This Is Not A Library

by MJ Hibbett & The Validators

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about

This took three years to make, not because we struggled to make it work, but because it was so hard to get everyone in the same room at the same time. When we did manage to get into the studio we ROCKETED through it - the IDEA this time was to create every sound ourselves, and NOT to cut corners with what those sounds would be. I've always had GRATE IDEAS about what a song should sound like, but have either been unable to make that sound myself, or when I've found people who COULD make them I've been so grateful to them for turning up I've felt unable to keep them there long enough to do so. This time, however, it all came right, and we had a LOT of fun doing so. Hopefully that comes across.

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released July 21, 2003

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MJ Hibbett & The Validators UK

MJ Hibbett & The Validators have performed live on Radio One, had a Record Of The Year in Rolling Stone, an Album Of The Day on 6Music, released one of the first ever viral videos, toured the UK and Europe, featured in an Edinburgh Fringe Festival show, and recorded a science fiction rock opera, all while maintaining their complete independence from outside record labels. ... more

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Track Name: Things'll Be Different When I'm In Charge
From Dylan down to Guthrie, Bobby G and Billy Bragg
When a Singer takes Positions, someone's always bound to ask
You've complained about the way the world is run, but tell me this -
What's your answer to the problems of the world in which we live?
And the trouble is they've rarely got as far as formulating
Any policies for working on a day to daily basis
So distract the hack's attention with a hint that they do drugs
Or be so boring they'll ignore it, but I won't do that because

Things'll be different, Things'll be different
Things'll be different when I am in Charge
(when i am in charge)
Things'll be different
Things'll be different when I am in Charge

I'll renationalise the railways and I'll flog the fools in charge
I'll renationalise the post office but privatise the arts
Because if Opera is unpopular I see no reason why
An anochronistic art form should not be allowed to die
DJs will be taxed until there is no earthly way
They can earn more money than the bands whose records they all play
I'll disown the National Anthem, have Jerusalem instead
Give Independence to the English from the London Media Set

Things'll be different, Things'll be different
Things'll be different when I am in Charge
(when i am in charge)
Things'll be different
Things'll be different when I am in Charge

MJ Hibbett & The Validators say - This Is Not A Library!
MJ Hibbett & The Validators say - This Is Not A Library!
MJ Hibbett & The Validators say - This Is Not A Library!
MJ Hibbett & The Validators say - This Is Not A Library!

I will raise the wage of teachers (except those who teach PE)
And I will push a pile of cash into Improving A&E
Organic Farmers are the only ones who will get grants
And we'll be going into Europe with a Euro in our hands
Elect the House of Lords directly using STV
And have Re-Open Nominations on the ballots for MPs
The Church of England will be Disestablished and then we
Will embark upon a process very similar viz. the Queen

Things'll be different, Things'll be different
Things'll be different when I am in Charge
(when i am in charge)
Things'll be different
Things'll be different when I am in Charge
Track Name: The Symbol Of Our Nation
This Is Not A Library
This Is Not A Library
This Is Not A Library
This Is Not A Library

The Scottish and the Welsh now have their own assemblies
While the English are left wondering "Exactly who are we?"
It's a question that needs answering before the Battle's lost
And the forces of the Right bedeck themselves in George's Cross
We need to reassert an idea that can create a nation
That's united out of choice and not by pigmentation
A symbol of inclusion from which nobody is barred
Something we can point at and say "That is who we are."

So let the symbol of our nation be a pub
Because it symbolises the things in life that are English and are good
Irrespective of your faith, sexual preference or race
Let the symbol of our nation be a pub

Yes, the nature of our island is not unlike a pub
It's crowded and it's noisy, and bits keep dropping off
The regulars don't change much, though the landlords come and go
And the decor was quite fashionable a hundred years ago
Music, thought and football pour from every table-town
There's a thousand ancient rules and yet not one is written down
We like to make out that we are parochial and shy
But a look along the menu tells you that's a bloody lie

So let the symbol of our nation be a pub
Because it symbolises the things in life that are English and are good
Irrespective of your faith, sexual preference or race
Let the symbol of our nation be a pub

