This Is Not A Library

by MJ Hibbett & The Validators

/
1.
From Dylan down to Guthrie, Bobby G and Billy Bragg When a Singer takes Positions, someone's always bound to ask You've complained about the way the world is run, but tell me this - What's your answer to the problems of the world in which we live? And the trouble is they've rarely got as far as formulating Any policies for working on a day to daily basis So distract the hack's attention with a hint that they do drugs Or be so boring they'll ignore it, but I won't do that because Things'll be different, Things'll be different Things'll be different when I am in Charge (when i am in charge) Things'll be different Things'll be different when I am in Charge I'll renationalise the railways and I'll flog the fools in charge I'll renationalise the post office but privatise the arts Because if Opera is unpopular I see no reason why An anochronistic art form should not be allowed to die DJs will be taxed until there is no earthly way They can earn more money than the bands whose records they all play I'll disown the National Anthem, have Jerusalem instead Give Independence to the English from the London Media Set Things'll be different, Things'll be different Things'll be different when I am in Charge (when i am in charge) Things'll be different Things'll be different when I am in Charge MJ Hibbett & The Validators say - This Is Not A Library! MJ Hibbett & The Validators say - This Is Not A Library! MJ Hibbett & The Validators say - This Is Not A Library! MJ Hibbett & The Validators say - This Is Not A Library! I will raise the wage of teachers (except those who teach PE) And I will push a pile of cash into Improving A&E Organic Farmers are the only ones who will get grants And we'll be going into Europe with a Euro in our hands Elect the House of Lords directly using STV And have Re-Open Nominations on the ballots for MPs The Church of England will be Disestablished and then we Will embark upon a process very similar viz. the Queen Things'll be different, Things'll be different Things'll be different when I am in Charge (when i am in charge) Things'll be different Things'll be different when I am in Charge
2.
This Is Not A Library This Is Not A Library This Is Not A Library This Is Not A Library The Scottish and the Welsh now have their own assemblies While the English are left wondering "Exactly who are we?" It's a question that needs answering before the Battle's lost And the forces of the Right bedeck themselves in George's Cross We need to reassert an idea that can create a nation That's united out of choice and not by pigmentation A symbol of inclusion from which nobody is barred Something we can point at and say "That is who we are." So let the symbol of our nation be a pub Because it symbolises the things in life that are English and are good Irrespective of your faith, sexual preference or race Let the symbol of our nation be a pub Yes, the nature of our island is not unlike a pub It's crowded and it's noisy, and bits keep dropping off The regulars don't change much, though the landlords come and go And the decor was quite fashionable a hundred years ago Music, thought and football pour from every table-town There's a thousand ancient rules and yet not one is written down We like to make out that we are parochial and shy But a look along the menu tells you that's a bloody lie So let the symbol of our nation be a pub Because it symbolises the things in life that are English and are good Irrespective of your faith, sexual preference or race Let the symbol of our nation be a pub And it might appear to strangers that the welcome's not too warm But respect given for free is not worth anything at all And if you've got an idea or just like to have a laugh Then it won't be very long before you're sitting at the bar And there'll always be some old sod who is mumbling in his pint About the other pubs around here which he's never been inside We'll all laugh politely though we wish he'd bugger off So we can enjoy a place which we will not admit we love So let the symbol of our nation be a pub It symbolises the things in life that are English and are good Irrespective of your faith, sexual preference or race Let the symbol of our nation be a pub This Is Not A Library This Is Not A Library This Is Not A Library This Is Not A Library
3.
Do you remember when we used to go to (fill in your own pub name here) The people we'd talk to when we used to go to (fill in your own pub name here) We were so happy then - can't we go back again? We would have nothing to fear If we could go back to where we were happy at (fill in your own pub name here) My friends/my colleagues/the people I fancied (delete that which does not apply) Used to end up in there/Started the night in there (delete that which does not apply) That's where I saw her, the last time I saw her/ The first time I looked in her eyes It started/It ended/We said we stay friendly (delete that which does not apply) Now I look back and think "I'm glad it's over" (do you agree or disagree?) Towards the end it wasn't half as good anyway (do you agree or disagree?) Though it was wonderful I wouldn't want to go Back to that old way of life Nostalgia's all right but that's like living in the past (do you agree or disagree?) And do you remember when we used to go to (fill in your own pub name here) The people we'd talk to, when we used to go to (fill in your own pub name here) I wonder where they all are, propping up different bars Do they remember my name? Or is it lost to them, now that they're drinking in (fill in your own pub name here)
4.
When she was six she saw her world collapse When she was seven she had to learn to grow up fast She got a dictionary so she could look up names That you'd never think she ought to know, not at that age She shut herself up in her mind and in her room and then Decided that she'd never ever fall Fall for trust again When she was growing up she kept herself apart She scorned society and found herself in books and in art She got a good degree, so she could know the names Of the dead who painted pictures in another age She didn't see the point in trying to make friends Because she knew she'd never ever fall Fall for trust again But then she let down her guard and let somebody in She took a chance and saw a world which she thought was a dream Threw out her dictionary and all the ghosts she'd named And found a truer art that can't put upon a page And when that chapter of her life came to an end At least she knew it was OK to fall Fall for trust again Don't waste time sitting alone inside and thinking Go get outside because life's a pint you should be drinking This Is Not A Library This Is Not A Library This Is Not A Library This Is Not A Library
5.
Last Orders 02:34
Number one, but only 'cause it's near Number two sells ridiculously over-priced beer Tomorrow you'll be off to London, today we're on the piss So call Last Orders on all of this. Number three's where I saw you at your worst Number four's where we went to watch you try to talk to those Spanish Girls Five got knocked down months ago, now it's a hole in the ground So call Last Orders on this town Number six - I'm gagging for some chips Number seven's where we went and played our first ever gig Our history slides down a pint glass and my head's getting thin So call Last Orders and get them in. Number eight is full of farewell friends Number nine's changed too much so drink your drinks and then we're Off to Number Ten We've saved the best 'til last because this is where we first met So please don't call Last Orders yet Don't call Last Orders yet Don't call Last Orders yet
6.
If you've lost your bag on the Railway don't be sad 'Cause there's a major innovation That will increase levels of serenity For the sake of all of our Customers we've decided That we're gonna try rebranding What you think of as Lost Property And Holdalls is the new name for Midland Mainline Lost Property We've got a brand new logo and Headed letter paper so that If we write to tell that your handbag's gone forever You won't mind And if you ask any staff on the Platform where to go to Report lost luggage, well they'll Probably tell you that it's closed But it's Holdalls, the new name for Midland Mainline Lost Property They call it Holdalls - get your bags in at Holdalls, and Christmas Wrapping at Holdalls, the new name for Midland Mainline Lost Property And when we've done with that there's only One thing left that we can Mess around a bit with, instead of Actually doing any work Yes - the toilets have been sorely Disregarded in terms of branding We apologise profusely and hope you understand That this will be remedied Like Holdalls, the new name for Midland Mainline Lost Property We're gonna call them Slash.Com Did you hear that? Slash.Com Yes it is really clever, be impressed That took us nearly half an hour And if you think that's all be warned 'Cause there's much more - GIRD yourself, see The gents will be Forward Slash with Backslash the new name for the Ladies And Holdalls is the new name for Midland Mainline Lost Property They call it Holdalls - get your bags in at Holdalls, and Christmas Wrapping at Holdalls, the new name for Midland Mainline Lost Property These privatised urinals'll charge you twenty pee a piss The staff will still look down on you like you're a piece of shit The food will be indedible, the prices will still hurt The tanny's still inaudible, and the ticket machines won't work But we don't give a shit You'll still put up with it There isn't really any choice You know it and baby so do we And Holdalls is the new name for Midland Mainline Lost Propery
7.
One last look Before she surrenders her swipe-card She's gone for good To somewhere where flexi-time's almost unheard of She got ten pounds worth of vouchers To be redeemed in Boots She wanted more than that Something to shout about To care about To prove that she's part of the planet To put away So on Judgement Day She can say "This is what I did with my life" She's on that train down South. She's gone to find out What all the fuss is all about She'll make her way in society And be on the scene You'll see her in the Sunday Supplements Someone to laugh about To chat about To prove that there's life on the planet To put away So on Judgement Day We can say "This is what I did with my life" My life, my life Does even she know she's a part of My life, my life We'll know her history and say "She put her heart on her sleeve And then she blew her nose" She wanted more than that Something to shout about To care about To prove that she's part of the planet To put away So on Judgement Day She can say "This is what I did with my life" My life, my life I wanted so much more from My life, my life At least I wasn't ignored In my life
8.
The purpose of the fight I thought, for Women's Rights Was to free a gender from being merely decoration I thought that all those books said You shouldn't judge a woman by the way that she looks Equal Civil Rights are only half of Emancipation But when I got into a paper shop I'll see a copy of Men's Health There's always some bloke in black and white On the cover laughing to himself. Or is he? Is he laughing at you and me And our imperfect physique? Has Body Fascism grown A Y Chromosome? And if you thought that Fat was a feminist issue Fat was a feminist issue Fat was a feminist issue That does not apply to men, then Think again Time was when a bloke Needed a razor blade and a bar of soap And would wonder at women's neuroses on the quiet But now all that has changed We're equally deranged How many men here I wonder have been on a diet? And the Fashionistas say "This is BLOODY GRATE Finally we can make men's fashion 'cost-effective' We'll send them to the Gym Give them panic attacks about the state of their skin It's another half a nation that we can turn anorexic" And if you thought that Fat was a feminist issue Fat was a feminist issue Fat was a feminist issue That does not apply to men, then Think again If all you see are calories, And what you're allowed for dinner Don't be amazed if it's your brains Not your waist that is getting thinner We've all been duped by the pursuit Of perfect pecs and six packs Into the trap that women had Been stuck inside forever So let's burn our bras And our membership cards Of Top Shop and The Gym Coming soon - The Bra For Him We'll be trussed up soon enough You mark my words And if you thought that Fat was a feminist issue Fat was a feminist issue Fat was a feminist issue That does not apply to men, then Think again
9.
Good Cooking 02:41
I need some good cooking Need some good cooking I need filling up with Vitamins B12, C and A I need some good cooking But the back of my cupboard ain't too good looking And a little bit of loving on the side wouldn't go astray Well it's the end of the month and there's no money left I've got a bag of chick peas and a loaf of bread A knackered bag of lentils and a solitary can of beer There's a pint of milk that's older than me Something brown and furry that's supposed to be cheese And a bit of frozen pizza in the freezer from the Thatcher years I need some good cooking Need some good cooking I need filling up with Vitamins B12, C and A I need some good cooking But the back of my cupboard ain't too good looking And a little bit of loving on the side wouldn't go astray Well you can't make a curry from an oxo cube There's no taramasalata in a toothpaste tube The bank inside the sofa can't buy another bag of chips I want to dine out in style but i'm bloody skint I've got 27p and a polo mint And a natural aversion to another buttered weetabix I need some good cooking Need some good cooking I need filling up with Vitamins B12, C and A I need some good cooking But the back of my cupboard ain't too good looking And a little bit of loving on the side wouldn't go astray So I'll have a bit of beer and I'll boil the peas Add a dash of gravy and avoid the cheese Put them altogether and it tastes like crap So I'll stick it in the bin and run around to your flat I know that you get paid On a different day And if you let me in your Larder you can steal my heart away Hey! I need some good cooking Need some good cooking I need filling up with Vitamins B12, C and A I need some good cooking But the back of my cupboard ain't too good looking And a little bit of loving on the side wouldn't go astray
10.
I took all my troubles And sent them away To a town called tomorrow They turned up today And the thoughts i threw over The back of the sofa Are back I dug out the key And I opened the box But now it won't shut 'Cause it's stuck in the lock And the thoughts i threw over The back of the sofa Are back And you said "You can sort it out after you're dead" But the thoughts i threw over The back of the sofa Are back It's poured out of bottles I've stored up for years I'm up to my neck in A bathtub of tears And the thoughts i threw over The back of the sofa Are back My issues, like tissues, Have run out of roll I've reached the stage when i thought My dad was old And the thoughts i threw over The back of the sofa Are back So please leave your name And a number, and i'll call You back when I am back on my feet again So please leave a message And a purpose, by the door And i'll pick them up when i am Coming in out of the rain I'm filing my life into Order again My mind alphabetical Anger to Zen when The thoughts i threw over The back of the sofa Go back When i'm back to normal Whatever that means We'll go out for a drink Yeah, i'll give you a ring When the thoughts i threw over The back of the sofa Go back And you said "You can sort it out after you're dead When the thoughts you threw over The back of the sofa Go back" But the thoughts I threw over The back of the sofa Are back
11.
You've got the sharpest tongue that I have ever seen I know the average, and you're above the mean You've got a dirty mouth, I've got a filthy mind Lend me experience, I'll pay it back in kind Let's have an affair And make the world go blind Let's have an affair And make the world go blind I couldn't give a shit for what you've done before The only flowers here are growing on the walls You don't need loving looks, and I don't want to talk Let's do each other until we can't walk at all Let's have an affair And make the world go blind Let's have an affair And make the world go blind And at the death of night We'll make the bed of lies And say we tried To make the world go blind He waits for Sunday papers as he's walking back She hears the early morning noises of the flat Another victory you think you might have won But it's so hard to tell when staring out the sun Let's have an affair And make the world go blind Let's have an affair And make the world go blind We both know why we're here and We both know what we're after This is not the time or place For music or laughter Future reminiscences Politely declined There's no time for taking pictures When you're making the world go blind
12.
I walk and you won't You dance and i don't We got nothing in common, except, maybe... You're cold and I'm hot I'm slim and you're not We got nothing in common, except, maybe... I like to rise when the sun's still sleeping I'd stay in bed 'til early evening, if i could because I live for the night And I'm in bed at nine We got nothing in common, except, maybe... You're suspicious of men Aren't you one of them? We got nothing in common, except, maybe... I'm happy with obscurities by the Beatles I'm happy with the Greatest Hits of M People I'm muck and you're soap Together we'll cope We got nothing in common, except Got nothing in common, except We got nothing in common, except, maybe...
13.
When I was a younger man I used to be afeared That things I bought in trendy shops Made shop assistants sneer But now I am an older man I don't give a tinker's twat Follow me to the boutique Wherein I will demand Don't tell me you're still listening to Post-Subsonic Bass? Don't tell me you believe the geeks in Mixmag and The Face? Surely you weren't serious about dressing in brown? Give me Marks & Spencer, Paul McCartney, Angler's Weekly NOW Confuse the minds of younger types By saying, with a grin "Darling dearest, don't you know?" "The Pissed Old Git look's in." When peering at a piercing It's fun to say "Oh no!" "How charmingly retro" So don't tell me you're still listening to Post-Subsonic Bass Don't tell me you believe the geeks in Mixmag and The Face Surely you weren't serious about dressing in brown? Give me Marks & Spencer, Paul McCartney, Angler's Weekly NOW My cardigan's my armour And my slippers are my steed Marmite is my armalite A catalogue my creed A club's a pub for cretins Where you don't have to converse God is not a DJ But this is as fun as church So don't tell me you're still listening to Post-Subsonic Bass Don't tell me you believe the geeks in Mixmag and The Face Surely you weren't serious about dressing in brown? Give me Marks & Spencer, Paul McCartney, Angler's Weekly NOW Give me David Bowie, BHS, 2000AD NOW Give me Star Trek, Penguins, HMV and Record Collector NOW And a Littlewood's platter A bag of sweets from Woolworths And a t-shirt without a cocking logo NOW
14.
You said when i walked out that door You could not continue to live But on further investigation It turns out that's a fib You said that you would shuffle off this mortal coil It hasn't happened yet And like a fool i went and believed Every stupid word you said Well, you will be hearing from my solicitor I'm gonna sue the sorry ass off you And when i'm through you won't be able to sit down You said that you would lay down and die Which you've manifestly failed to do You said that you would never love again But it seems that that's not true And i felt really guilty I need not have so done Cos worst of all, you're getting some again And i am getting none Well, you will be hearing from my solicitor I'm gonna sue the sorry ass off you And when i'm through you won't be able to sit down
15.
I never thought I'd live to see the age of twenty But you can see by the state of my stomach that I'm not dead I thought the world would end in Fire and Winter But if you look out the window you'll see it hasn't happened yet And everything's turning out all right, everything Everything's turning out all right - oh yeah Everything's turning out all right, everything Everything's turning out all right - oh yeah I thought that I would live my life alone and lonely But it turns out, nowadays, I probably won't I thought that I repelled all women instantly But evidence has been brought to light to show that I don't (at least not always) And everything's turning out all right, everything Everything's turning out all right - oh yeah Everything's turning out all right, everything Everything's turning out all right - oh yeah And you might say "Have you seen the news?" "It's all really bad" I'd reply - I've seen the news And yes, it makes me sad to know that People like you And people like me Have to live their lives unhappily But I can only speak for me And as far as I can see Everything's turning out all right, everything Everything's turning out all right - oh yeah Everything's turning out all right, everything Everything's turning out all right - oh yeah Now, some people say they see the world as if the glass is half empty Some people say they see the world as if the glass is half full Other people yet say that that's a redundant metaphor - Maybe the glass is half full 'cos that's all you're going to get? Or Maybe the glass is half empty 'cause you drank the rest And really liked it Yeah, anyway that's not the point I'm trying to make See, I'll base how I feel my feelings are upon the way I feel And not the way I feel I ought to feel Because it's not gonna make much difference to the world if you Pile all the panic of the planet upon your back And though I know the world's awash with woe and weeping, that's no reason For a frown when you know this FACT - Everything's turning out all right, everything Everything's turning out all right - oh yeah Everything's turning out all right, everything Everything's turning out all right - oh yeah Yeah yeah, yeah yeah
16.
