Warriors Of Nanpantan

by MJ Hibbett & The Validators

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about

You like the quirky fall-guy humour of Art Brut? You dig the laconic Northern humour of The Wedding Present, the laidback political chutzpah of Half Man Half Biscuit, the idea that "independent" music means a band that is actually INDEPENDENT, not just another bad Keane rip-off? You like tunes with intelligence, acoustic roustabouts, smiles, laughter, a beer down the pub at half time? Then check out this "Rest Of" (1997-2004) of the redoubtable MJ Hibbett - worth the price of admittance alone for the genius anti-apathy anthem "Work's All Right (If It's A Proper Job)".
Everett True, Plan B

The band who should be placed in the Indie hall of fame (if such a thing existed!) for writing a song praising Leicester traffic wardens, release an odds n sods compilation. Tying up all the loose ends in their career so far this collection of rarities, unreleased b-sides and unavailable singles has much to recommend it. Whilst the quality of some of these recordings leaves a lot to be desired, the quality of the songs and trademark humorous lyrics are second to none. Whilst it could be argued that the band’s sound belongs in a different age, musical snobs are missing out. This is good old fashioned lo-fi indie as it should sound and ties things up nicely before their forthcoming third album which is scheduled for release later this year.
Del Franklin

(MJ Hibbett & The Validators - Warriors Of Nanpantan)
Is ACE.

I am tempted to stop there but feel some of you may need more persuasion.

This collection of recordings covering the period from 1997 to 2004 and contains early works, b-sides as well as previously internet only and recently deleted singles. This is billed to those who own the entire back catalogue as 'The Rest Of MJ Hibbett & The Validators'. The earlier recording are of a slightly lesser quality but this does little to diminish the enjoyment to be gained by listening to them.

Each of these songs has the characteristic wit and aplomb that fans of Mr Hibbett will know from old. The subject matter ranges from the classics of love and jealousy ('The Perfect Love Story', 'Another Mans Laundry') through the absurdities, large and small, of life in general ('Red And White Sockets') to stories that easily echo the lives of listeners ('Clubbing In The Week', 'The Same Page Of The Map'). The humour and resonance of many of the songs allows an instant recognition and empathy. 'Warriors of Nanpantan' is a fine collection of great songs.

Or as I said earlier; it is ACE.
Bob Gray, Between Planets

Sparked by MJ Hibbett & The Validators’ amazing success in 2004, which began with an online video for Hey Hey 16k (which was made by b3ta.com’s Rob Manuel and became the most popular download on the internet in its first week of release), this collection of b-sides, compilation tracks, online releases and unreleased songs is sure to have fans in a frenzy.

The sound quality of some of the earlier tracks leaves a little to be desired but Mark’s sharp witted lyrics prevail throughout. Highlights include Clubbing In The Week, Fucking Hippy, the tragic Perfect Lovesong, the Frankie Machine-penned Friday 13, Another Man’s Laundry, Walkman In My Head and the anthemic Peterborough All Saints Wide Game Team (Group B). It all draws to a close with Dinky Doo, a song written by Validators vocalist Emma Pattison for her drummer husband Tim.

As is now the staple of Hibbett releases, this CD is not content with just holding 22 tracks (23 actually), oh no, pop it into your computer and you’ll find lyrics, extensive sleeve notes, video clips and MP3’s, including the Fair Play Sessions from the Steve Lamaq show in July 2004.

Get in quick Hibbett fans, this is a limited edition release, only available from www.mjhibbett.com and gigs.
Andy Malt, Indigo Flow

I was feeling a bit dopey when I opened up my emails.

"Dear Rachel

Did you receive the Warriors of Nanpantan CD…"

I scratched my head (cartoon gestures please me) and thought hard. That sounded a bit black metal and I couldn't remember anything of that nature dropping through my door recently. Then I read on and saw the words "M J Hibbett & Validators" and the penny dropped.

The Warriors of Nanpantan, is far probably as far removed from black metal as is possible. It is in fact it is full to bursting point of songs sang in a typical "M J Hibbett and the Validators" whole hearted manner. Recorded between 1997 and 2004 and taken from b-sides, compilation CDs as well as other previously unreleased material the CD is an instantly likeable collection of quirky stories sung with enthusiasm and spirit.

