Christmas Selection Box

by MJ Hibbett & The Validators

/
1.
Door One A Robin in a woodland scene Door Two A parcel with a bow Door Three A traditional Christmas Tree Door Four A pointless pile of snow Door Five It's a drunken mob of Carol Singers Door Six Appears to be a Christmas Sock It's the madness advent calenders bring us But here's one thing that it is not It's nothing like the Christmas that I know and like It's not like any Christmas I've had Don't bring me Advent Calenders of falsehood myth and LIES Bring me the Advent Calendar of FACT Door seven It's raining all day long Door eight Westlife at number one Door nine A child falls off a brand new bike Door ten A cat entangled in the Christmas Lights Door Eleven Someone saying "Let's play Triv!" Door Twelve Me not escaping to the pub It may not sound like it But this is something that I love This is the Christmas that I know and like This is all the Christmases I've had This is not a Calendar of falsehood myth or lies This is the Advent Calendar of FACT Thirteen Y-Fronts Fourteen Jumpers Fifteen Receipts kept just in case Sixteen Rude pants Seventeen "Massage" tools Eighteen The look on your Nan's face Being drunk at 9 am Seems like a Good Idea When combining your family With free wine, whisky, rum and beer And this is the Christmas that I know and like This is all the Christmases I've had This is not a Calendar of falsehood myth or lies This is the Advent Calendar of FACT Nineteen Half a jar of Cranberry Sauce Twenty A pile of washing up Twenty One Highlighter Pens in Radio Times Twenty Two A tape we'll never watch Twenty Three Burnt Brandy on a Christmas Pudding Nobody wants to eat Twenty Four Walnuts to watch the film with Then all falling fast asleep This is the Christmas that I know and like This is all the Christmases I've had This is not a Calendar of falsehood myth or lies This is the Advent Calendar of FACT Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
2.
There's an old boy hanging round outside the door Who wishes he could come inside the pub But the change he keeps counting in his hand Will never be enough Inside everybody's having fun And no-one sees the old boy standing there Then a bloke at the bar buys him a pint And says come on inside Have a drink with us, don't worry because There's no need to be there on your own If you're out of cash, we can fill your glass Have a drink with us, and have a laugh All the lonely people sat at home Wishing for the fun of younger days All they're waiting for's a knock at the door And someone who will say Have a drink with us, don't worry because There's no need to be there on your own If you're out of cash, we can fill your glass Have a drink with us, and have a laugh Drink doch eine met, stell dich nit esu ahn Du steihs he die janze Zick eröm Häs de och kei Jeld, dat es janz ejal Drink doch met un kümmer dich nit dröm
3.
Give us a kiss for Christmas Give us a kiss for Christmas I don't want a card this year and I don't want a present All I want's a kiss from you, cos that will last for ever Give us a kiss for Christmas Give us a kiss for Christmas Well if Santa tied you in a bow and left you neath the mistletoe Would I love you more in the snow? I don't know, so Give us a kiss for Christmas Give us a kiss for Christmas CHRISTMAS! Give us a kiss for Christmas Give us a kiss for Christmas Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
4.
5.
The Christmas Market's German And the Swedish grew the tree The beer is Belgian and so are the sprouts The Reindeer are from Finland and The Port is Portugese We've got Cava when the French Champagne runs out Christmas is a time to both be happy and be sad But this year is sadder than before This is our last Christmas in the European Union And like the passports I am blue Our final chance to say Vesele Vanoce Last yule in the EU (Next year) Our Christmas dinner's British food We grew all on our own A parsnip and a pile of canned potatoes The tinsel has caught fire And the fairy lights have blown Because they're now unregulated And the crackers are all empty though it said upon the box There'd be massive prizes, there is just a joke This is our last Christmas in the European Union And like the passports I am blue Our final chance to say Vesele Vanoce Last yule in the EU Santa we're writing to you With one request Please use your festive powers To sort out this mess Santa I believe in you Unlike that red bus you are true Give us another Christmas in the European Union Like the passports we are blue We want another chance to say Vesele Vanoce Another yule in the EU Give us every Christmas in the European Union Don't make us leave to please the toffs in blue All we want to say Is Vesele Vanoce Let's us stay in the EU this Christmas Let's stay in the EU
6.
