All Around My House

by MJ Hibbett

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1.
When the Romans proposed that they build the viaduct The local parish Council said no thank you very much Our decision on planning permission is denied It'll ruin all our views of the ancient countryside But the Romans didn't care. They built it anyway. And as centuries passed everyone agreed: Viaducts are GRATE When the mains electrical voltage was standardised And plans for the National Grid were first devised Sir Reginald Blomfield chose a Milliken Brothers Design To carry the power to the people across the sky Benign giants supplying us with energy There'll come a time when everyone will see: Pylons are GRATE In the 27th Century Commitees will be set up To oversee the preservation of the nation's greatest love Titanic symbols of the time when everyone was first Connected to a national electrical network And none of our descendants will believe There was a time when not everyone agreed Pylons are bloody GRATE History will be my judge They've been really good Like the Viaduct Time will make them loved Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
2.
Like almost every Thursday lunchtime I was at the comics rack Flipping through Countdown Arena Thinking Yes, I know it's crap But it's got alternate universes Which I'm a sucker for When I heard a voice I thought I knew And looking up I saw Alan Moore! Alan Moore! Standing in the corner of the store Alan Moore! Alan Moore! Standing in the corner of the store Well, the entire shop went silent As everybody realised Our generation's hero Had caught us all buying shite So I quickly made my purchases Then ran out of the door So I could ring my best beloved And say Guess who i just saw! Alan Moore! Alan Moore! Standing in the corner of the store Alan Moore! Alan Moore! Standing in the corner of the store She said "That is amazing" "But are you really sure?" I said he's got a beard and ringed fingers And he's nine foot tall He cruises the imagisphere And wields a warlock's staff With Glycon the sock puppet God And Cthulu singing that It's Alan Moore! Alan Moore! He's standing in the corner of your store Alan Moore! Alan Moore! We command his bibliography's recall Mogo Doesn't Socialise Top Ten, Tom Strong, Supreme Whatever Happened To The Man Of Tomorrow? Promethea, The League Watchmen, V and Marvelman Swamp Thing, Halo Jones The double decker brain and Skizz And Captain Britain - oh! Hang on just a minute - suddenly I see It was Alan Moore who sparked my love Of Multiverse theory So I ran back to the shop And grabbed him in a manly hug And said I thank for the years Of comics I've loved, bad and good Or at least that's what I would have done On Earth 1610 But on Earth Prime, I was far too scared And so I just went home So Alan Moore! Alan Moore! Never knew how much I had to thank him for Alan Moore! Alan Moore! I'd hate to think he thought he was ignored Alan Moore! Alan Moore! I wrote this song to thank you, Alan Moore Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
3.
O.A.C. 02:02
Stood in the supermarket I saw a packet Labelled as a Senior Choice It's full of good vitamins For Senior Citizens Hope it's something you'll enjoy Because you're an old lady now Your night-time cacophany's Quietened down Because you're an old lady now You're our OAC There was a shape flying Along the fence and I Wondered if it might be you But you were sat snoring Where you'd been all morning The sofa in the living room Because you're an old lady now The murder rate locally's Coming right down Because you're an old lady now You're our OAC But when you think nobody's looking You'll still play with your mouse And though you're not quite as hands on as you once were You're still head of the house Because you're an old lady now Still purring, demanding Your dinner right now Because you're an old lady now You're our OAC Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
4.
Man Band 03:13
Now my friend Charlie, he's in a band Of all it's members, he's the odd one out He's got a whole lot of women in the back of his van And a pack of paracetamol, for when things get loud I said hey Charlie, how do you cope? Is it fabulousy wonderful? He said, no But i'm gonna try and do this, while I still can And for when I can't there's my retirement plan I'm gonna form a man band - see if I don't And it's gonna be a man band, butch as The Pope There'll be a whole lot of farting and stupid jokes And it's gonna be a man band that's full of blokes Well we'll turn up in our work clothes and not get changed And if we like a funny story we'll tell it again We won't talk about our feelings or stuff like that And none of us will ever think we look fat Cos i'm gonna form a man band before I'm dead And we'll practice for the man band in someone's shed Every single member in it'll have Y Chromosomes And it's gonna be a man band that's full of blokes I said can I join please? And he said yes I asked him when it's happening? He said not yet He said he'll struggle on surrounded by gorgeous birds He could stand a few more years of talking to girls Because if you form a man band you may well rock But the members of a man band smell like old socks And they will never compliment you no matter what you wear Because the members of a man band won't care So we're gonna form a man band on one fine day And it's gonna be a grand band - come and watch us play Especially if you are a lady, because you know It's boring in a man band when it's just blokes Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