With a total of 23 songs as well as a video clips and extra sound files there are far too many highlights to mention. From the is a tale of the perfect love song that never was ("All of a sudden…nothing happened, out of the blue they didn't meet" ) to Hibbet's Golden Rules of Beer ("If the name sounds like it was thought of three fat smelly old blokes in the brewery then only drink it if that is who you are") the CD had me smiling.

There is a modern country ballad in the guise of "Ring your mother", a reminder not to take the women who fed and clothed you in the formative years of your life for granted. And then there was the heart warming clip clopity "leave my brother alone" which had me feeling quite choked up and phoning my sister within minutes. Not to mention "Another true story" a gentle wistful melody of Glastonbury, longing and missed oppotunity.

I could go on (and on and on) and quote a million more lyrics, but I think I shall stop here and sum up by saying that this CD was GRATE.
Rachel Queen, Friends Of The Heroes

Singer-songwriters are ten a penny, it is true, and many of their number attempt a humorous take on the quirky nature of life in general and in particular to them. Few, though, pitch it as well as MJ Hibbett Esq., lyrical dexterity a speciality. It is proletarian pop merging the worlds of Half Man Half Biscuit and William Bragg. The social politics of the latter, and the lovestruck-boy emotional appraisals, are something MJH shares, and even parodically nicks the melody of ‘Between The Wars’ to open ‘Work’s All Right (If It’s A Proper Job)’ which itself begins this handsome collections of bits and pieces. MJH doesn’t really do b-sides though so don’t expect any dip in quality. Classics such as the lo-fi scuzz of ‘Fucking Hippy’ (from 1998) and last year’s ‘Walkman In My Head’ highlight a maturation in the Validators recorded sound, although the cheeky humour remains the same (and ‘Same Page Of The Map’ brings the lo-fi right back). Also it has ‘The Peterborough All-Saints Wide Game Team (Group B)’, possibly the finest update of the tortoise and hare tale ever committed to vinyl, and now to CD. This you really must get and it’s a limited edition from www.artistsagainstsuccess.com only. Be quick.
Skif, Vanity Project

Bunch of musically flexible and competent guys led by a guy whose principle concerns seem to be beer, hippy-baiting, falling in and out of love, money and the lack of it and beer. So, it’s pretty much a gentler and less political ramble through the backstreets more usually stalked by Mitch Benn, or a sneakier and slightly less sardonic splash through the puddles where Neil Innes lurks, but still, the greatest moment is for me the Jilted John ranterooni of “Fucking Hippy”, I mean, “if you’re telepathic, why don’t you leave?” beats Leonard Cohen into any lyrical hat you care to cock. There a grand, and I mean grand, total of twenty two smashing tunes here and while humour, wry, twisted and gut abounds, there’s also darker and weighter stuff aired, check “The Perfect Love Song” or “Another Man’s Laundry” for the darker side.
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released March 2, 2005

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MJ Hibbett & The Validators UK

MJ Hibbett & The Validators have performed live on Radio One, had a Record Of The Year in Rolling Stone, an Album Of The Day on 6Music, released one of the first ever viral videos, toured the UK and Europe, featured in an Edinburgh Fringe Festival show, and recorded a science fiction rock opera, all while maintaining their complete independence from outside record labels. ... more

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Track Name: Work's All Right (if it's a proper job)
I was a bin-man
I was a road sweeper
I worked in shops
Between the terms
Then I found prosperity
In Epidemiology
I am the nice young man
On the ground floor

When I was a boy I used to dread
The very idea of getting out of bed
To go to work to earn a wage
But now I find I've reached an age
Where getting up is almost easy
(Though I've never got used to it)
And once you get there you get you get a nice cup of tea
And plenty of time to drink it

Because work's all right when it's a proper job
Don't be put off by a holiday job
Because work's all right when it's a proper job
You can have a lot of fun

Sat at your desk talking to someone who
Could be up to thirty years older than you
Play with your email, swapping the goss
Sit around for hours and bitch about the boss
And though they may force you to wear a shirt
And waste the best part of the day
Suggesting that you might do some work
Well, at least you're getting paid

Because work's all right when it's a proper job
Don't be put off by a saturday job
Because work's all right when it's a proper job
You can have a lot of fun

Nicking bits of stationary
Getting pissed at the Christmas party
Looking forward to the weekend
Maybe even making a few new friends

Getting up is still not easy
And I'll never get used to it
But when I'm there I get a nice cup of tea
And plenty of time to drink it

Yeah work's all right when it's a proper job
Don't be put off by a holiday job
Because work's all right when it's a proper job
You can have a cup of tea
Have a cup of tea for me


Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
Track Name: Clubbing In The Week
On a Monday in the Midlands there's not a lot to do
The bar has finished serving they're getting rid of you
You turn round to your friends and say
"I don't exactly know, but i really want to boogie and there's one place we could go"

Let's go Clubbing In The Week
We can have too much to drink
Have a dance and stay out late
We're going Clubbing In The Week and it'll be GRATE!
Yeah!

