Get all 29 MJ Hibbett & The Validators releases available on Bandcamp and save 50%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Bad Back (Osteopaths Of Glory Mix) (single), The Unearthly Beauty Of, The Swingin' Sound Of Sixties Marvel, Goodbye To Great Britain (single), I Don't Have To Worry About That (EP), A Museum Of One Thing (single), People Are All Right (EP), You're A Tory Now (single), and 21 more.
1. |
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Why do bad things happen to good people?
And does anybody even care?
I left some tissue in my trousers
Now my laundry's all got dandruff
And that was everything I had to wear
Why do bad things happen to good people?
I guess that life just isn't fair
I went shopping and forgot
My bag for life so I had to buy another one
Now I've got a pair
And that just can't be right
When I've only got one life
And I've wasted so much time
Trying to get served in shoe shops
And although she seems quite nice
I'd rather not spend all night
Talking telephone tariffs with a lady
Who may be a robot
Why do bad things happen to good people?
And yes I know that worse things happen at sea
But how can I take any pleasure
From such naval misadventures
Just because they are not happening to me?
It feels mean
Schaudenfraude by sea
Why do bad things happen to good people?
Specifically me
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2. |
Agile
01:19
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There's a word on everybody's lips
It's Agile
All the fun and funky kids
Use Agile
Cos when we muck the whole thing up
We can call it Minimum Viable Product
If you don't like it - tough luck
It's Agile
We'll fake User Acceptance Tests
With Agile
Promise lots, deliver less
With Agile
No need to plan, no need to think
We'll fix it in a two week sprint
It won't work but it will be quick
With Agile
We're talking shite but we don't care
With Agile
Because we have our meetings without chairs
With Agile
The Project Team say that'll do
We'll not be here for BAU
Let's raise a ticket to screw you
With Agile
Endemic in Society
Is Agile
No need to do things properly
With Agile
Just swank about with confidence
Leave others to clean up your mess
In case you haven't guessed it yet
That's Agile
And it's bollocks
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3. |
Someone Else's Turn
02:37
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To all my middle-aged pre-Monday moaners
Sitting on Facebook demanding
"Where are all the Protest Singers?"
Mate
Where have you looked?
You won't find them on Jools
You won't see them on Magic
Or performing on reunion tours of
C86
They're out playing places
You and I don't want to go
Talking in a language
That they don't want us to know
And that's OK
It's always been this way
We all have to learn
It's someone else's turn
It's someone else's turn
Here's an inconvenient truth
The toilet venues of our youth
Are more use to us
Now they are gastrobpubs
Every scene must finish
The torch is never passed
They are all Luke Skywalker
And we've become their dad
And that's all fine
To everything a time
What we built must burn
It's someone else's turn
It's someone else's turn
Do you remember being young
And hating old gits?
We couldn't stand their boring songs
We wanted our own music
We danced at our discos
Not at theirs
And when their clubs closed down
We didn't care
But that's OK
They were in our way
They had to learn
It's someone else's turn
And now today
The turntables have changed
As far as we're concerned
It's someone else's turn
It's someone else's turn
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4. |
It's Hard To Be Hopeful
02:12
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It's hard to be hopeful
Very hard indeed
When stupidity keeps winning
And love loses to greed
When a faith in human nature
Starts to feel at best naive
It's hard to be hopeful
It's very hard indeed
It's easy to be cynical
It's tempting to give up
When the worst thing keeps on happening
The best thing never does
When optimism's always wrong
Dismiss it with a shrug
It's easy to be cynical
It's tempting to give up
Normally this is the point
At which I'd say
Come on everybody
Everything will be OK
But I must admit that I'm
Not feeing it today
The only thing to do
Is stop watching the news
Cos every time I turn it on
There's some arsehole who says
They've talked to normal people
And the normal people said
Whatever vile hateful spite
The arsehole has just said
So why don't I just switch off my television set
And go out and do
Something less boring instead?
