the taps Fully on what a thing to do They both sat there and argued For over half an hour When I came round they'd nearly drowned so I went and fetched a towel I said you're buttering no parsnips! You're not helping no-one Get a bucket and mop, turn the stopcock off And I'll put the kettle on! Now my friend Kev's on the hard left And he wants to smash the state So imagine his glee when I told him we Were off to demonstrate He printed some newspapers But by the time he'd got them done The march had marched, we'd left the park, and the conservatives had won I said you're buttering no parsnips You're helping no-one chuck Just change the date and they'll be great Next time we're kettled up You see complaining Won't stop it raining But being jolly Might make someone share their brolly Moaning! Won't make the phone ring But if you're mirthful It might widen your social circle If you think we live In a dreadful dreary world Why'd you want to go and make it Any flipping worse? It's buttering no parsnips So why not have some fun? Cheer up duck It'll all be good I'll put the kettle on!
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I dream of superheroes I dream of flight I dream of mask, ensignia Team-ups, capes and fights I dream of superheroes I dream of strength Atomic battles, Robot pals Symbols, suits and fights again I wish I had a secret identity Even more secret than it is now I wish I had an emblem that said who I am I wish I had special powers I dream of superheroes I dream of escape From being entirely unexceptional From being exactly the same I wish I'd been selected by an alien I wish I had a magic word I wish that I'd been born in another galaxy Instead of a maternity ward I dream of superheroes I doubt they dream of me I dream of being something I could never be
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Booty! Booty! All about the booty! I've been looking at the sum of all man's endeavour I thought that it might make me clever But all I've got from human history Is feeling slightly frisky Booty! Booty! All about the booty! Everything we ever do Has a motivation that's rather rude We've conquered space and knocked down countries Just for a little bit of rumpy pumpy Booty! Booty! All about the booty! Science! Booty Art! Booty Religion! Booty Music Booty The constant questioning of the universe! It's all about the Booty Booty!

about

A two-man rock opera about superheroes, adapted from the stage show featuring MJ Hibbett (and Steve). More information can be found at www.totalheroteam.co.uk

credits

released February 28, 2014

Written by MJ HIbbett
Performed by MJ Hibbett (and Steve)
Original artwork by John Allison (www.scarygoround.com)

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about

MJ Hibbett & The Validators London, UK

MJ Hibbett & The Validators have performed live on Radio One, had a Record Of The Year in Rolling Stone, an Album Of The Day on 6Music, released one of the first ever viral videos, toured the UK and Europe, featured in an Edinburgh Fringe Festival show, and recorded a science fiction rock opera, all while maintaining their complete independence from outside record labels. ... more

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