A Million Ukeleles

by MJ Hibbett

/
1.
Aware of student safety he left three prefects in charge Of the bonfire of recorders which he'd lit in the school yard He strode into the staff room to applause They knew today's the day that he had finally been and bought Fifteen ukeleles for the school, fifteen untried music teaching tools Fifteen chances he could get the sack, fifteen ukeleles and a match The children, they all loved it 'cause it's easy and it's fun The other teachers opened their doors so that they could sing along The parents made a fuss at the PTA Until the classicist Headmaster found himself begrudged to say We need thirty ukeleles urgently, thirty ukeleles to fulfil forecasted needs If it carries on like this we'll end up cancelling PE, bring me thirty ukeleles ASAP Schools in the same authority were soon following their lead Music shops ran out of stocks as it spread through families But their appeal was by no means unanimous There were a lot of strong letters in the local press From concerned music buffs Saying Ban these ukeleles right away They're not a proper instrument, they're too easy to play They're too portable, affordable, open to anyone - ban these ukeleles, They look like fun Well of course nobody listened to this miserable elite Before too long the sound of strumming rang through every street And though I woke to find it was a dream It could become reality, the only thing we need Is a single ukelele to begin To see why ukelele players wear such silly grins Then a hundred then a thousand until suddenly we find We've got a million ukeleles and a million smiles Oh a million ukeleles play in time A million ukeleles from Isle Of Wight to Isle Of Skye We need a million signatures, a million letters to MPS Saying a million ukeleles - we'd like them, please Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
2.
Pass It On 01:54
I got myself some yellow and a little bit of blue I found a slice of orange that you said belonged to you We put it all together and we wrapped it in a song Then we sealed it with a smile to pass it on Pass it on, pass it on If you want to make a rainbow, pass it on Your Nan gave us some violet she'd kept in her top drawer The green came from a football team my mates used to play for The shirt sponsors had indigo, I do not know where from But they popped it the post to pass it on Pass it on, pass it on If you want to make a rainbow, pass it on Pass it on, pass it on All that I was missing was a little bit of red I found it in a heart-shaped box I hid under the bed Well now we've got our rainbow it's time to pass it on Pass it on, pass it on, pass it on Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
3.
Take a complicated idea And make the underlying point of it clear Compress it down to fit in memory Now tell me what's the difference Between programming and poetry? Programming is a poetry for our... Programming is a poetry for our time Indenting every line Sorted into stanzas so that you can find Selected lines to quote or just a phrase to paste Into the epics that live underneath The Web and Word and Databases Programming is a poetry for our time It's a poetry for our time I wonder would Wordsworth have written in Perl? Would Keats have used Notepad for HTML? I reckon Byron would see The irony Of writing words to change the world that we Can't live without but no-one ever sees Programming is a poetry for our... Programming is a poetry for our time And even though it doesn't rhyme The syntax of a JavaScript will often be sublime And though the poets now don't have the glamorous style Of the poets of the past they didn't either when alive Programming is a poetry for our time It's a poetry for our time The river running beneath our lives Is a poetry for our time Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
4.
I had a flat on Mere Road It never really felt like home I left my heart cross town in the West End Bury me there when I'm gone On a thoroughfare to the M1 A row of shops that feels more like a friend Where I want to go is down the Narborough Road Carry me on home To the Narborough Road Sonpal's, Spot-Cash, Secondhand Star The Library and the Dolphin Fish Bar The paper shop opposite the launderette Mac'n'Tuck for veggie burgers The bank machine that gave out fivers The twenty four hour garage for your Late-night post-pub jazz cigarettes It's where I want to go, down the Narborough Road Carry me on home to the Narborough Road The Western and the Pump & Tap Luigi's and the old Mousetrap The telephones beneath the railway bridge Eastleigh Road and Paton Street Kirby Road and Walton Street Surely this is where I learnt to live? It's down the Narborough Road where I long to go Carry me on home to the Narborough Road Narborough Road, please Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
5.