Let's read a book
Let's ride a bike
Let's go on an open top bus tour and see the sights
I've kept up with politics for my whole life
And all that it's achieved
Is to make me believe
That it's hard to be hopeful
Very hard indeed
With the waterfall of awful
That pours out of my TV
But turning off the tap sometimes
Might give us space to breath
It's hard to be bopeful
Very hard indeed
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5. |
Fire Drill
01:36
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Fire drill
There are too many
How many are real fires? Not any
If there was a real fire we'd get killed
Because we'd all assume it was another bloody drill
And it's a fire drill
In all my life
I must have done a fire drill a thousand times
In every single one of them the biggest joke is
The only fire you see is someone having a smoke
In a fire drill
It's cold outside
The gilet wearing wardens are all wrapped up tight
I challenge their authority - I decline
To join my whole department in a single file line
In a fire drill
Fire drill
It's a scam
To reinforce obedience to The Man
We are Pavlov's Personnel
Trained to use the stairs whenever we hear a bell
In a fire drill
Before I go
I'll finish what I'm doing and collect my coat
It isn't an emergency, I'm taking the lift
The fire safety officer is taking the mick
In a fire drill
Fire drill
There are too many
How many are real fires? Not any
If there was a real fire we'd get killed
Because we'd all assume it was another bloody drill
And it's a fire drill
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6. |
Ode On A Blue Bag
02:58
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I looked out of my window and saw a bag of shite
That wasn't there last night
I said hey shitebag are you looking at me?
It said no I'm just
In a tree
Just being me
Hung in a tree
Oh bag of shite you are so luminous and blue
Left hanging there when someone's dog did a poo
Too high to reach
Too ripe to leave
A bag of shite in a tree
Full of good intentions with which such things begin
Someone scooped you up and then looked for a bin
I can't imagine how their plans went all awry
Were they called away?
Or did they die?
Did a bigger shite fall from the sky?
Oh bag of shite you are a mystery sack of turd
Your secret origin is one no-one's heard
Too high to reach
Too ripe to leave
A bag of shite in a tree
But what is this?
The blue bag's nemesis
Approaching the scene
Dressed all in bright green
He's got one of them grabbers
A bit like a claw
With which he prods the bag of shite
So it falls to the floor
With a dexterous wrist
And a flamboyant flick
He swoops the bag of shite
Into his regulation refuse sack
And as the van drove off I thought I heard you cry
Hear me now, oh Mortal Man - all that lives must die
And though my time on earth was short and mostly full of poo
The same could very well be said of all of you
The same is true
For all of you
Oh bag of shite, you didn't half give off a stink
But while you hung next door you gave me pause to think
Too high to reach
Too ripe to leave
A bag of shite in a tree
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7. |
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When I'm entering a shop
There they are
When I'm leaving
There are even more
Disembarking a train
Boarding a plane
People who stand in the door
It's the fact that they
Don't seem to care
That they're not the only people
Who are there
A bunch of gateway solipsists
Who think that no-one else exists
People who stand in the door
It's not like they've got an excuse
It's not a technology that is new
Since man emerged from the caves
We've been cursed with a plague
Of people who stand in the door
People who stand in the door
At least those who stop
At the bottom or the top
Of the escalator
Might be let off if they're Cornish
And they've never ever seen one before
Because they only used to have one
Escalator
Though nowadays they've got a few more
Whereas everywhere you go
From Penzance to Truro
There's about a million billion bloody doors
So let people who stand in the door
Consider themselves duly warned
Next time my way is blocked
On public transport or a shop
I will not keep my counsel anymore
With people who stand in the door
I will pointedly point out that it's a door
And if that hint is blithely ignored
I will very clearly say
You're standing in the way
To people who stand in the door
People who stand in the door
People who stand in the door
People who stand in the door are the worst
People who stand in the door
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8. |
Stick To The Agenda
03:30
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Your frequent flights of fancy
Are I'm sure a great delight
In the cafes and the salons you frequent
But I could live without the story
Of your cousin's neighbour's cat
In a meeting about stationary procurement
Professionally, politely
Might I ask you to stop talking
Please respect the meeting etiquette
Whatever race or class or gender
Can we all kindly remember
To stick to the Agenda
Yes computers can be difficult
But maybe google it
Before regaling the Estates Team with your passwords
And I'm sure that it was tasty
But the cake you baked last Wednesday
Does not need to be minuted by the clerk
Now you've raised a valid issue
Which we already discussed
Back when you were monologuing about babies
The chances of success are slender
But I'll still ask you to remember
To stick to the agenda
And now you're telling us
You're busy with so many meetings
And that they all seem to go on forever
If I could get a word in
Then I might dare to suggest
They'd be shorter if you stuck to the agenda
The Agenda
The Agenda
They'd be shorter if you stuck to the agenda
The Agenda
The Agenda
Please will you stick to the agenda
This is not your Netflix Special
Nor your new one person show
If it was then it would only last an hour
I've a feeling I'll be leaving
This interminable meeting
Only when my mind or laptop's drained of power
Professionally, politely
Might I ask you to stop talking
Please respect the meeting etiquette
Whatever race or class or gender
Can we all kindly remember
To stick to the Agenda
The Agenda
The Agenda
Please please stick to the Agenda
The Agenda
The Agenda
Please will you stick to the agenda
Please please stick to the agenda
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9. |
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1980s Peterborough
Was not the sort of place
Where you expected psychedelic shops
To drop from outer space
In a haze of paisley patterns
That John Lewis couldn't know
Playing records that you'd never hear
On Hereward radio
Arriving like a mission
Sent to summon the New Age
Came a wizard, his wife and his brother-in-law
They were Pete and Jayne and Dave
The House On The Borderland
Was this nirvana's name
After the House On The Borderland
Nothing would be the same
Selling various ephemera
Of a counter-cultural kind
The House On The Borderland
Blew my tiny mind
Me and Pradeep, Sanjiv, Steve and Mileage
In groups of twos and threes
Would make the lunchtime pilgrimage
Down to Gladstone street
To a strangely smelling wonderland
Where Pete purveyed a wealth
Of American comics three months before
They reached newsagents shelves
There were fanzines that revealed to me
New ways to read the world
Also Love and Rockets, Watchmen
Nexus and Dark Knight Returns
At the House On The Borderland
My pocket money flew
To the House On The Borderland
My dinner money too
From outside it might seem dingy
But it shone a rainbow light
From the House on the Borderland
Into another life
Beyond a job at Pearl Assurance
Or career at Thomas Cook
From the ideas that we found there
New horizons opened up
When I was working on my PhD
Concerning Doctor Doom
The texts I analysed remind me
Of that ill-lit room
The shop shut down ten years ago
Pete passed away
Peterborough has craft beer bars now
And a vegan café
Marks and Sparks sell tie-dyed t-shirts
Alan Moore is on TV
Superhero stories belong to the world now
Not just me
No-one needs to walk a mile
To a special kind of shop
To hear a view that's different
Or to smell a smell that's odd
But the House on the Borderland
Is open in my heart
Because the House on the Borderland
Is where all this stuff starts
Between the fens and the future
Between conformity and not
The House on the Borderland
Was more than just a shop
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10. |
Apocalypse Prepared
02:18
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Vampires, earthquakes, meteorites
The rise of the machines
Werewolves, rapture, nanotech
They don't bother me
Global warming, solar flares
I've read it all before
I've kept my DVD boxsets
Behind the shelter door
Cos I've read comics
And I've watched telly
Come the apocalypse I'll be ready
I'll know exactly what to do
Which does not include saving you
If there's a zombie outbreak
Or if evil aliens land
I'll be fine cos I've stocked up
On water and bullets and cans
And when you beg for help I'll say
Didn't you used to teach
On a mandatory all-day course
That began with "a little bit about me"?
And I bet you voted UKIP
I bet you voted leave
I bet you think The Beatles
Are not as good as Queen
Well I've read comics
And I've watched telly
Come the apocalypse I'll be ready
I'll know exactly what to do
Which does not include saving you
When it isn't Easter I bet you buy hot cross buns
You sent X Factor to Christmas Number one
You leave reciepts in the cash machine
On a crowded train you give your bag a seat
You don't send Christmas cards or give to charity
You have opinions about lossless mp3s
I've read comics
And I've watched telly
Come the apocalypse I'll be ready
I'll know exactly what to do
Which does not include saving you
I'm prepared for anything
Except, maybe, what if
It's you who's actually all right
And it's me who is the git?