5.
A window pain can contain An entire mountain range And you can occlude the whole of the moon With a normal table spoon But I want to know how long I have to go Before you are hidden from view? Because however far I am from where you are I can still see glimpses of you Some things are far away And some are small A bit of distance makes a lot of difference To the span of my eclipse The details get less clear as I move through the year And your outline seems to shrink But though you fade away I'm sure you'll always stay A massive landmark on my mind Part of the scenery even if i need A telescope to find you Some things are far away And some are small But now I can't work out where you are I've not looked for you in a while And now better days are getting in the way Of seeing that part of my life I should have made a map I should remember that Mistakes can be made about size Because sometimes it's hard to get perspective When you've closed one of your eyes Some things are big And some things were just near Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
6.
As a youth I used to do gigs and wonder Will this one be the big one, the one where I am noticed by the benign eye Of an industry insider? But A&R men never came by and this Made me think I couldn't really exist Will I ever be discovered, I cried out Like some sort of pillock But like America I was already there You can't discover something that's been known by its indigenous people (for so many years) So I thought, all right, I'll do it myself I'll write a whole batch of songs that I think will sell To an audience identified by reading the print media But re-invention's harder than it looks The vital factor unidentified in the guide books Is that the corset's not been made that will Cover up this sort of beer belly Because like the Charge Coupled Device I was invented one night in 1969 And though there may be amendments I will never differ far from my patent (no re-application required) And then one day I thought bugger this If no-one else is interested Why keep on trying? Why not just do what i like? And so that is exactly what I did And immediately every gig Became less like an application process And more like an adventure It was less like an application process And more like an adventure It's like when they regrade your job And you have to reapply, it's not Like they can give it to somebody else Because then what would you do? (assuming you Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
7.
The papers said it's a disgrace When they saw the size of his wage And questions were asked in the Upper House About curtailing how much he gets paid But they'd never ever think to look At how much their kind pays themselves For contributing so much less Towards the sum of human happiness Because the millionaire footballer Cannot deserve all that Because the millionaire footballer Is far too working class It makes no jot of difference Who he knows or where he went to school His earnings and his employer's earnings are dependent how well they do Who his father was has no bearing upon how well he'll play And your performances are audited every single Saturday The millionaire footballer Earnt everything he has The millionaire footballer Is hated by the ruling class Because the millionaire footballer Is everything they're not The Millionaire footballer Must be stopped They'll pick upon his sex life Which compared to theirs is mild And they'll mock his taste in clothes and friends Whilst braying with their tribe And they'd rather watch the rugby Where they're never surrounded by The throng of working men and women Who they utterly despise If you don't have the taste or decency to be born into wealth Don't dare to have a dream and chase it, and don't you dare do well The Millionaire footballer Must be put back in his place Or the millionaire footballer Could kick down the state Because the Millionaire footballer Is a bad example to the rest If the power of the Premiership is challenged God knows who might be next Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
8.
Up at the top of the shop she looked down and thought It could be easily done All of her problems could come to a halt If she just had the gumption to jump But the thought of the mess it'd make for someone And the chance that she'd just break her leg Makes her come back, take a last soggy drag And she's soon plodding down through the steps Back at the job in the shop that she got when she lost Any hope that she'd ever be free Of the debt she'd accepted when she signed away Her whole life for the home of her dreams And come nine o'clock she's already locked up And she's off to the club to clock on She works on the door, then she's mopping the floor When the clientele finally go home Then it's red bull and coke as she takes off her coat When the agency van picks her up Does eight hours on the line, finishes just in time To get back into town on the bus Back at the job in the shop that she got when she lost Any hope that she'd ever be free Of the debt she'd accepted when she signed away Her whole life for the home of her dreams The only way she could manage to pay Was to