I did a gig in New York - It didn't really work out like I thought it would I saw no Spiderman in action nor indeed Fantastic Four When I did a gig in New York We were heading to a wedding as far off as you can go On the way we thought we'd try and circumnavigate the globe With stop-offs in Oahu, San Francisco, Singapore but first of all in New York Well we set off mid-November and I realised mid-flight A festival we'd only seen on Friends was happening in real life US Citizens see Thanksgiving as mostly family time not for ROCK Not even in New York And so I couldn't get a booking no matter how hard I tried The only gig still going was a poet's Open Mic So I met with Gregg and Mrs Gregg, some friends, on the East Side And off we went to a gig in New York I did a gig in New York - It didn't really work out like I thought it would I didn't meet Madonna or get showered with applause when I did a gig in New York The other acts were angry poets or stand-ups who would all say God*** you mother******s, also Happy Holidays Poets don't use ukeleles, stand-ups do not have guitars so nor did I Not in New York So I stood up, acapella, and I shouted out two tunes Then told a joke about the founding fathers they all thought was rude After me two ladies waved vaginas, dancing round the room That's how it rolls, in New York I did a gig in New York I had a funny feeling I'd supported someone quite like them before But anyway, we finished off our beers and headed for the door and that was that For my gig in New York Well I took a Yellow Cab back to the hotel, in a daze Next day got up to go and watch the Macy's Day Parade As Charlie Brown pursued that football all the way down thirty fourth I thought Hang on, I'm in New York! And I did a gig in New York, OK it didn't work out like I thought it would But it's a story I will tell a million times and not get bored About the gig I did in New York So if you do a gig in New York Don't get upset if it don't work out exactly as you thought Just remember you'll remember one simple FACT for ever more: That you did a gig in New York Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
6.
Hey William 04:38
Hey William don't worry About the things you haven't done today You'll have all that time again tomorrow And tomorrow's just a close your eyes away There'll be thirty thousand mornings more That'll you'll have to explore The dreams you might start to dream tonight So William don't worry It's way past time for turning out the lights Hey William imagine The wonders of the world you'll grow into Who knows what will happen In all the time you've got coming to you You'll see things we've never seen In places we have never been And do things no-one's even thought of yet So William imagine It could happen if you get back into bed Maybe you'll live on the moon and fly to work on Mars Play songs beyond the Milky Way on alien guitars Take taxis to Atlantis and then stranger still by far Find out not all girls are boring and hand over your heart Hey William remember To take with you and keep for all your life On all your adventures A little of the way you feel tonight As time passes you'll find that it's Easier to act as if it's All been done and all been seen before But William remember There's always time to try and find out more Hey William please wake up My mind's alive with loads of things to do And William I hope that I get to share a few of them with you Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
7.
She walks with a sugar beat She talks with a silver tongue She was born in a silver spoon She was wise when the world was young She's a dispenser shaking, sachet breaking Sugar bag of fun She tastes like sugar, sweet to me I love her with a cup of tea She makes me smile so much I'll need To get an extra set of teeth She tastes like sugar, sweet to me She fills me up with calories We'll work them off athletically She tastes like sugar, sweet to me She tastes like sugar, sweet to me I love her with a cup of tea She makes me smile so much I'll need To get an extra set of teeth Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
8.
There's a field with not much in it, when I say not much I mean It's full of grass and birds and people, fresh air Dogs and paths and trees But there's nothing makes a profit and that must be wrong because It means there's really not much in it except for all of us Because it's just somewhere that’s good It's just a meadow but a meadow that we love Well it might not be suitable for a visit from the Queen But let's be honest, if we're honest nor are we There is no conservation order, none of its species are unique It's merely used by working people to break up the working week It makes no claims to be important in terms of history because All it needs to be important is what it means to all of us Because it's just somewhere that’s good It's just a meadow but a meadow that we love It's not a shining pure example of Great British Scenery But let's be honest, if we're honest nor are we And oh, they could build us yet another car park Goodness knows we'd love loads more of them Oh, or an office block or shops Or something else that we've already got Well a city's like a lifetime in that what it's all about Is not the landmarks or the money or awards that really count Making other people happier's what matters in the end And a meadow is a smile from a friend Because it's just somewhere that’s good It's just a meadow but a meadow that we love Therefore, in conclusion What we're singing this song for Is a for meadow, save the meadow, save us all Save a meadow, save the meadow, save us all Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
9.