I've read comics
And I've watched telly
Come the apocalypse I'll be ready
I'll know exactly what to do
Which does not include saving you
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11. |
Bad Back
01:52
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I am unwell and truculent
Because I've got a bad back
I never knew what trouble meant
Until I had a bad back
I have tried gel and ibubrofen
I'd go through hell and back again
Before I'd have a bad back
A bad back
It really hurts, it hurts a lot
A bad back
A bad back
You should be grateful if you haven't got
A bad back, a bad back
You've got exams and you forgot to revise
But you haven't got a bad back
You can't find love however hard you try
But you haven't got a bad back
You're late for work because your gerbil died
You've been impeached because you lied
But you haven't got a bad back
A bad back
I wish I hadn't tried to reach that shelf
A bad back
A bad back
It's harmed my well-being and mental health
A bad back, a bad back
Bring me my yoga mat
Swivel my hips
Who cares if I look daft
It can't be worse than this
A bad back
A bad back, a really bad back
One day I'll wake up and rise with ease
I'll no longer have a bad back
Like a lion, running free
When I haven't got a bad back
You won't mistake me for an OAP
When I remember when to bend from the knee
When I haven't got a bad back
A bad back
It really hurts, it hurts a lot
A bad back
A bad back
You should be grateful if you haven't got
A bad back, a bad back
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12. |
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I've got a friend called Kenny
He's a really lovely chap
But his older brother Alan is
A bit of a prat
So when I heard he was engaged
I knew that I'd be asked
By Kenny, the Best Man, to help
Make up numbers for the stag
And so we met in Alan's local
Roughly half his mates, half Ken's
And agreed on beers and curry
On the same night as the Hens
And just as we were toasting
Our decision we were joined
By some bloke that Alan knew from work
Who shouted "Hello boys!"
He was the kind of total wanker
Who acts like he owns the pub
And never gets his round in and
His name was Nigel Grubbe
Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Do
Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag
Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Do
Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Do
He asked what we were doing
So we told him of our plans
And he said "That's far too boring for
Al's last night as a free man!"
We said we'd got it sorted but
He laughed a red-faced laugh
And said "This'll never do Lads!
For Al it must be Prague!"
We'll drink until we're senseless
We'll party through the night!
Just leave it all to me lads
I can sort us out cheap flights!
I know the city well", he said
"I've even got a mate
Who runs a little hotel
This is going to be great!"
Next morning I'd forgotten
What we'd talked of in the pub
Until I got an email and
That came from Nigel Grubbe
Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Do
Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag
Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Do
Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Do
He said he'd got great news for us
The Stag Do was arranged!
The hotel and the flight were booked
We leave in seven days
The price was very slightly more
Than he had estimated
But as we had all been so keen
He'd gone ahead and paid it
He would be very grateful if
We'd pay the full amount
By close of play this evening
Into Nigel's bank account
I did not want to go and it
Looked expensive to me
But apparently we'd voted
By a huge majority
I couldn't let the side down
And who knows, maybe it would
Turn out to be fun after all
Thanks to Nigel Grubbe
Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Do
Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag
Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Do
Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Do
It was not fun
It was bloody awful
The flight took nineteen hours
We had to change in Warsaw
Our hotel turned out to be
A backpackers' hostel
Located five miles out of town
Next door to a brothel
We saw a lot of lovely bars
Which we did not go into
We spent half the night queuing
For an eighties retro disco
The other punters were all gits
The music was all shite
We paid seven Euros each
For a can of Red Stripe
When Nigel suggested a strip club
I said I'll just head back
Nigel went ballistic
And said I was ruining the Stag
And so he made us all sing "Stag"
Stag Stag Stag Stag
He made us all sing "Stag"
Stag Stag Stag Stag
Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Do
Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag
Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Do
Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Do
It was only one month later
When we met at the reception
That the bride informed us Nigel
Had never even had an invitation
And she'd got her calculator out
While Alan was away
And worked out that we'd all put in
Much more than Nigel paid
And she'd spoken to all the stags and found
That all of us had been worried
That we'd seem like spoilsports if we'd said
We'd rather have a curry
Still, at least we stags had bonded
And the Best Man's speech was funny
And at least we'd only lost a weekend
And, well, a lot of money
And at least we hadn't gone along
With the whole country getting stuffed
By a lying greasy bastard
With a name like Nigel Grubbe
Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Do
Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag
Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Do
Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Do
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13. |
I Think I Did OK
02:18
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Lying here, hungover
Last night to be raked over
A self-assessment of the cruellest kind
Analysis intensive
Examination forensic
But nothing truly awful comes to mind
Oh let my hopes be bouyant
I wasn't too annoying
And I think I did OK
I think I didn't say
Too much that was too rude
Or could be misconstrued
In the cold hard light of day
I think I did OK
Those bon mots what I dropped
Did they go badly wrong?