stopping wasting time in her sleep So she took on more jobs till she found that she'd not Been through her own front door for a week So she went back to the house, cleaned and rented it out And with repayments increased, realised If she could manage to live to a hundred and six She might be able to retire From the job in the shop that she got when she lost Any hope that she'd ever be free Of the debt she'd accepted when she signed away Her whole life for the home of her dreams But the job in the shop was the last tiny drop In the bucket that caused it to spill She had a heart attack, leaving shelves yet to pack Cracked her head as she fell on the till She hoped to be dead, but she woke up in bed With a lawyer beside who frowned He said now you've emerged from your coma I'd urge You to declare insolvency now And her pleas were rejected, her tenants ejected And she found herself in bankrupcy And the job in the shop, that was lost but she got Back her hopes, and her life and her dreams She slept for a week Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
9.
Next To Me 02:48
She's making noises again That means she's gone to sleep I'm gonna fall out of bed If she keeps on pushing me And as I lie here wide awake at midnight There's nowhere else I'd rather be Clinging onto the duvet for dear life With her next to me A chorus of car alarms A post-club row on the street A taxi blowing his horn And next door with his drum machine As as I lie here wide awake in the night There's nowhere else I'd rather be Listening to a city staying alive With her next to me I'm never gonna get to sleep I'm never gonna get to sleep I'll have to make myself a cup of tea Where's all this sunlight come from? She's turning over again She's on my side of the bed She's in my territory I welcome the invading leg And when I finally manage opening my eyes There's nowhere else I'd rather being Being the first today to look at her smile Because she's next to me Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
10.
Watching Television On Saturday afternoon I've got a lot of channels On my Duovision Freeview But we haven't got a package For any Movies or for Sport So there is only one choice If you want the latest score: It's Gilette Soccer Saturday Presented by Jeff Stelling with a panel of expert views They've got reporters all around the country Passing on the latest news But you never see live action You only get verbal reports If you want to see what's happening You need to subscribe to Sky Sports Not Gilette Soccer Saturday Watching people watching television Hearing the excitement of the game Feeling second hand all the emotion Isn't every other show the same? As Gilette Soccer Saturday Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
11.
Dishwasher 02:53
Walking home I prayed to God above To please deliver me from washing up But when I walked in I remembered we'd got Plumbed in between the sink and the work top A dishwasher - Dishwasher! Saving so much of our time Dishwasher - Dishwasher! Improving our quality of life Hunched over the cooker I thought Good Grief I've used a milion pans to make our Tea It'll take a year to clean these pots Then I turned left and realised that we've got Dishwasher - Dishwasher! Saving so much of our time Dishwasher - Dishwasher! Improving our quality of life It's extra silent, don't make no racket You just stack it and unstack it Living in the future's full of trials But something GRATE turns up once in a while And when it does, I say, let's celebrate A White Good that I think is GRATE Dishwasher - Dishwasher! Saving so much of our time Dishwasher - Dishwasher! Improving our quality of life Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
12.
When I got myself a mobile phone I thought I doubt I'll use it that often But within half a week I was texting you ten times a day And now I can't go out without ringing home At least once a night, and more if drunk And if we're meeting at 6 I'll ring you at 18 hundred and 1. And now when I watch DVDs It's incomprehensible to me That Magnum doesn't just ring Higgins And say I've been shot When I met my friends at the Beer Festival We would wonder what happened to Stefan? It was a mystery - where was he? Had he followed his dream? And then I looked him up in Yahoo Search And found his homepage and address And now he's on Friends United And probably on Facebook And now when I watch DVDs It seems inefficient to me That Magnum doesn't Google his clients To check out their story Now we're eight years into the future And life's changed in ways we'd not seen With laptops, and wireless and texting Downloaded music, digital TV But still, it isn't Jet Packs We never get to teleport And I'd rather have a moon walk Than BBCi, Sky One or More4 And if Magnum were here, his litte voice Would whisper, I guess it's OK But still, it isn't Jet Packs, in space Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
13.