I went into Birmingham, it doesn't matter why And I had to pass through a place that made me want to cry When Pinochet had passed away his soul was sent to fester In Birmingham New Street Station, it makes Hades look like Leicester It's hell on earth to be there, it's really really bad It's hell on earth to go there and I wish I never had It smells of sweat and desperation, it's dark and dank and ghastly It's staffed by souls who've lost all hope and the decor's frankly nasty The taxi rank is poorly placed, the shops are really boring The pub is crap, the loos cost cash and the signage is appalling It's hell on earth to be there, it's really really bad It's hell on earth to go there and I wish I never had It doesn't have to be this way, just look at York or Bristol Where the grandeur, for the traveller, makes changing almost blissful But New Street is a station of which nobody is proud Is it any wonder that the planners has it buried underground? It's hell on earth to be there, it's really really bad It's hell on earth to go there and I wish I never had Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
10.
Control Alt and Delete They're the only buttons that you need If you get blue screen of death Stretch your hands apart and press Control Alt and Delete It's a secret known to a small lucky few For looking clever when you haven't got a clue Say "I see your problem" then Apply the Helpdesk's brand of ZEN Control Alt Delete If machines receive malign intelligence We've one last way of mounting a defence If they act like they're above us And start acting silly buggers Control Alt and Delete Control Alt and Delete They're the only buttons that you need If your screen should ever freeze The de-icer that you need is Control Alt and Delete Control Alt and Delete They're the only buttons that you need If you get blue screen of death Stretch your hands apart and press Control Alt and Delete Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
11.
I live every day as if it's my last A bloke on the bus said but I think that's daft I said Then why did you iron that shirt? If it was my last day on earth I'm pretty sure I wouldn't go to work Come on then - tell me, where is the love If the only thing you're thinking of Is the pleasures you can contain in a day? I'd rather try and live my life as if I was born yesterday I was born yesterday With my heart on my sleeve At least that's what I believe Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah I was born yesterday If I can only look one way I'm not gonna look back If have to lose one tense I'll dispense with the past Cast off the shackles of doubt, and say I want it, yes, I want to find out how it ends, I want to see what's gonna happen next And though there may be no future, it's a pretty good bet That there's plenty to come that hasn't happened yet It's not exactly existential - what I mean to say Is that I'm gonna try and live my life like I was born yesterday I was born yesterday With my heart on my sleeve At least that's what I believe Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah I was born yesterday How would we ever know If ten seconds ago The whole world began for us, halfway through that chorus And everything we knew was wrong Our memories never existed and I've spent My whole life singing this song I was born yesterday Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
12.
Chips and cheese, pint of wine At the Poly Bop on a Friday night Stone Roses, Nirvana and Vanilla Ice Chips and cheese, pint of wine The tights are all stripey, the shoes are all Docs We've rips in our jeans and holes in our socks We're all bobbed and quiffed and our shirts are tie-died Chips and cheese, pint of wine The Berlin Wall's come down and Thatcher's just gone And we might dare to dream we'll not die by the bomb It'll soon be the future, but in the meantime Chips and cheese, pint of wine The arena's been knocked down, the kitchens have closed We've shortened our haircuts and widened our clothes We're annual dancers who've drifted apart But if you saw us now you'd say we're not that far from Chips and cheese, pint of wine At the Poly Bop on a Friday night Playing Daydream Believer as they turn on the lights Chips and cheese, pint of wine Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing

about

Solo album featuring guests such as Phil Wilson, Pete Green, most of The Validators and a cat, this is a hand-made package of fun, tunes, and rather exciting guitar soloes. It originally came in a limited hand-made edition with a booklet featuring lyrics, chords, and guide to playing all the songs on ukelele, and there's a PDF of this booklet included in the download.

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released October 22, 2007

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MJ Hibbett & The Validators London, UK

MJ Hibbett & The Validators have performed live on Radio One, had a Record Of The Year in Rolling Stone, an Album Of The Day on 6Music, released one of the first ever viral videos, toured the UK and Europe, featured in an Edinburgh Fringe Festival show, and recorded a science fiction rock opera, all while maintaining their complete independence from outside record labels. ... more

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