And it might appear to strangers that the welcome's not too warm
But respect given for free is not worth anything at all
And if you've got an idea or just like to have a laugh
Then it won't be very long before you're sitting at the bar
And there'll always be some old sod who is mumbling in his pint
About the other pubs around here which he's never been inside
We'll all laugh politely though we wish he'd bugger off
So we can enjoy a place which we will not admit we love

So let the symbol of our nation be a pub
It symbolises the things in life that are English and are good
Irrespective of your faith, sexual preference or race
Let the symbol of our nation be a pub

This Is Not A Library
This Is Not A Library
This Is Not A Library
This Is Not A Library
Track Name: (insert title here)
Do you remember when we used to go to
(fill in your own pub name here)
The people we'd talk to when we used to go to
(fill in your own pub name here)
We were so happy then - can't we go back again?
We would have nothing to fear
If we could go back to where we were happy at
(fill in your own pub name here)

My friends/my colleagues/the people I fancied
(delete that which does not apply)
Used to end up in there/Started the night in there
(delete that which does not apply)
That's where I saw her, the last time I saw her/
The first time I looked in her eyes
It started/It ended/We said we stay friendly
(delete that which does not apply)

Now I look back and think "I'm glad it's over"
(do you agree or disagree?)
Towards the end it wasn't half as good anyway
(do you agree or disagree?)
Though it was wonderful I wouldn't want to go
Back to that old way of life
Nostalgia's all right but that's like living in the past
(do you agree or disagree?)

And do you remember when we used to go to
(fill in your own pub name here)
The people we'd talk to, when we used to go to
(fill in your own pub name here)
I wonder where they all are, propping up different bars
Do they remember my name?
Or is it lost to them, now that they're drinking in
(fill in your own pub name here)
Track Name: Falling For Trust
When she was six she saw her world collapse
When she was seven she had to learn to grow up fast
She got a dictionary so she could look up names
That you'd never think she ought to know, not at that age

She shut herself up in her mind and in her room and then
Decided that she'd never ever fall
Fall for trust again

When she was growing up she kept herself apart
She scorned society and found herself in books and in art
She got a good degree, so she could know the names
Of the dead who painted pictures in another age

She didn't see the point in trying to make friends
Because she knew she'd never ever fall
Fall for trust again

But then she let down her guard and let somebody in
She took a chance and saw a world which she thought was a dream
Threw out her dictionary and all the ghosts she'd named
And found a truer art that can't put upon a page

And when that chapter of her life came to an end
At least she knew it was OK to fall
Fall for trust again

Don't waste time sitting alone inside and thinking
Go get outside because life's a pint you should be drinking

This Is Not A Library
This Is Not A Library
This Is Not A Library
This Is Not A Library
Track Name: Last Orders
Number one, but only 'cause it's near
Number two sells ridiculously over-priced beer
Tomorrow you'll be off to London, today we're on the piss
So call Last Orders on all of this.

Number three's where I saw you at your worst
Number four's where we went to watch you try to talk to those Spanish Girls
Five got knocked down months ago, now it's a hole in the ground
So call Last Orders on this town

Number six - I'm gagging for some chips
Number seven's where we went and played our first ever gig
Our history slides down a pint glass and my head's getting thin
So call Last Orders and get them in.

Number eight is full of farewell friends
Number nine's changed too much so drink your drinks and then we're
Off to Number Ten
We've saved the best 'til last because this is where we first met
So please don't call Last Orders yet
Don't call Last Orders yet
Don't call Last Orders yet
Track Name: Holdalls Is The New Name For Midland Mainline Lost Property
If you've lost your bag on the
Railway don't be sad
'Cause there's a major innovation
That will increase levels of serenity

For the sake of all of our
Customers we've decided
That we're gonna try rebranding
What you think of as Lost Property

And Holdalls is the new name for Midland Mainline Lost Property

We've got a brand new logo and
Headed letter paper so that
If we write to tell that your handbag's gone forever
You won't mind

And if you ask any staff on the
Platform where to go to
Report lost luggage, well they'll
Probably tell you that it's closed

But it's Holdalls, the new name for Midland Mainline Lost Property

They call it Holdalls - get your bags in at
Holdalls, and Christmas Wrapping at
Holdalls, the new name for Midland Mainline Lost Property

And when we've done with that there's only
One thing left that we can
Mess around a bit with, instead of
Actually doing any work

Yes - the toilets have been sorely
Disregarded in terms of branding
We apologise profusely and hope you understand
That this will be remedied

Like Holdalls, the new name for Midland Mainline Lost Property

We're gonna call them Slash.Com
Did you hear that? Slash.Com
Yes it is really clever, be impressed
That took us nearly half an hour

And if you think that's all be warned
'Cause there's much more - GIRD yourself, see
The gents will be Forward Slash with
Backslash the new name for the Ladies

And Holdalls is the new name for Midland Mainline Lost Property

They call it Holdalls - get your bags in at
Holdalls, and Christmas Wrapping at
Holdalls, the new name for Midland Mainline Lost Property

These privatised urinals'll charge you twenty pee a piss
The staff will still look down on you like you're a piece of shit
The food will be indedible, the prices will still hurt
The tanny's still inaudible, and the ticket machines won't work

But we don't give a shit
You'll still put up with it
There isn't really any choice
You know it and baby so do we
And Holdalls is the new name for Midland Mainline Lost Propery
Track Name: The Girl Who...
One last look
Before she surrenders her swipe-card
She's gone for good
To somewhere where flexi-time's almost unheard of
She got ten pounds worth of vouchers
To be redeemed in Boots

She wanted more than that

Something to shout about
To care about
To prove that she's part of the planet
To put away
So on Judgement Day
She can say "This is what I did with my life"

She's on that train down South.
She's gone to find out
What all the fuss is all about
She'll make her way in society
And be on the scene

You'll see her in the Sunday Supplements

Someone to laugh about
To chat about
To prove that there's life on the planet
To put away
So on Judgement Day
We can say "This is what I did with my life"

My life, my life
Does even she know she's a part of
My life, my life
We'll know her history and say
"She put her heart on her sleeve
And then she blew her nose"

She wanted more than that

Something to shout about
To care about
To prove that she's part of the planet
To put away
So on Judgement Day
She can say "This is what I did with my life"

My life, my life
I wanted so much more from
My life, my life
At least I wasn't ignored
In my life
Track Name: Fat Was A Feminist Issue
The purpose of the fight
I thought, for Women's Rights
Was to free a gender from being merely decoration
I thought that all those books said
You shouldn't judge a woman by the way that she looks
Equal Civil Rights are only half of Emancipation

But when I got into a paper shop
I'll see a copy of Men's Health
There's always some bloke in black and white
On the cover laughing to himself.
Or is he? Is he laughing at you and me
And our imperfect physique?
Has Body Fascism grown
A Y Chromosome?

And if you thought that
Fat was a feminist issue
Fat was a feminist issue
Fat was a feminist issue
That does not apply to men, then
Think again

Time was when a bloke
Needed a razor blade and a bar of soap
And would wonder at women's neuroses on the quiet
But now all that has changed
We're equally deranged
How many men here I wonder have been on a diet?

And the Fashionistas say
"This is BLOODY GRATE
Finally we can make men's fashion 'cost-effective'
We'll send them to the Gym
Give them panic attacks about the state of their skin
It's another half a nation that we can turn anorexic"

And if you thought that
Fat was a feminist issue
Fat was a feminist issue
Fat was a feminist issue
That does not apply to men, then
Think again

If all you see are calories,
And what you're allowed for dinner
Don't be amazed if it's your brains
Not your waist that is getting thinner
We've all been duped by the pursuit
Of perfect pecs and six packs
Into the trap that women had
Been stuck inside forever

So let's burn our bras
And our membership cards
Of Top Shop and The Gym
Coming soon - The Bra For Him
We'll be trussed up soon enough
You mark my words

And if you thought that
Fat was a feminist issue
Fat was a feminist issue
Fat was a feminist issue
That does not apply to men, then
Think again
Track Name: Good Cooking
I need some good cooking
Need some good cooking
I need filling up with Vitamins B12, C and A
I need some good cooking
But the back of my cupboard ain't too good looking
And a little bit of loving on the side wouldn't go astray

Well it's the end of the month and there's no money left
I've got a bag of chick peas and a loaf of bread
A knackered bag of lentils and a solitary can of beer
There's a pint of milk that's older than me
Something brown and furry that's supposed to be cheese
And a bit of frozen pizza in the freezer from the Thatcher years

I need some good cooking
Need some good cooking
I need filling up with Vitamins B12, C and A
I need some good cooking
But the back of my cupboard ain't too good looking
And a little bit of loving on the side wouldn't go astray

Well you can't make a curry from an oxo cube
There's no taramasalata in a toothpaste tube
The bank inside the sofa can't buy another bag of chips
I want to dine out in style but i'm bloody skint
I've got 27p and a polo mint
And a natural aversion to another buttered weetabix

I need some good cooking
Need some good cooking
I need filling up with Vitamins B12, C and A
I need some good cooking
But the back of my cupboard ain't too good looking
And a little bit of loving on the side wouldn't go astray

So I'll have a bit of beer and I'll boil the peas
Add a dash of gravy and avoid the cheese
Put them altogether and it tastes like crap
So I'll stick it in the bin and run around to your flat

I know that you get paid
On a different day
And if you let me in your Larder you can steal my heart away

Hey!

I need some good cooking
Need some good cooking
I need filling up with Vitamins B12, C and A
I need some good cooking
But the back of my cupboard ain't too good looking
And a little bit of loving on the side wouldn't go astray
Track Name: The Back Of The Sofa
I took all my troubles
And sent them away
To a town called tomorrow
They turned up today
And the thoughts i threw over
The back of the sofa
Are back

I dug out the key
And I opened the box
But now it won't shut
'Cause it's stuck in the lock
And the thoughts i threw over
The back of the sofa
Are back

And you said
"You can sort it out after you're dead"
But the thoughts i threw over
The back of the sofa
Are back

It's poured out of bottles
I've stored up for years
I'm up to my neck in
A bathtub of tears
And the thoughts i threw over
The back of the sofa
Are back

My issues, like tissues,
Have run out of roll
I've reached the stage when i thought
My dad was old
And the thoughts i threw over
The back of the sofa
Are back

So please leave your name
And a number, and i'll call
You back when I am back on my feet again
So please leave a message
And a purpose, by the door
And i'll pick them up when i am
Coming in out of the rain

I'm filing my life into
Order again
My mind alphabetical
Anger to Zen when
The thoughts i threw over
The back of the sofa
Go back

When i'm back to normal
Whatever that means
We'll go out for a drink
Yeah, i'll give you a ring
When the thoughts i threw over
The back of the sofa
Go back

And you said
"You can sort it out after you're dead
When the thoughts you threw over
The back of the sofa
Go back"

But the thoughts I threw over
The back of the sofa
Are back
Track Name: Make The World Go Blind
You've got the sharpest tongue that I have ever seen
I know the average, and you're above the mean
You've got a dirty mouth, I've got a filthy mind
Lend me experience, I'll pay it back in kind

Let's have an affair
And make the world go blind
Let's have an affair
And make the world go blind

I couldn't give a shit for what you've done before
The only flowers here are growing on the walls
You don't need loving looks, and I don't want to talk
Let's do each other until we can't walk at all

Let's have an affair
And make the world go blind
Let's have an affair
And make the world go blind

And at the death of night
We'll make the bed of lies
And say we tried
To make the world go blind

He waits for Sunday papers as he's walking back
She hears the early morning noises of the flat
Another victory you think you might have won
But it's so hard to tell when staring out the sun

Let's have an affair
And make the world go blind
Let's have an affair
And make the world go blind

We both know why we're here and
We both know what we're after
This is not the time or place
For music or laughter
Future reminiscences
Politely declined
There's no time for taking pictures
When you're making the world go blind
Track Name: Nothing In Common, Except, maybe
I walk and you won't
You dance and i don't
We got nothing in common, except, maybe...

You're cold and I'm hot
I'm slim and you're not
We got nothing in common, except, maybe...

I like to rise when the sun's still sleeping
I'd stay in bed 'til early evening, if i could because

I live for the night
And I'm in bed at nine
We got nothing in common, except, maybe...

You're suspicious of men
Aren't you one of them?
We got nothing in common, except, maybe...

I'm happy with obscurities by the Beatles
I'm happy with the Greatest Hits of M People

I'm muck and you're soap
Together we'll cope
We got nothing in common, except
Got nothing in common, except
We got nothing in common, except, maybe...
Track Name: Post-Subsonic Bass
When I was a younger man
I used to be afeared
That things I bought in trendy shops
Made shop assistants sneer
But now I am an older man
I don't give a tinker's twat
Follow me to the boutique
Wherein I will demand

Don't tell me you're still listening to Post-Subsonic Bass?
Don't tell me you believe the geeks in Mixmag and The Face?
Surely you weren't serious about dressing in brown?
Give me Marks & Spencer, Paul McCartney, Angler's Weekly NOW

Confuse the minds of younger types
By saying, with a grin
"Darling dearest, don't you know?"
"The Pissed Old Git look's in."
When peering at a piercing
It's fun to say "Oh no!"
"How charmingly retro"

So don't tell me you're still listening to Post-Subsonic Bass
Don't tell me you believe the geeks in Mixmag and The Face
Surely you weren't serious about dressing in brown?
Give me Marks & Spencer, Paul McCartney, Angler's Weekly NOW

My cardigan's my armour
And my slippers are my steed
Marmite is my armalite
A catalogue my creed
A club's a pub for cretins
Where you don't have to converse
God is not a DJ
But this is as fun as church

So don't tell me you're still listening to Post-Subsonic Bass
Don't tell me you believe the geeks in Mixmag and The Face
Surely you weren't serious about dressing in brown?
Give me Marks & Spencer, Paul McCartney, Angler's Weekly NOW
Give me David Bowie, BHS, 2000AD NOW
Give me Star Trek, Penguins, HMV and Record Collector NOW
And a Littlewood's platter
A bag of sweets from Woolworths
And a t-shirt without a cocking logo NOW
Track Name: You Will Be Hearing From My Solicitor
You said when i walked out that door
You could not continue to live
But on further investigation
It turns out that's a fib
You said that you would shuffle off this mortal coil
It hasn't happened yet
And like a fool i went and believed
Every stupid word you said

Well, you will be hearing from my solicitor

I'm gonna sue the sorry ass off you
And when i'm through you won't be able to sit down

You said that you would lay down and die
Which you've manifestly failed to do
You said that you would never love again
But it seems that that's not true
And i felt really guilty
I need not have so done
Cos worst of all, you're getting some again
And i am getting none

Well, you will be hearing from my solicitor

I'm gonna sue the sorry ass off you
And when i'm through you won't be able to sit down
Track Name: Everything's Turning Out All Right, Everything
I never thought I'd live to see the age of twenty
But you can see by the state of my stomach that I'm not dead
I thought the world would end in Fire and Winter
But if you look out the window you'll see it hasn't happened yet

And everything's turning out all right, everything
Everything's turning out all right - oh yeah
Everything's turning out all right, everything
Everything's turning out all right - oh yeah

I thought that I would live my life alone and lonely
But it turns out, nowadays, I probably won't
I thought that I repelled all women instantly
But evidence has been brought to light to show that I don't
(at least not always)

And everything's turning out all right, everything
Everything's turning out all right - oh yeah
Everything's turning out all right, everything
Everything's turning out all right - oh yeah

And you might say "Have you seen the news?"
"It's all really bad"
I'd reply - I've seen the news
And yes, it makes me sad to know that
People like you
And people like me
Have to live their lives unhappily
But I can only speak for me
And as far as I can see

Everything's turning out all right, everything
Everything's turning out all right - oh yeah
Everything's turning out all right, everything
Everything's turning out all right - oh yeah

Now, some people say they see the world as if the glass is half empty
Some people say they see the world as if the glass is half full
Other people yet say that that's a redundant metaphor -
Maybe the glass is half full 'cos that's all you're going to get?
Or
Maybe the glass is half empty 'cause you drank the rest
And really liked it

Yeah, anyway that's not the point I'm trying to make
See, I'll base how I feel my feelings are upon the way I feel
And not the way I feel I ought to feel

Because it's not gonna make much difference to the world if you
Pile all the panic of the planet upon your back
And though I know the world's awash with woe and weeping, that's no reason
For a frown when you know this FACT -

Everything's turning out all right, everything
Everything's turning out all right - oh yeah
Everything's turning out all right, everything
Everything's turning out all right - oh yeah
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah
Track Name: BBC2 (A New Hope)
Every magazine
I happened to read
In WHSmiths
Seemed to scream at me
"It's big and bold and it's new!"
"And it's coming soon"
"To a screen near you!"

And in order to inflame us
They showed a million trailers
Packed with special effects
I guess I ought to have guessed
But I'd hoped it would be
A romantic comedy
Until a round-table discussion
Late night
On BBC2
Changed my point of view
BBC2

And when it finally arrived
It nearly lived up to the hype
And what we got
Was a mis-directed epic
Packed with action
Explosions and disasters
Shame about the actors
They were cast against type
We stayed up all night
You should have seen the queue
It was on BBC2
A static picture of perfection
Me and you
On BBC2.

And though I got over-excited at the time
And bought the merchandise
It didn't take me very long
To realise
That though it's very flash and fancy
It'll never be a classic
Now my tie-in t-shirt lies unwashed
Unwanted
At the bottom of the basket

And I don't want to see scenes previously unseen
Widescreen
On the DVD


And in a year or two
On a Sunday afternoon
You'll see it there
On BBC2
It warrants two or three lines
In the Radio Times
Not even a photograph of you
On BBC2
Track Name: Easily Impressed
When I buy a pint of milk on the way home from work
I think "I bought that with the money I earnt"
"Working all week long in a job I like"
And it leads me to think about my whole life
Like the friends I've got and the flat I have
And the fact that I am acting like a full-grown man
And the best thing about this Babylon I've built
Is that I got it all out of a pint of milk

And I guess
That I am Easily Impressed
Oh Yeah yeah yeah, yes YES
Easily Impressed

I like a posh cup of coffee with a plastic spout
The ease of navigation of the London Underground
A Remington Strimmer for a hairy nose
The futuristic possibilities of Mobile Phones
Email! Dinosaurs! Washing Machines!
The trams of Sheffield! Vegetarian Cheese!
It's a string of epiphanies every day
That's my philosophy, although some might say (or suggest)

That I am Easily Impressed
Oh yeah yeah yeah, yes YES
Easily Impressed

(Oi! Hibbett!)
How may I help you?
(You don't really mean that)
Well, I'm afraid I do, you see
Given the chance to choose or pick
Between despairing of life or taking delight in it
I'll take the latter
Because it makes me happy
And surely that's what it's all about?
The wonders of the world
Be it mountains or taking a taxi
Childbirth or real draught bitter in a can
Love or microwaved popcorn
Oh yeah yeah yeah, yes YES.
I guess I'm Easily Impressed
Oh yeah yeah yeah, yes YES
Easily Impressed
Track Name: One Last Party
Like an Ornithocheirus
When the weather's warmer
And it calls him away to breed
There's only one thing for us
When we hear last orders
And as one everybody leaves

As he crosses the Atlantic
We cross the main road
When he reaches his beach
We all know

We'll go to one more nightclub
we'll have one more dance
We'll give it one more song
Then we'll go
We'll go to one last party
Give it one last chance
We'll have one last drink
And go home


Why do I do it?
Every Saturday night
I dash down to the corner shop
Get out the same set of numbers
As I did the first time
If I don't I know they'll all come up

You said "You could have saved three hundred quid
I said "I know!"
"I'll give it in next week"
"Just give me one last go"

I'll go to one more nightclub
I'll have more last dance
I'll give it one more song
Then I'll go
I'll go to one last party
Give it one last chance
I'll have one last drink
And go home

I see The Fall have got
Another album out
You bought it home on the very first day
And now it sits beside
The other twenty five
Waiting for a second play

But you'll labour on
Since you're got all the rest
Another Kurious Oranj
Could be coming next

You'll go to one more nightclub
You'll have more last dance
You'll give it one more song
Then you'll go
You'll go to one last party
Give it one last chance
You'll have one last drink
And go home

And when you finally decide
To give the whole thing up
You'll win ten quid on the Lottery
On your front door step
There's an enormous egg
And Mark E Smith sings, melodiously

That this is not the answer
This is not the end
Every indoor dancer
Gets to try again

We'll go to one more nightclub
we'll have one more dance
We'll give it one more song
Then we'll go
We'll go to one last party
Give it one last chance
We'll have one last drink
And go home

Home
Go home
Don't you want to go home, sweet home?
This Is Not A Library