Were people dead offended
Are there fences
That need mending?
Did I come across as sarcastic?
Were my hugs over-enthusiastic?
Did I swear too much
Or not enough?
No I'm sure I was insightful
I am always delightful
And I think I did OK
I think I didn't say
Too much that was too rude
Or could be misconstrued
In the cold hard light of day
I think I did OK
Were my witticisms
Taken as criticims?
Did my breath stink?
Do I owe someone a drink?
Did that woman think I was staring?
What on earth did I think I was wearing?
Somehow I can't help thinking
I used to be a lot better at drinking
I never was
Sod this for a game of soldiers
I'm not a teenager, I'm very slightly older
And I think I did OK
I think I didn't say
Too much that was too rude
Or could be misconstrued
In the cold hard light of day
I think I did OK
I think I did OK
I think I didn't say
Too much that was too rude
Or could be misconstrued
In the cold hard light of day
I think I did OK
I am always delightful
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14. |
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If you can't be bothered to learn an instrument
At least learn the lines
If you can't be bothered to learn the lines
At least make it rhyme
If you can't be bothered to make it rhyme
At least make it scan
If you can't be bothered to make it follow roughly the same scanning system throughout
At least make the subject matter interesting
If you can't make it interesting
Keep it short
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15. |
I Like You
01:26
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A dracula in Waitrose
Or a dinosaur in Marks
A spaceship full of Frankensteins
Landing in the car park
None of these are as much of a surprise
As seeing you each evening
On the sofa by my side
Getting struck by lightning
Putting a hole in one
All our numbers coming up
Kanye covering this song
These things are all unlikely but they seem
More probable than someone like you
Ending up with me
I'd write a thank you in the sky
But I don't have a plane
I'd run stark naked down the Mall
Except it looks like rain
I'd write an opera but that takes too long
So instead I will get up and then put the kettle on
Saying it sounds soppy, but it's true
I'm guess that what I'm trying to say is
I like you
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MJ Hibbett & The Validators London, UK
MJ Hibbett & The Validators have performed live on Radio One, had a Record Of The Year in Rolling Stone, an Album Of The Day on 6Music, released one of the first ever viral videos, toured the UK and Europe, featured in an Edinburgh Fringe Festival show, and recorded a science fiction rock opera, all while maintaining their complete independence from outside record labels. ... more
MJ Hibbett & The Validators recommends:
Echo Bridge
by Gavin Osborn & The Comment Section
Home to many excellent people and albums.
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a short album about stuff
by Matt Tiller
Touring buddy and all round good egg.
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The Worst Way to Die
by Alex and the Christopher Hale Band
One of many sites demonstrating the ROCK of Alex.
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I stumbled across this album and it introduced me to the genius of MJ Hibbett. For that alone I am eternally grateful.
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All Goals Achieved (25 Years of Artists Against Success)
by Artists Against Success
supported by 6 fans who also own “The Unearthly Beauty Of”
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Deep soul melodies and elastic funk grooves light up the latest from Sivu.
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