Let's have an easy Christmas This year, just you and me Let's have an easy Christmas We'll get a plastic tree We'll have a TV dinner And just one present each We're gonna have an easy Christmas this year We won't see anybody Except maybe on Skype We won't do decorations Except maybe some lights We'll won't send Christmas cards except To people that we like We're gonna have an easy Christmas this year All right, we will have some bread sauce And put a wreath on the front door Two types of spuds, and then of course We'll listen To Bob Dylan It must be Santa! We won't start Christmas shopping Until November 5th We'll wait til 6am Before we open any gifts And then by half past nine We will all be completely pissed We're gonna have an easy Christmas this year Let's have an easy Christmas With just the twelve of us Let's have an easy Christmas With hardly any fuss The sound of Santa's Sleigh bells Makes me relaxed because We're gonna have an easy Christmas this year We're gonna have an easy Christmas this year We're gonna have an easy Christmas this year
7.
Here comes the Christmas Robot Crashing through the trees Here comes the Christmas Robot Shooting lazer beams He is ever so festive So silvery and tall Will holly sprinkled on his guns Which will destroy us all Here comes the Christmas Robot Destroying the town Until the Christmas Robot Hears a distant sound He pauses in his mayhem To listen to the roar Then over the horizon sees The Christmas Dinosaur "Are you the Christmas Robot?" The Dinosaur enquires "Yes", says the Christmas Robot Setting a house on fire "In that case I've good news for you I've brought a Christmas gift Which I'll deliver to your face It is a Christmas fist" And so the Christmas Dinosaur Launches her attack Upon the Christmas Robot Who swiftly battles back The sparks that fly and explosions Light up the Holy Night Like a Fireworks Display In which everyone dies But then a Christmas orphan Who has somehow survived Uses a Christmas disco deck And says, all amplified "You have obliterated Everyone I ever knew But as it is Christmas I forgive both of you" And then the Christmas violence Comes to a sudden end "Hey", says the Christmas Robot "Why don't we be friends?" The Christmas Dinosuar agrees And the two giants hug Then eat the Christmas Orphan In a great big Christmas pud Here comes The Christmas Robot Spreading Christmas joy Here comes The Christmas Dinosaur For all the girls and boys They put aside their differences For the sake of Christmas Day To wish a merry Christmas And wipe out the human race
8.
9.
Oh thank goodness for Christmas Well done Mary and the Holy Ghost It's extremely convenient That you had baby Jesus When we needed a party the most Oh thank goodness for Christmas Without it we'd all get S.A.D. It's so dark, dank and wet From November to Feb Fairy lights give off Vitamin D Oh thank goodness for Christmas Christmas dong ding dong ding dong Oh thank goodness for Christmas It's saving the economy Think of all those employed Making mince pies and toys And the huge Beano Book industry Oh thank goodness for Christmas We can clear out the drinks cabinet Booze bought on holiday All goes down the same way As the fancy brandy your Auntie sent Oh thank goodness for Christmas Christmas dong ding dong ding dong Oh thank goodness for Christmas A showcase for the BBC We'll get new Doctor Who Strictly Come Dancing too, Morecambe And Wise from the seventies Oh thank goodness for Christmas Keeping the fitness business afloat If we didn't all eat Chocolate and cake all week In Jan all of the gyms would be closed Crackers and Christmas trees Would go to waste If Christmas disappeared What would we do on Boxing day? Oh thank goodness for Christmas Every year I get to write a song You might like it or not But at least you have got To admit that it's never that long Oh thank goodness for Christmas Christmas dong ding dong ding dong Oh thank goodness for Christmas Christmas dong ding dong ding dong Oh thank goodness for Christmas Christmas dong ding dong ding dong
10.
11.
12.
The first time i saw it i couldn't believe how awful it was Someone in the flats had a five foot Santa, flashing on their door and I thought Jeez Louise, isn't Trick Or Treat American import enough? And I must admit that the sight of it would flipping wind me up Every morning on the way to work, inside my mind I'd murmur The West Wing, Elvis, Spider-man - this far but mate, not further You're not part of my culure, and you're not part of my Christmas My nemesis - the Flashing Santa Twelve months later he was back and this time he seemed to say "Hey buddy! Chris Christingle here - happy holidays!" "And look I've bought some buddies" and sure enough he had Waving from a Christmas Steam engine, on the next door flat There was Rudolph, snowmen, and the baby Jesus being adored by a donkey And Santa even seemed to wink at me when a bulb in one eye went wonky I said look, you're not part of my culture, and you're not part of my Christmas You're my nemesis - the Flashing Santa By the second week the entire street had gone illumination mad Like a flashing flourescent contagion, spread from a single flat People came from miles around, and outside our's they'd ask I wonder why this is the only house that's decided to stay dark? So I grappled with my conscience and by the start of advent next I'd been down to Argos for a sign saying "Happy Xmas" with a pulsing X He may not be part of my culture, but he's now part of my Christmas He's our old chum - the Flashing Santa But this year something isn't right - Santa has gone missing The old guy in the flat has left and he's taken Santa with him I've scoured the shops for a replacement, but he must have come from Woolworths There's nothing like him anywhere, I thought until I looked On ebay, where I paid above the odds for one that's broken - It said a bulb had gone long long ago, and one of his eyes won't open And now he's back. On my front door, and he's making Christmas happen Our cultured friend - the Flashing Santa