Everybody in there looks like they are half your age
But you are feeling groovy, there's no need to be ashamed
Your friends ask what you're doing and you give them the answer
"I'm The Greatest Dancer."

Let's go Clubbing In The Week
We can have too much to drink
Have a dance and stay out late
We're going Clubbing In The Week and it'll be GRATE!
Yeah!

Do you remember when we'd do this all the time?
When we were students we'd go out every night
But now we'll get a cab and try to forget
That in four hours' time we'll have to get out of bed.
Yeah yeah!

So you climb up off the floor and drag yourself into work
With piss-stains on your trousers and vomit on your shirt
Everybody says to you "Good God, you look like death!
I bet you won't do that again!" and you say "YEAH!"

I'll go dancing in the week
I will have too much too drink
Have a dance and stay out late
I love Clubbing In The Week because because going clubbing's BLOODY GRATE."
Clubbing In The week because going Clubbing In The Week is GRATE
Yeah yeah!


Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
Track Name: Fucking Hippy
I can't believe the things that you come out with
Did you leave your brains in a cheese and pickle sandwich?
What makes you think that you can speak for us
When everything you say is so boring and obvious?
If you're so telepathic, why don't you leave?
You're breathing the air i intended to breath

You fucking hippy, with your paranoid neuroses
You say that you're concerned about the world and its resources
Let's help get rid of some waste
We'll dump you in the ocean in a locked up metal case
If you can see things so very very clearly
Why are you so unutterably dreary?

You hippy, with your whimsical delusion
That if you grow your hair you can start the revolution
The Establishment's aquake
They know as well as i do that you're a fucking fake
You believe in love and peace
But you hate your friends and insist on eating meat

You fucking hippy, you cannot change society
By banging on about drugs and then going to a party
If you want to cause a change
I think it might be handy if you held onto your brains
It's no longer a joke
The world dissolves in poverty while you go up in smoke

You fucking hippy
You hypocrite
You fucking hippy
You are a hypocrite
You fucking hippy
You are a hypocrite
You fucking hippy


Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
Track Name: Red And White Sockets
I had a ghetto blaster
It lived in the kitchen on top of the fridge
And though it wasn't very good it was good enough for me
Well one week it breathed its last
So i took a chance and took it down
To take a glance at the back
And when I did that what do you think i could see?
I saw red and white sockets on the back to plug a hi-fi in.

Now what on earth's the point of that?
I loved my ghetto blaster but i knew it was crap
It was never gonna form the basis of a modern hi-fi system
It's like a band that uses strings
For no other reason than Oasis did
Like a pretty bitty baby with a big man's drink
Like a lad who washes lorries in a kitchen sink
Like red and white sockets on the back to plug a hi-fi in

Red and white, red and white, red and white sockets
Red and white, red and white, red and white sockets
Red and white sockets, red and white sockets
Red and white sockets, red and white sockets
Red and white sockets on the back to plug a hi-fi in

Well i failed to see the metaphor
A tape deck with pretensions was all that i saw
And it wasn't until later that the truth bore down on me
Because i went to take a litte bath
And as i lay back in the bath i felt discomfort on my back
And when i looked into the mirror what do you think i could see?
I saw red white sockets on my back to plug a hi-fi in
Red and white sockets stuck to the back of me

Saying red and white, red and white, red and white sockets
Red and white, red and white, red and white sockets
Red and white sockets, red and white sockets
Red and white sockets, red and white sockets
Red and white sockets on the back to plug a hi-fi in


Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
Track Name: Another True Story
I took the keys out of my jeans and put them in my shoe
I lay back on my sleeping bag and swiftly thought of you
And as I lay in my bed
A plane flew overhead
Taking you away

A sunny day at Glastonbury as we sat on the grass
Passing round a readymade and starting to laugh
Then you turned up late
I thought you were GRATE
And you didn't mind me

I said "I'll see you later when the next band has been on"
You said "Yeah, i'll meet you there, and please don't be too long"
But I got waylaid
By the time I got backstage
You had been and gone

I got my friends to look for you, we covered the whole site
We searched until the time had past for you to catch your flight
You had to fly away
To the USA
I wish you could have stayed

I took the keys out of my jeans and put them in my shoe
I lay back in my sleeping bag and swiftly thought of you
And as I lay in my bed
A plane flew overhead
Taking you away


Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
Track Name: The Perfect Love Song
He needed reasons to keep living
She needed someone she could love
He needed something to believe in
She lived on the floor above

He listened to the Sunday Service
Pumping down through the plasterboard
She came to know his taste in music
And recognised the way he snored

All of a sudden nothing happened
Out of the blue they didn't meet
He never came to borrow coffee
She never dropped her shopping round his feet

Theirs could have been the perfect love song
What a shame they never met
He got run over by a milk float
She went to live in Somerset


Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
Track Name: We'll See What We Can Do
There's someone we think that you should meet
She'll be right up your street
She's desperate just like you
We'll see what we can do

She hasn't really got a life
But she's an old friend of the wife
We thought you'd approve
We'll see what we can do

Two odd buttons in a kitchen drawer
Two sore losers in a no-score draw
Two old batteries that have no use
Me and you
We'll see what we can do
Me and you
We'll see what we can do

We are the anti-socials
We are the non-league hopefuls
We are when we are me and you
We'll see what we can do


Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
Track Name: Ring Your Mother
No-one seems to need her anymore
Left behind at closing time when the landlord locks the door
You used to see her every day, but now you never call
No-one seems to need her anymore

No-one seems to want her anymore
Discarded like a gift-shop bracelet at midnight on the shore
Like a single shoe on a garden wall or the shirt you never wore
No-one seems to need her anymore

And you might say she's being foolish
I don't know
But you should see her point of view
And you should treat her better
You may be gone but you're not forgotten
You don't have to say you love her
But you ought to ring your mother

Cos she doesn't think you need her anymore
Now that you know how to clean your own bedroom floor
You can see where she gets her ideas from, you should put her straight
She doesn't think you love her anymore

Ring your mother
She doesn't think you love her anymore


Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
Track Name: Mr Right
She looks upon you as a brother
You are the person she can trust
You'd like to think she'll be your lover
You look on her with unbridled lust

Every time she loses a boyfriend
You hope her eyes will alight on you
But every time she loses a boyfriend
Some other bugger jumps the queue

What can you do to make her listen
When every time she turns away
It never seems to be the right conditions
For you to say what you mean to say

She always said that all that she wanted
Was Mr Right to always care
Maybe one day she will realise
Her Mr Right was always there.


Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
Track Name: Friday 13
Well if I remember rightly
I was born on a Friday
Thirteen's my lucky number
It's lucky I remember

And if my house was by the rail track
Maybe you would come back
I'd be down there with the trains
Impressing the policeman with my brains

And you'll find me with Elvis in the Heartbreak Hotel
It's a phase I am going through
Hell
A titanic at the bottom of the ocean
I'm so afraid I'm only going through the motions

Well if i could spell your name right
Maybe you'd give me the green light
But as it is i don't know where i stand
I never take off without a safe place to land

And you'll find me with Elvis in the Heartbreak Hotel
It's a phase I am going through
Hell
A titanic at the bottom of the ocean
I'm so afraid I'm only going through the motions

Find me with Elvis in the Heartbreak Hotel
I'm going through hell
Track Name: Before I Was Cool
I met an old friend in Paris
She laughed to see the change in me
Through years of beards and waistcoats, lennon specs and pubs
I changed my attitude and the way i looked, but

She knew me then, when we were at school
She knew me before i was cool

We talked of festivals and bands
Record contracts, reefers and a conference in France
But all she saw was a boy sat reading quietly on his own
Humming the tuneful ZX Spectrum loading tone, because

She knew me then, when we were at school
She knew me before i was cool

But does it matter anyway?
What matters is the man i am today
Not the boy that i was then
I may not be a superstar
I don't even know how to drive a car
But at least i have got friends

So i will put away the past
Because i can look back now and laugh
And though nostalgia trips with old friends are allowed
The best times of your life are the times you're living now, and though