When the spacecraft crashed on Debden It caused an increase in time For journeys on the Central Line BUt they said that it was Passenger Action So apart from some fuss About the rail replacement bus Everything carried on as normal Much to the confusion of the spacecraft's crew When people rang into the radio station Who'd heard a strange unearthly noise On the approach to Theydon Bois The experts told them it was just a bit of thunder And that the bright lights in the sky Were merely normal meteorites And people laughed and said Well that's all all right then As alien warriors marched into Buckhurst Hill And as they set up their machines and started processing the populace The people smiled and said "Bloody students!" And when the nuclear attacks began to rain down on the West End Everybody said "Oh look, the Northern Lights!" Everything's all right Everything's all right And as the refugees and wounded walked Northwards It was the last thing on the news No-one even emailed their views And the police who went to marshal fleeing millions Gave the official crowd size As between four thousand and five And people laughed and said "Typical London!" As the mothership descended and destroyed Derby And as they started up the Pain Cyclones to wipe out human lifeforms People coming home from pubs put up umbrellas And when the Psychic Witches started chanting Mantras of Destruction People tutted, closed their eyes, switched off the light Everything's all right Everything's all right And almost nobody believed it And those that did were mad Wrote angry letters to the papers Demanding rebates in their Council Tax Disappointed, disillusioned With their plans to kill the globe Too upset to carry on now So two days later the invasion force went home Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
14.
Now, I've got a friend who likes indie comics He thinks that they're really GRATE He likes their realistic, almost kitchen-sink drama Telling tales of people to whom he relates But if i wanted ordinary normal life stories I'd cast a hungry ear over bus queues And if I wanted to know how it feels to live like you do I might as well listen to you So give me giant robots and gorillas Riding dinosaurs Alternative dimensions, cyber-cops and future wars Or better still something of which I've never even thought And giant robots and gorillas Riding dinosaurs In a medium of infinite possibile direction I do not see why anyone would prefer To stick to stories you can see on any television That we've all heard a million times before Unfettered by restrictions of physics or of budgets Imagination is free to create Fantastic new ideas, scenarios and questions The only limitation is your BRAIN Give me giant robots and gorillas Riding dinosaurs Super heroes, supervillains, extraterrestrials Or better still something of which I've never even thought And giant robots and gorillas Riding dinosaurs Or is it maybe that some people are embarrassed To be discovered reading a comic? So they call them graphic novels, or sequential narraton And say Look! This one's about relationships! Let's tell them not to pander to small-minded criticism Don't be guided by what stupid people think Don't hide signs to the future inside dreary emo whinging Come face front, true believer, as we sing: Give me giant robots and gorillas Riding dinosaurs By Grant Morrison, Stan Lee, Jack Kirby, Alan Moore Or better still something of which You have suddenly thought And giant robots and gorillas Riding dinosaurs Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
15.
Any minute the ticket inspector Will draw level with my seat and he'll say This ticket isn't valid For any kind of travel Anywhere sir, at this time of day Any second now the bus conductor Will tell me We do not accept this pass Please don't make a fuss And just get off my bus You don't belong here and you never have I'll shrug and say fair cop I'm actually quite shocked To have got away with it for this long Surely someday soon my boss will find out I've no qualifications for this task I'll be asked to quietly leave Handing in my key To a frowning member of the admin staff I'll shrug and say fair cop I'm actually quite shocked To have got away with it for this long My friends don't seem to notice that I'm rubbish God knows how I have fooled them for this long I'm holding up my hands and saying yes sir It's must be true, I'm nothing but a con I'll shrug and say fair cop I'm actually quite shocked To have got away with it for this long My missus hasn't worked out I'm a pillock For some reason she seems to think I'm cool I'll maintain the facade Because it would break my heart If she worked out how much better she could do I'll shrug and say fair cop I'm actually quite shocked To have got away with it for this long But baby, I'll repent My wicked ways I'll mend And I'll try to be the me you thought you'd got Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing

about

Fourteen and a half songs ("It's A Fair Cop" was written with Vom Vorton) all written and recorded during February Album Month 2008. It was issued as an EXTREMELY limited edition CD over the course of one weekend with all covers hand folded by me!

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released March 1, 2008

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MJ Hibbett & The Validators London, UK

MJ Hibbett & The Validators have performed live on Radio One, had a Record Of The Year in Rolling Stone, an Album Of The Day on 6Music, released one of the first ever viral videos, toured the UK and Europe, featured in an Edinburgh Fringe Festival show, and recorded a science fiction rock opera, all while maintaining their complete independence from outside record labels. ... more

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