13.
14.
15.
Oh look - Roy Wood Is standing at the Bar Of The Blue Note club in Derby In the 1990s When we rolled up to dance All he want's a pint And a few words with his mates But he knows as sure as Santa's sleigh is coming round That someone's bound to say Oi! Roy! Do you wish that it Could be Christmas every day? Do you really want a daily dose of children singing When the band begins to play? If the snow never ends Will it put a smile upon your face? Won't you tell me do you really wish it could be Christmas every single day But Roy, he's aloof He's heard all this before Every time he wants a drink after the pubs have shut Since 1974 It's a Midlands Rite Of passage into adulthood Going down the Blue Note on a weekday night So that you you can shout at Roy Wood. Oi! Roy! Do you wish that it Could be Christmas every day? Do you really want a daily dose of children singing When the band begins to play? If the snow never ends Will it put a smile upon your face? Won't you tell me do you really wish it could be Christmas every single day Logistically it's problematic - When you gonna find the time to do your wrapping? The only place that's open is the corner shop The constant flow of stuffing means the the toilet's blocked The economy's shrinking as our jumpers get tighter The only people working are the Queen's speech writers Everybody's sleeping in their Mum's spare room I really don't think you can have thought this through Have you Roy? But there's one day When the drunken comments cease All the idiots are bothering their families And Roy Wood is at peace Oh glorious day! December 25th As Roy raises a silent pint up to his lips You'll hear him whisper this: Oh yes. he says I wish that it Could be Christmas every day When the bells stop ringing and the kids stop singing And Santa's gone away I'll have my beer And the only sound you'll hear Is me telling you I really wish it could be Christmas every single day Leave me alone for Christmas
16.
Silent Night 03:22
17.
I went to do my shopping but i didn't take a list I know that in your stocking you'll be wanting some of this For Christmas I got you want you want for Christmas I used a bit of effort and an awful lot of love To make sure that I got you something really really good For Christmas I got you want you want for Christmas It's not something for sharing or for anyone else to use It's something really lovely that's exactly right for you For Christmas I got you want you want for Christmas Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
18.
All the cards have been written, addressed and dispatched On the 29th Day of December All the lists have been ticked off and presents unwrapped On the 29th Day of December All our worries are over for eleven months So at last we can do what we actually want Goodwill, peace on earth, when you're not back at work On the 29th Day of December Let's all talk about walking, then stay in instead On the 29th Day of December There's a pile of books that'll need to get read On the 29th Day of December The Freeview box is full of Christmas TV But let's watch two series of US DVDs Fetch that whisky gift set that we've not started yet On the 29th Day of December Is it me or does the world smell vaguely of beer? On the 29th Day of December I'm off back to bed for the rest of the year On the 29th Day of December As the frantic festivities come to an end I can't wait to start planning the whole thing again The spirit of Christmas is finally here On the 29th Day of December On the 29th Day of December Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
19.

about

A compilation of ALL our Christmas Songs, available to download exclusively from bandcamp.

Visit our webpage at www.mjhibbett.com/christmas for lyrics, notes and ESPECIALLY for videos!

credits

released December 13, 2010

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

MJ Hibbett & The Validators London, UK

MJ Hibbett & The Validators have performed live on Radio One, had a Record Of The Year in Rolling Stone, an Album Of The Day on 6Music, released one of the first ever viral videos, toured the UK and Europe, featured in an Edinburgh Fringe Festival show, and recorded a science fiction rock opera, all while maintaining their complete independence from outside record labels. ... more

contact / help

Contact MJ Hibbett & The Validators

Streaming and
Download help

Redeem code

Report this album or account

MJ Hibbett & The Validators recommends:

If you like MJ Hibbett & The Validators, you may also like: