The Unearthly Beauty Of

by MJ Hibbett

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    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Bad Back (Osteopaths Of Glory Mix) (single), The Unearthly Beauty Of, The Swingin' Sound Of Sixties Marvel, Goodbye To Great Britain (single), I Don't Have To Worry About That (EP), A Museum Of One Thing (single), People Are All Right (EP), You're A Tory Now (single), and 21 more. , and , .

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1.
Why do bad things happen to good people? And does anybody even care? I left some tissue in my trousers Now my laundry's all got dandruff And that was everything I had to wear Why do bad things happen to good people? I guess that life just isn't fair I went shopping and forgot My bag for life so I had to buy another one Now I've got a pair And that just can't be right When I've only got one life And I've wasted so much time Trying to get served in shoe shops And although she seems quite nice I'd rather not spend all night Talking telephone tariffs with a lady Who may be a robot Why do bad things happen to good people? And yes I know that worse things happen at sea But how can I take any pleasure From such naval misadventures Just because they are not happening to me? It feels mean Schaudenfraude by sea Why do bad things happen to good people? Specifically me
2.
Agile 01:19
There's a word on everybody's lips It's Agile All the fun and funky kids Use Agile Cos when we muck the whole thing up We can call it Minimum Viable Product If you don't like it - tough luck It's Agile We'll fake User Acceptance Tests With Agile Promise lots, deliver less With Agile No need to plan, no need to think We'll fix it in a two week sprint It won't work but it will be quick With Agile We're talking shite but we don't care With Agile Because we have our meetings without chairs With Agile The Project Team say that'll do We'll not be here for BAU Let's raise a ticket to screw you With Agile Endemic in Society Is Agile No need to do things properly With Agile Just swank about with confidence Leave others to clean up your mess In case you haven't guessed it yet That's Agile And it's bollocks
3.
To all my middle-aged pre-Monday moaners Sitting on Facebook demanding "Where are all the Protest Singers?" Mate Where have you looked? You won't find them on Jools You won't see them on Magic Or performing on reunion tours of C86 They're out playing places You and I don't want to go Talking in a language That they don't want us to know And that's OK It's always been this way We all have to learn It's someone else's turn It's someone else's turn Here's an inconvenient truth The toilet venues of our youth Are more use to us Now they are gastrobpubs Every scene must finish The torch is never passed They are all Luke Skywalker And we've become their dad And that's all fine To everything a time What we built must burn It's someone else's turn It's someone else's turn Do you remember being young And hating old gits? We couldn't stand their boring songs We wanted our own music We danced at our discos Not at theirs And when their clubs closed down We didn't care But that's OK They were in our way They had to learn It's someone else's turn And now today The turntables have changed As far as we're concerned It's someone else's turn It's someone else's turn
4.
It's hard to be hopeful Very hard indeed When stupidity keeps winning And love loses to greed When a faith in human nature Starts to feel at best naive It's hard to be hopeful It's very hard indeed It's easy to be cynical It's tempting to give up When the worst thing keeps on happening The best thing never does When optimism's always wrong Dismiss it with a shrug It's easy to be cynical It's tempting to give up Normally this is the point At which I'd say Come on everybody Everything will be OK But I must admit that I'm Not feeing it today The only thing to do Is stop watching the news Cos every time I turn it on There's some arsehole who says They've talked to normal people And the normal people said Whatever vile hateful spite The arsehole has just said So why don't I just switch off my television set And go out and do Something less boring instead? Let's read a book Let's ride a bike Let's go on an open top bus tour and see the sights I've kept up with politics for my whole life And all that it's achieved Is to make me believe That it's hard to be hopeful Very hard indeed With the waterfall of awful That pours out of my TV But turning off the tap sometimes Might give us space to breath It's hard to be bopeful Very hard indeed
5.
Fire Drill 01:36
Fire drill There are too many How many are real fires? Not any If there was a real fire we'd get killed Because we'd all assume it was another bloody drill And it's a fire drill In all my life I must have done a fire drill a thousand times In every single one of them the biggest joke is The only fire you see is someone having a smoke In a fire drill It's cold outside The gilet wearing wardens are all wrapped up tight I challenge their authority - I decline To join my whole department in a single file line In a fire drill Fire drill It's a scam To reinforce obedience to The Man We are Pavlov's Personnel Trained to use the stairs whenever we hear a bell In a fire drill Before I go I'll finish what I'm doing and collect my coat It isn't an emergency, I'm taking the lift The fire safety officer is taking the mick In a fire drill Fire drill There are too many How many are real fires? Not any If there was a real fire we'd get killed Because we'd all assume it was another bloody drill And it's a fire drill
6.
I looked out of my window and saw a bag of shite That wasn't there last night I said hey shitebag are you looking at me? It said no I'm just In a tree Just being me Hung in a tree Oh bag of shite you are so luminous and blue Left hanging there when someone's dog did a poo Too high to reach Too ripe to leave A bag of shite in a tree Full of good intentions with which such things begin Someone scooped you up and then looked for a bin I can't imagine how their plans went all awry Were they called away? Or did they die? Did a bigger shite fall from the sky? Oh bag of shite you are a mystery sack of turd Your secret origin is one no-one's heard Too high to reach Too ripe to leave A bag of shite in a tree But what is this? The blue bag's nemesis Approaching the scene Dressed all in bright green He's got one of them grabbers A bit like a claw With which he prods the bag of shite So it falls to the floor With a dexterous wrist And a flamboyant flick He swoops the bag of shite Into his regulation refuse sack And as the van drove off I thought I heard you cry Hear me now, oh Mortal Man - all that lives must die And though my time on earth was short and mostly full of poo The same could very well be said of all of you The same is true For all of you Oh bag of shite, you didn't half give off a stink But while you hung next door you gave me pause to think Too high to reach Too ripe to leave A bag of shite in a tree
7.
When I'm entering a shop There they are When I'm leaving There are even more Disembarking a train Boarding a plane People who stand in the door It's the fact that they Don't seem to care That they're not the only people Who are there A bunch of gateway solipsists Who think that no-one else exists People who stand in the door It's not like they've got an excuse It's not a technology that is new Since man emerged from the caves We've been cursed with a plague Of people who stand in the door People who stand in the door At least those who stop At the bottom or the top Of the escalator Might be let off if they're Cornish And they've never ever seen one before Because they only used to have one Escalator Though nowadays they've got a few more Whereas everywhere you go From Penzance to Truro There's about a million billion bloody doors So let people who stand in the door Consider themselves duly warned Next time my way is blocked On public transport or a shop I will not keep my counsel anymore With people who stand in the door I will pointedly point out that it's a door And if that hint is blithely ignored I will very clearly say You're standing in the way To people who stand in the door People who stand in the door People who stand in the door People who stand in the door are the worst People who stand in the door
8.
Your frequent flights of fancy Are I'm sure a great delight In the cafes and the salons you frequent But I could live without the story Of your cousin's neighbour's cat In a meeting about stationary procurement Professionally, politely Might I ask you to stop talking Please respect the meeting etiquette Whatever race or class or gender Can we all kindly remember To stick to the Agenda Yes computers can be difficult But maybe google it Before regaling the Estates Team with your passwords And I'm sure that it was tasty But the cake you baked last Wednesday Does not need to be minuted by the clerk Now you've raised a valid issue Which we already discussed Back when you were monologuing about babies The chances of success are slender But I'll still ask you to remember To stick to the agenda And now you're telling us You're busy with so many meetings And that they all seem to go on forever If I could get a word in Then I might dare to suggest They'd be shorter if you stuck to the agenda The Agenda The Agenda They'd be shorter if you stuck to the agenda The Agenda The Agenda Please will you stick to the agenda This is not your Netflix Special Nor your new one person show If it was then it would only last an hour I've a feeling I'll be leaving This interminable meeting Only when my mind or laptop's drained of power Professionally, politely Might I ask you to stop talking Please respect the meeting etiquette Whatever race or class or gender Can we all kindly remember To stick to the Agenda The Agenda The Agenda Please please stick to the Agenda The Agenda The Agenda Please will you stick to the agenda Please please stick to the agenda
9.
1980s Peterborough Was not the sort of place Where you expected psychedelic shops To drop from outer space In a haze of paisley patterns That John Lewis couldn't know Playing records that you'd never hear On Hereward radio Arriving like a mission Sent to summon the New Age Came a wizard, his wife and his brother-in-law They were Pete and Jayne and Dave The House On The Borderland Was this nirvana's name After the House On The Borderland Nothing would be the same Selling various ephemera Of a counter-cultural kind The House On The Borderland Blew my tiny mind Me and Pradeep, Sanjiv, Steve and Mileage In groups of twos and threes Would make the lunchtime pilgrimage Down to Gladstone street To a strangely smelling wonderland Where Pete purveyed a wealth Of American comics three months before They reached newsagents shelves There were fanzines that revealed to me New ways to read the world Also Love and Rockets, Watchmen Nexus and Dark Knight Returns At the House On The Borderland My pocket money flew To the House On The Borderland My dinner money too From outside it might seem dingy But it shone a rainbow light From the House on the Borderland Into another life Beyond a job at Pearl Assurance Or career at Thomas Cook From the ideas that we found there New horizons opened up When I was working on my PhD Concerning Doctor Doom The texts I analysed remind me Of that ill-lit room The shop shut down ten years ago Pete passed away Peterborough has craft beer bars now And a vegan café Marks and Sparks sell tie-dyed t-shirts Alan Moore is on TV Superhero stories belong to the world now Not just me No-one needs to walk a mile To a special kind of shop To hear a view that's different Or to smell a smell that's odd But the House on the Borderland Is open in my heart Because the House on the Borderland Is where all this stuff starts Between the fens and the future Between conformity and not The House on the Borderland Was more than just a shop
10.
Vampires, earthquakes, meteorites The rise of the machines Werewolves, rapture, nanotech They don't bother me Global warming, solar flares I've read it all before I've kept my DVD boxsets Behind the shelter door Cos I've read comics And I've watched telly Come the apocalypse I'll be ready I'll know exactly what to do Which does not include saving you If there's a zombie outbreak Or if evil aliens land I'll be fine cos I've stocked up On water and bullets and cans And when you beg for help I'll say Didn't you used to teach On a mandatory all-day course That began with "a little bit about me"? And I bet you voted UKIP I bet you voted leave I bet you think The Beatles Are not as good as Queen Well I've read comics And I've watched telly Come the apocalypse I'll be ready I'll know exactly what to do Which does not include saving you When it isn't Easter I bet you buy hot cross buns You sent X Factor to Christmas Number one You leave reciepts in the cash machine On a crowded train you give your bag a seat You don't send Christmas cards or give to charity You have opinions about lossless mp3s I've read comics And I've watched telly Come the apocalypse I'll be ready I'll know exactly what to do Which does not include saving you I'm prepared for anything Except, maybe, what if It's you who's actually all right And it's me who is the git? I've read comics And I've watched telly Come the apocalypse I'll be ready I'll know exactly what to do Which does not include saving you
11.
Bad Back 01:52
I am unwell and truculent Because I've got a bad back I never knew what trouble meant Until I had a bad back I have tried gel and ibubrofen I'd go through hell and back again Before I'd have a bad back A bad back It really hurts, it hurts a lot A bad back A bad back You should be grateful if you haven't got A bad back, a bad back You've got exams and you forgot to revise But you haven't got a bad back You can't find love however hard you try But you haven't got a bad back You're late for work because your gerbil died You've been impeached because you lied But you haven't got a bad back A bad back I wish I hadn't tried to reach that shelf A bad back A bad back It's harmed my well-being and mental health A bad back, a bad back Bring me my yoga mat Swivel my hips Who cares if I look daft It can't be worse than this A bad back A bad back, a really bad back One day I'll wake up and rise with ease I'll no longer have a bad back Like a lion, running free When I haven't got a bad back You won't mistake me for an OAP When I remember when to bend from the knee When I haven't got a bad back A bad back It really hurts, it hurts a lot A bad back A bad back You should be grateful if you haven't got A bad back, a bad back
12.
I've got a friend called Kenny He's a really lovely chap But his older brother Alan is A bit of a prat So when I heard he was engaged I knew that I'd be asked By Kenny, the Best Man, to help Make up numbers for the stag And so we met in Alan's local Roughly half his mates, half Ken's And agreed on beers and curry On the same night as the Hens And just as we were toasting Our decision we were joined By some bloke that Alan knew from work Who shouted "Hello boys!" He was the kind of total wanker Who acts like he owns the pub And never gets his round in and His name was Nigel Grubbe Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Do Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Do Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Do He asked what we were doing So we told him of our plans And he said "That's far too boring for Al's last night as a free man!" We said we'd got it sorted but He laughed a red-faced laugh And said "This'll never do Lads! For Al it must be Prague!" We'll drink until we're senseless We'll party through the night! Just leave it all to me lads I can sort us out cheap flights! I know the city well", he said "I've even got a mate Who runs a little hotel This is going to be great!" Next morning I'd forgotten What we'd talked of in the pub Until I got an email and That came from Nigel Grubbe Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Do Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Do Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Do He said he'd got great news for us The Stag Do was arranged! The hotel and the flight were booked We leave in seven days The price was very slightly more Than he had estimated But as we had all been so keen He'd gone ahead and paid it He would be very grateful if We'd pay the full amount By close of play this evening Into Nigel's bank account I did not want to go and it Looked expensive to me But apparently we'd voted By a huge majority I couldn't let the side down And who knows, maybe it would Turn out to be fun after all Thanks to Nigel Grubbe Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Do Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Do Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Do It was not fun It was bloody awful The flight took nineteen hours We had to change in Warsaw Our hotel turned out to be A backpackers' hostel Located five miles out of town Next door to a brothel We saw a lot of lovely bars Which we did not go into We spent half the night queuing For an eighties retro disco The other punters were all gits The music was all shite We paid seven Euros each For a can of Red Stripe When Nigel suggested a strip club I said I'll just head back Nigel went ballistic And said I was ruining the Stag And so he made us all sing "Stag" Stag Stag Stag Stag He made us all sing "Stag" Stag Stag Stag Stag Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Do Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Do Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Do It was only one month later When we met at the reception That the bride informed us Nigel Had never even had an invitation And she'd got her calculator out While Alan was away And worked out that we'd all put in Much more than Nigel paid And she'd spoken to all the stags and found That all of us had been worried That we'd seem like spoilsports if we'd said We'd rather have a curry Still, at least we stags had bonded And the Best Man's speech was funny And at least we'd only lost a weekend And, well, a lot of money And at least we hadn't gone along With the whole country getting stuffed By a lying greasy bastard With a name like Nigel Grubbe Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Do Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Do Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Do
13.
Lying here, hungover Last night to be raked over A self-assessment of the cruellest kind Analysis intensive Examination forensic But nothing truly awful comes to mind Oh let my hopes be bouyant I wasn't too annoying And I think I did OK I think I didn't say Too much that was too rude Or could be misconstrued In the cold hard light of day I think I did OK Those bon mots what I dropped Did they go badly wrong? Were people dead offended Are there fences That need mending? Did I come across as sarcastic? Were my hugs over-enthusiastic? Did I swear too much Or not enough? No I'm sure I was insightful I am always delightful And I think I did OK I think I didn't say Too much that was too rude Or could be misconstrued In the cold hard light of day I think I did OK Were my witticisms Taken as criticims? Did my breath stink? Do I owe someone a drink? Did that woman think I was staring? What on earth did I think I was wearing? Somehow I can't help thinking I used to be a lot better at drinking I never was Sod this for a game of soldiers I'm not a teenager, I'm very slightly older And I think I did OK I think I didn't say Too much that was too rude Or could be misconstrued In the cold hard light of day I think I did OK I think I did OK I think I didn't say Too much that was too rude Or could be misconstrued In the cold hard light of day I think I did OK I am always delightful
14.
If you can't be bothered to learn an instrument At least learn the lines If you can't be bothered to learn the lines At least make it rhyme If you can't be bothered to make it rhyme At least make it scan If you can't be bothered to make it follow roughly the same scanning system throughout At least make the subject matter interesting If you can't make it interesting Keep it short
15.
I Like You 01:26
A dracula in Waitrose Or a dinosaur in Marks A spaceship full of Frankensteins Landing in the car park None of these are as much of a surprise As seeing you each evening On the sofa by my side Getting struck by lightning Putting a hole in one All our numbers coming up Kanye covering this song These things are all unlikely but they seem More probable than someone like you Ending up with me I'd write a thank you in the sky But I don't have a plane I'd run stark naked down the Mall Except it looks like rain I'd write an opera but that takes too long So instead I will get up and then put the kettle on Saying it sounds soppy, but it's true I'm guess that what I'm trying to say is I like you

about

My first solo album for eleven years, and first album of any kind for six - the fact that it's just me meant that I could call it whatever I wanted, so I did!

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released October 11, 2022

Fourteen songs about bad backs, fire drills, blue bags and the correct use of project management methodologies. Recorded entirely at home, so nobody else is to blame for any of it!

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MJ Hibbett & The Validators London, UK

MJ Hibbett & The Validators have performed live on Radio One, had a Record Of The Year in Rolling Stone, an Album Of The Day on 6Music, released one of the first ever viral videos, toured the UK and Europe, featured in an Edinburgh Fringe Festival show, and recorded a science fiction rock opera, all while maintaining their complete independence from outside record labels. ... more

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