Every magazine I happened to read In WHSmiths Seemed to scream at me "It's big and bold and it's new!" "And it's coming soon" "To a screen near you!" And in order to inflame us They showed a million trailers Packed with special effects I guess I ought to have guessed But I'd hoped it would be A romantic comedy Until a round-table discussion Late night On BBC2 Changed my point of view BBC2 And when it finally arrived It nearly lived up to the hype And what we got Was a mis-directed epic Packed with action Explosions and disasters Shame about the actors They were cast against type We stayed up all night You should have seen the queue It was on BBC2 A static picture of perfection Me and you On BBC2. And though I got over-excited at the time And bought the merchandise It didn't take me very long To realise That though it's very flash and fancy It'll never be a classic Now my tie-in t-shirt lies unwashed Unwanted At the bottom of the basket And I don't want to see scenes previously unseen Widescreen On the DVD And in a year or two On a Sunday afternoon You'll see it there On BBC2 It warrants two or three lines In the Radio Times Not even a photograph of you On BBC2
17.
When I buy a pint of milk on the way home from work I think "I bought that with the money I earnt" "Working all week long in a job I like" And it leads me to think about my whole life Like the friends I've got and the flat I have And the fact that I am acting like a full-grown man And the best thing about this Babylon I've built Is that I got it all out of a pint of milk And I guess That I am Easily Impressed Oh Yeah yeah yeah, yes YES Easily Impressed I like a posh cup of coffee with a plastic spout The ease of navigation of the London Underground A Remington Strimmer for a hairy nose The futuristic possibilities of Mobile Phones Email! Dinosaurs! Washing Machines! The trams of Sheffield! Vegetarian Cheese! It's a string of epiphanies every day That's my philosophy, although some might say (or suggest) That I am Easily Impressed Oh yeah yeah yeah, yes YES Easily Impressed (Oi! Hibbett!) How may I help you? (You don't really mean that) Well, I'm afraid I do, you see Given the chance to choose or pick Between despairing of life or taking delight in it I'll take the latter Because it makes me happy And surely that's what it's all about? The wonders of the world Be it mountains or taking a taxi Childbirth or real draught bitter in a can Love or microwaved popcorn Oh yeah yeah yeah, yes YES. I guess I'm Easily Impressed Oh yeah yeah yeah, yes YES Easily Impressed
18.
Like an Ornithocheirus When the weather's warmer And it calls him away to breed There's only one thing for us When we hear last orders And as one everybody leaves As he crosses the Atlantic We cross the main road When he reaches his beach We all know We'll go to one more nightclub we'll have one more dance We'll give it one more song Then we'll go We'll go to one last party Give it one last chance We'll have one last drink And go home Why do I do it? Every Saturday night I dash down to the corner shop Get out the same set of numbers As I did the first time If I don't I know they'll all come up You said "You could have saved three hundred quid I said "I know!" "I'll give it in next week" "Just give me one last go" I'll go to one more nightclub I'll have more last dance I'll give it one more song Then I'll go I'll go to one last party Give it one last chance I'll have one last drink And go home I see The Fall have got Another album out You bought it home on the very first day And now it sits beside The other twenty five Waiting for a second play But you'll labour on Since you're got all the rest Another Kurious Oranj Could be coming next You'll go to one more nightclub You'll have more last dance You'll give it one more song Then you'll go You'll go to one last party Give it one last chance You'll have one last drink And go home And when you finally decide To give the whole thing up You'll win ten quid on the Lottery On your front door step There's an enormous egg And Mark E Smith sings, melodiously That this is not the answer This is not the end Every indoor dancer Gets to try again We'll go to one more nightclub we'll have one more dance We'll give it one more song Then we'll go We'll go to one last party Give it one last chance We'll have one last drink And go home Home Go home Don't you want to go home, sweet home? This Is Not A Library

about

This took three years to make, not because we struggled to make it work, but because it was so hard to get everyone in the same room at the same time. When we did manage to get into the studio we ROCKETED through it - the IDEA this time was to create every sound ourselves, and NOT to cut corners with what those sounds would be. I've always had GRATE IDEAS about what a song should sound like, but have either been unable to make that sound myself, or when I've found people who COULD make them I've been so grateful to them for turning up I've felt unable to keep them there long enough to do so. This time, however, it all came right, and we had a LOT of fun doing so. Hopefully that comes across.

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released July 21, 2003

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MJ Hibbett & The Validators London, UK

MJ Hibbett & The Validators have performed live on Radio One, had a Record Of The Year in Rolling Stone, an Album Of The Day on 6Music, released one of the first ever viral videos, toured the UK and Europe, featured in an Edinburgh Fringe Festival show, and recorded a science fiction rock opera, all while maintaining their complete independence from outside record labels. ... more

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