I knew her then, when we were at school
I know her now, and that is cool


Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
Track Name: The Peterborough All-Saints Wide Game Team (group B)
The Wide Game was a game that we used to play in scouts
We'd go to the park after dark and, basically, run about
There was a local competition that took place every year
We needed a team that could win, or at least come somewhere near
So the football heroes, and the popular kids - the boys who got the girls
Carried the hopes of all the troop, but there were two teams because

There was a bed-wetter, a backwards kid, a big fat lad and me
In the Peterborough All-Saints Wide Game Team (group b)

Skip took us all to one side and said "Scouts do your best
Team A, i want you to go for the cup, Team B try and not get in a mess"
The macho lads were confident, set off with fire and noise
Got into fights all that night and failed to score a point
But while we might have disappointed Lord Baden-Powell
We did surprisingly well

For a bed-wetter, a backwards kid, a big fat lad and me
We were the Peterborough All-Saints Wide Game Team (group b)

And when we got back
To the safety of the pack
They were surprised to see we had
Secreted in our bag
A trophy engraved with "In Second Place"
And then the following list of names

There was a bed-wetter, a backwards kid, a big fat lad and me
It said "The Peterborough All-Saints Wide Game Team (group b)"

And if you're thinking this must be some kind of metaphor
For a way of life, well you might be right, and i'll tell you something more
Since that day, i've realised you can be a star
No matter what your lot in life, even if you are

A bed-wetter, a backwards kid, or a big fat lad like me
You can join the Peterborough All-Saints Wide Game Team (group b)
Come join the Peterborough All-Saints Wide Game Team (group b)


Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
Track Name: Family Wedding 2010
I went into the future
To see what i'd become
When the women that i fall for
Are all some young woman's mum
I'm a cuddly fun-packed uncle
To my brother's little kids
Dancing at their wedding
To late eighties hits

And I'm up and i'm dancing when "The Queen Is Dead" comes on
At a Family Wedding in 2021.

I went up to the bar
And I bought myself a beer
He thanked me, then he asked me
"What in God's name are you doing here?
Go back to where you came from
Change the way things are
Make yourself amenable
Before things get this far"

Then he's off, and he's dancing when they play "She Bangs the Drums"
At a Family Wedding in 2021

Is this my doom? Is this my hell?
Never knowing who or what to tell?
Never saying what i think?
Will this torment never end
Always being someone's sad and lonely single friend
Being taken out on Sunday afternoons for a drink?

And I'm off and i'm dancing when they play "This Charming Man"
At a Family Wedding in 2021

And i'm back and i'm dancing to "Rave On"
Until a Family Wedding in 2021.


Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
Track Name: Another Man's Laundry (Hanging On Your Line)
When i called around this morning you weren't home
When i telephoned this evening some man picked up the phone
We pledged our love as sun set on the old Vic Berry's bridge
But it turns out you're a lying two-faced double crossing bitch

'Cos there's another man's laundry on your line
Boxers in your basket, and none of them are mine
Your freezer's full of meat, which is something you don't eat
There's another man's laundry hanging on your line

Well I saw his car parked in your parking space
And I looked up at the window and saw your pretty face
Through tears i realised that our love had been ignored
As you ironed out his Levi's on that cheating ironing board

'Cos there's another man's laundry on your line
Boxers in your basket, and none of them are mine
Your freezer's full of meat, which is something you don't eat
There's another man's laundry hanging on your line

Go and fetch the sheriff, i won't put up a fight
Because i did an evil thing when i saw you there last night
I crept into your backyard, saw my rival sipping wine
So i strangled him right there and then with that good old washing line

'Cos There's another man's laundry on your line
Boxers in your basket, and none of them are mine
Your freezer's full of meat, which is something you don't eat
There's another man's laundry hanging on your line

Well, tonight you'll hear the jangling of my spurs
As i am dangling from that gibbet yonder on the square of fifth and nine
And my ghost, so they say, will appear there every day
Yes i'll be there, like that laundry hanging on your line

'Cos there's another man's laundry on your line
Boxers in your basket, and none of them are mine
Your freezer's full of meat, which is something you don't eat
There's another man's laundry hanging from your line


Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
Track Name: The Only Thing
Time has not withered your charms
You're still a fucking cow
I used to think you were beautiful
I know better than that now
To think I cried for you
To think I'd lie down with you
And give you everything I had to give

But you could not find room in your heart for someone else
The only thing that you loved was yourself

You treated me like shit
You only ever rang to dictate your shopping lists
And you were vile to my friends and family
I told them you would change
Made excuses for you again and again
But the more I said it
The harder it was to believe

Because you could not find room in your heart for someone else
The only thing that you loved was yourself

The only time you said "I love you" was when I said that I would leave
And when I came back we both returned to blaming everything on me
It's a miracle that I escaped your threats and self-pity
But you wouldn't wait to turn love to hate

Because you could not find room in your heart for someone else
The only thing that you loved was yourself

You made me feel less of a man
You tried to wipe out everything that I am
And it took me a year to get back to who I was
But when I saw you again I held out an olive branch
You said "Piss off", and I thought "Thanks
That's the kindest thing that you have ever done"

Because you could not find room in your heart for someone else
The only thing we both you loved was yourself


Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
Track Name: Leave My Brother Alone
I'm standing on the corner getting beaten up
By the kids from the year above
Finding out that smart remarks
Don't help to mop up blood
And when they've finally tired of this
And they've all gone away
Someone comes and helps me up
And quietly says

Leave my brother alone
Leave my brother alone"

He says "Mark, if I was older
And if I had my bike
I would cycle after them
And challenge them to a fight"
I said "James, don't you worry yourself
It's really quite all right
Sometimes it's enough to know
There's someone on your side who'll say

Leave my brother alone
Leave my brother alone"

Fast-forward fifteen years
And we're talking on the phone
About his stupid bint ex-girlfriend
Who has left him on his own
In the house they bought together
While she's out seeing other men
She's got the nerve to wonder why
They can't still be friends, and I thought

Leave my brother alone
Leave my brother alone

I said "James, if I had a car
And if I could even drive
I'd dash straight up the M69
And give her a piece of my mind"
He said "Mark, don't you worry yourself
It's really quite all right
Sometimes it's enough to know
There's someone on your side who'll say

Leave my brother alone
Leave my brother alone


Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
Track Name: Hibbett's Golden Rules Of Beer
There was a time when even I
Could walk into a pub
And cast my eyes over ales of many kinds
And not know which ones were any good

I had narry a clue about the nature of my booze
I couldn't sort a porter from a stout
I'd pay two quid for undrinkable shit
Until one day I worked the whole thing out

I saw them true
I saw them clear
I saw Hibbett's Golden Rules Of Beer
I was no fool, no, I was a seer
So I give you Hibbett's Golden Rules Of Beer

It's not to do with gravity
And it's not to do with the grain
You haven't got to smell the hops
You simply need know what's the name

Look for words like honey, wheat or dew
Avoid the beers call Old
Drink the words like autumn, summer, sun
Shine, harvest, or Gold

Out of the dark
your path is clear
If you follow Hibbett's Golden Rules Of Beer
You'll be well served if you are steered
By Hibbett's Golden Rules Of Beer

If the name sounds like it was thought of by three fat smelly old blokes in a brewery
Only drink it if that's who you are, but if you're asking me...

I want to wake next day and shout "HOORAY!
I am reborn with the bowels of a king
My mind's refreshed, I've not fallen over yet,
And I feel the overwhelming urge to sing"

Let's give a slightly hungover cheer
For Hibbett's Golden Rules Of Beer
The world is fab groovy and gear
When you've got Hibbett's Golden Rules Of Beer


Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
Track Name: I've Got What You Need
Look up my name, you'll get my number
If you want some help around the house
I can come around and take your paper down
And if you like I'll sort your grouting out
I have got my toolbox ready
For any jobs that you want me to do
If your shelf has fallen then give me a call and
I'll come round and get it up for you

I've got what you need
I've got what you need
Oh yeah, I've got what you need

Well you say your boyfriend gives good love
But can he tell you where the stop cock is?
If your fuses blew would he be good for you
Could his plunger get your u-bend fixed?
So when I mend your microwave then maybe
You and me can have a little drink
I'll do your pots and pans, I'll be your handyman
I've got it all except the kitchen sink

I've got what you need
I've got what you need
Oh yeah, I've got what you need

So I came and cleared your drains for you
I gave your guttering a damn good clean
But when I came inside the only thing that I could find
Was five quid and a cup of tea

That's not what I mean
It's not what need
Oh no, it's not what I mean
I've got what you need
Oh yeah, I've got what you need


Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
Track Name: Walkman In My Head
I haven't had a walkman
For many many years
I found the foam in headphones
Would play havoc with my ears
I needed entertainment
That was non-aurally led
And by happy chance i happened on
The walkman in my head

Walkman in my head
Walkman in my head
In-house, in-car, in bed
Press play

It has no need of batteries
It cannot chew your tapes
It can't be dropped upon the ground
And thus it never breaks
It'll play you ageing vinyl
8-track, DAT, or DVD
It's compatible adaptable
Robust technology

Walkman in my head
Walkman in my head
Aloft or on sea-bed
Press play

Walkman in my head
Walkman in my head
On Planets Blue or Red
Press play

Every song you've ever heard of
Every tune you've ever hummed
It can play them all, but do be warned,
Some words may come out Rum
It puts profanities in Carols
Which is quite Morally Wrong
But on the plus-side sometimes it writes
New songs like this one.

Walkman in my head
Walkman in my head
OBEY ME, it said
Press play
OBEY ME, it said
Press play


Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
Track Name: The Same Page Of The Map
Now, I'm really not complaining
I'm in love, and that's amazing
Bloody brilliant, in fact, but still I wish
That we were in the same postcode
'Cos girl you know if that were so
I would feel rich beyond the dreams of avarice
So when I'm sitting on that train
Going home a-bloody-gain
I'll try to think of simple ways to make things right
For instance, last week, passing Luton
I found a way to make Cold Fusion
Power Pedallos that flew faster than light

And, though I'm grateful and i am glad
That we have found each other at last
Let's ask the Lord, if Buddha's right
On the next turn round of life
Can we please be on the same page of the map?

Oh, if that Midland Mainline Engine
Crossed not Northants but Dimensions
I'd buy a Weekend Rover for worlds where we are
Within easy walking distance
Of each other, even if the
Planet's run by giant jellyfish from Mars

And I'd be grateful, gruesome, but glad
That we had found each other at last
And be they biped, bird or beetle
I'd tell whatever passed for people
That we're living on the same page of the map
The same page of the map


Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
Track Name: Rock and Roll Mayhem
In Birmingham I met an author
He writes books, that's what authors do
I said "I love your work"
He said "Who are you?"

'Cos I'm on tour
Rock and Roll Mayhem

In Glasgow I woke up at 3am
And made for the toilet door
I found myself stark bollock naked
Locked out in the hotel corridor

'Cos I'm on tour
Rock and Roll Mayhem

In Hull I refuted media allegations
That The Validators had split up
Met the New York Anti-Folk Poet Jeffrey Lewis
And shared a manly hug

'Cos I'm on tour
Rock and Roll Mayhem

In Sheffield we played an illegal warehouse rave
It was like Andy Warhol at The Factory
I did two encores
And then we went clubbing in the week

'Cos I'm on tour
Rock and Roll Mayhem

In London we enjoyed a Rock Cliche
When I stopped and the audience sang "Payday"
Oh baby, there was a lot of love there at the end
When me and Adam and Team Frankie said "Let's do it again"

'Cos we're on tour
Rock and Roll Mayhem
Yeah, we're on tour
Rock and Roll Mayhem
Oh we're on tour
Rock and Roll Mayhem
Let's go on tour
Rock and Roll Mayhem


Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
Track Name: Dinky Doo
I wanted to sing you a little song
To tell you how much I love you
To share with you and the whole wide world
Why I gave up Michael Stipe for you

You're one of the most important punks in the country
Yet you listen to Radio 2
Your favourite film is The Sound Of Music
And you love the bloke who says "Dinky Doo"

Dinky doo doo
Dinky doo doo
Dinky doo doo
Dinky doo doo

So now Mr Tim we are wed
We can parentally legally share a bed
But it doesn't mean I suddenly won't mind you picking your feet
I'll never ever ever ever find that endearing or sweet

Dinky doo doo
Dinky doo doo
Dinky doo doo
Dinky doo doo

All your memories of things in detail
Your maps and books of the road
Billy Bryson and motorways, power stations
Football and your fear of frogs and toads

Dinky doo doo
Dinky doo doo
Dinky doo doo
Dinky doo doo

You like to go up mountains, I prefer to look at them
But we both love to cook
I've got an unbaked carrot cake
And you've got your unstarted book

Dinky doo doo
Dinky doo doo
Dinky doo doo
Dinky doo doo

But remember the truth is I love you
And today we both showed the world
So goodbye Michael Stipe I don't need you
I've got my Tim to have and to hold

Bye bye Michael Stipe
Bye bye Michael Stipe
Bye bye Michael Stipe
I've got my Tim to have and to hold


Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing