Wonderful Wednesday

by MJ Hibbett

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1.
On wednesdays I work from home I get so much more done on my own Like my laundry And cooking the tea I back my files up each month And have a fry up for my lunch On a Wednesday Work emails, click refresh Once an hour, just to check Prove I'm striving By replying I'll do some ironing after that At three o'clock I'll have a bath On a Wednesday Wonderful Wednesday When I was young I used to wonder How do people manage their work load? How do they ensure that there is just enough to do all day And not too much to stop them going home Now I know Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
2.
I've emptied out my inbox I've replied to all my texts I've gone through and responded To all my facebook requests I've retweeted where required I have answered my DMs I've even looked at Myspace For the first time since 2010 And I think it's safe to say I'm completely up to date I have browsed through message boards And I have googled my own name Briefly read the news and then Googled myself again I've deleted my spam folder Brought my bookmarks up to date Did a back-up, cleared my cache and then Googled myself again And I think it's safe to say I'm completely up to date And I think it's safe to say I'm completely up to date It's really rather beautiful It's really rather nice Nobody requires of me An answer or reply Everything is tranquil Everything's at peace No-one needs to interact With me And if you look I think you'll find I am bored out of my mind Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
3.
Leave me here at home I'll stay all on my own I'll only get in the way Of the fun you'll have at the family day So leave me here at home And maybe it's this difficult age But I feel a little ill today I'll go to my room and hide Until I hear the car leave the drive Then I'll slip downstairs to play Four or five hours of computer games With no-one to take turns with I'm so happy I could smile Pausing only once or twice To indulge my only vice: Cheese and salad cream sandwiches In the living room on the big TV From half past ten to half past three You'll never know I was there I'll be packed up back up stairs Draped across my bed I'll be pretending to be asleep And maybe it's this difficult age But I've had a rather wonderful day With cheese and salad cream sandwiches Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
4.
Touch Wood 01:55
I saw a penny I picked it up I can't say that I've noticed Any Extra good luck Or maybe it's been protecting me all day Maybe I was due to be knocked down by a train Perhaps I should have been ripped apart by wolves I think I'll keep on picking pennies up Touch wood - that's just my luck Touch wood - that's just my luck I ate an apple Every day I'm not sure that it ever kept The doctor away But perhaps it's been stopping me from getting sick Perhaps my spine was due to break or my legs split It could be I've been poisoned and I never knew I guess I'd better keep consuming the fruit Touch wood - that's just my luck Touch wood - that's just my luck I was early to bed I was early to rise I'm not sure if I'm healthy, or wealthy Or wise But I've got a penny, that's something, yes? And an apple to I've not eaten yet So I'll make a decision I doubt I'll regret Goodnight all, I'm off back to bed Touch wood - that's just my luck Touch wood - that's just my luck Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
5.
Not Yet 01:28
Like a poker through the butter Every time your name is uttered I melt Like a drunk when streets are wet The very first time our eyes met I fell Like a man without a pension Every time your name is mentioned I get nervous for the future Or the owner of a boutique Who is dazzled by your beauty What I've got is bound to suit you Like a band who've joined myspace I'm about three years too late To think that you could be my friend But like a grandma scared of flying I'll just have to keep on trying If I'm to see you again Like a poker player bluffing It looks like I'm doing nothing But my brain is at full stretch And like a minor left wing faction One day I'll spring into action Just not yet Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
6.
Just one finger You only need a finger Just one finger To play this song You can be the singer Or you can clap along It doesn't really matter It isn't very long You could use a tentacle Or you could use your nose You could even use a trunk If you've got one of those But just one finger You only need a finger Just one finger To play this song If you're feeling clever You can use two You don't have to move your hand This is what you do But if you don't want to You can stick with one You only need a finger To play this song Just one finger You only need a finger Just one finger To play this song You can be the singer Or you can clap along It doesn't really matter It isn't very long Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
7.
They Hate Me 02:05
Sometimes I'm in front of a crowd And I see someone walking out There might be many reasons They could leave But all that I can think is They hate me Sometimes I'm singing at a gig The audience, for me's, quite big It's great till suddenly I see someone leave And all that I can think is They hate me And I know that usually It isn't that And most times that it happens They'll come back I know that sometimes they just need a wee Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
8.
Alan was an astronaut He went where no-one's been before He charted outer space He saw things man's not mean to see Met people who weren't human beings An ambassador for the human race But Alan had to face it Too long spent within a space ship Can become a little dull Aliens get kind of same-y You can have too much space ladies Asking the meaning of love This strange emotion Meanwhile back on Planet Earth His brother Robin went to work With a smile on his face He also worked in space, of sorts He filled containers up at ports And sent them on their way But unlike his little brother He knew lots and lots of other Shippers working at the docks It can make a lot of difference He told Alan, just to mingle With people with the same job Let's network Let's cross-pollinate Let's meet at conferences Let's network Let's collaborate And spread best practices Alan took these words to heart And signed up for a seminar Maximising Time In Time And Space Later at the drinks reception With delegates from the next dimension He got into a heated debate They said love was just a myth Such emotions don't exist It's just a silly human word Alan's experience was useful In demonstrating love is truthful By the morning the concurred Let's have the next conference on Earth! Let's network Let's cross-pollinate Let's meet at conferences Let's network Let's collaborate And spread best practices Sadly for the human race They told the universe Every creature from the whole of space Descended on earth They wanted love, but luckily enough It turns out that the alien translation For love's the universal need For storage that is stacked at speed And efficient transportation Now Robin is the King of the World Let's network Let's cross-pollinate Let's meet at conferences Let's network Let's collaborate And spread best practices Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
9.
Professor Peter Probersite, Professor of Space Physics, looked askance at his colleague. What's the reason? This is. Doctor Darren Dedicoat of the Genetics Department was showing him the results of his new experiment. "Behold, I've made a perfect clone - a replica human being" Professor Peter Probersite could not believe what he was seeing. "I hope this is a prototype," he muttered, looking worried. "Why no, this is the 59th," said Darren, "I was in a hurry. And look in here, there's thousands more. They'll make me loads of money!" The Prof said, "Hang on, is it me or do those clones look angry?" Smashing out of their test tubes the Army of clones wake up and with a look of violence they march upon their maker. "Run", they yelled, in unison but their escape was thwarted. Somehow the lab door had been locked - their plan to flee, aborted. "We're doomed" they screamed, then suddenly Darren had an idea. "But do I have the right?" he pondered as the first wave of clones drew near. "We're scientists", said Probersite, "Philosophy be blasted!" "All right" said Dedicoat "it's time to end this where it started" He dashed upstair to a room where a sealed beaker was displayed. He smashed it and, in tears, shouted "God forgive what I do today!" The clones upon the stairs were first to fall as the gas struck them and down below their fellow clones soon joined them in the fallen. "An antidote to cloning - I thought this might be useful" said Doctor Darren Dedicoat. "So functional, so brutal." He looked around for his colleague and suddenly he saw Professor Peter Probersite lay dead upon the floor. He looked up and, through a window, saw himself shaking his head. Doctor Dedicoat realised... and then he fell down dead. The moral of the story's this: those academics weren't alone. Watch out for cloning antidotes, you too could be a cloooooooooooooojd983 j9i'[3 1 Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
10.
Is it time to go home now? Is it time to pack up? Is it time to go and wash the cups and saucers? I've had enough Is it time to get my coat on? Is it time to shut down Is it time to say that I'll see you tomorrow? I want to go home now I've more than had enough of working I'm tired of answering the phone I've had my fill of sitting in the office I want to go home The central heating hasn't broken The ceiling has not collapsed The mainframe in the basement hasn't caught fire For once the network's not crashed The boss has not been down to see us To tell us that we're free to go There hasn't even been a little bomb scare That means we might as well go home I've more than had enough of working I'm tired of answering the phone I've had my fill of sitting in the office I want to go home It feels as if I have been sat here At least three weeks, maybe a month I can't believe it's only twenty past eleven I think I'll have an early lunch When I get back I'll have a quick go At tower defense I'll maybe browse some links on b3ta Read Richard Herring and then I'll have look at wikipedia And find some things I didn't know When I look up I'll find it's gone five o'clock and Everyone has gone home They'd more than had enough of working That's why no-one's ringing my phone I'm the only one still sitting in the office I'm here on my own I've more than had enough of working I'm tired of answering the phone I've had my fill of sitting in the office I'm going home Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
11.
I think we've all got... Just a little bit excited So let's calm down We're all a little bit excited Deep breaths all round I know it's all been quite exciting But if we don't relax Things'll go from bad to worse Someone might get hurt And we can't have that Now let's take a little minute To all be quiet Because it's like we're in the middle Of a full scale riot Sit yourself down on the carpet Or if you're outside Put your bottom on the ground Or even just lie down And close your eyes Everybody say "Ah" Everybody say "Ooh" Everybody say "Me" Everybody say "Snooze" Everybody say "La da da da da" Everybody say "Dee dee dee dee dee" Everybody say "Doo-be-doo-be doo" Sing along with me m-me me-me "La da da da da" "Doo-be-doo-be doo" "Dee dee dee dee dee" Try and do it quietly LA LA LALA LALALA DOO-DOO-BE-DOO DOO-BE DOO DEE DEE DEEDEE DEE DEE DEE BANG BA-DA BANG BANG BANG Now - i think we've all got... Just a little bit excited So let's calm down We're all a little bit excited Deep breaths all round I know it's all been quite exciting But try and relax Let's just try and say hello And see how we go After that Hello! Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
12.
Sainsbury's or Tesco Local Sandwich shop or Pret Subway, Wagamama Where'm I gonna go to get Something nice to eat I wish that I'd packed something up It's getting near the time For me to go and get my lunch Yes it's getting nearly lunchtime 'Cos it's really nearly lunchtime 'Cos it's really nearly lunchtime And I'm gonna have some lunch My stomach's been a-rumbling For about an hour or three Was that a lorry going by? No sorry, that was me I might have fruit for afters I might have a can of pop Maybe a pot of pasta Or a bap or roll or cob Because it's getting nearly lunchtime Yes it's really nearly lunchtime Yes it's really nearly lunchtime And I'm gonna have some lunch If it's sunny I'll go out and I'll sit on a bench If it isn't I'll come back and eat at my desk And now that lunchtime's over I've got lots of things to do My appetite is sated For the entire afternoon But if look distracted There's a question bugging me What I want to know is What are we having for tea? Because it's getting nearly tea-time Yes it's really nearly tea-time Yes it's really nearly tea-time And I'm gonna have some tea I'm gonna have some tea I'm really gonna have my tea I'm really gonna have my tea What are we having for tea? Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
13.
Slide past Stevenage See the landscape flattening Feel the fens draw in Skies that smile for miles Trees outline the land Distant steeples beckoning Dykes in lines like maps Skies that smile for miles You can keep the hills Cliffs and valleys, not for me Take me to a place With skies that smile for miles Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
14.
So, I've been getting quite excited about the referendum on the Alternative Vote And I've been investigating the arguments of the campaign that's saying "No" They say that it'll increase extremism Which is a total lie And it'll end single party strong governance And to be honest that's partly why I'm saying yes - I'm saying yes And I don't care if that pleases Nick Clegg I'm saying yes - I'm saying yes Representative democracy will last long after he's dead Now, they're telling us it's too complicated Because they think that we're all thick The explanation's peasy In fact, here it is: All the votes are counted and if no-one gets fifty per cent They re-allocate the votes of the person who came last to the second choices, then Keep doing that until someone gets at least half the vote Apologies if the incredible complexity of that made your mind blow I'm saying yes - I'm saying yes And I don't care if that pleases Nick Clegg I'm saying yes - I'm saying yes Representative democracy will last long after he's dead And we'll get a fairer say in who we want for our MPs A chance of second votes mean that they'll have to broaden their appeal Yeah, and we can vote for parties who we'd ideally want to win first And then I guess second for those who've got a chance and seem to be the least worst I know it's not proportional, and I know it's not the best But it's the only chance to change it that we're ever likely to get And if you think the results are gonna be be boring - think of this: Now they'll all come in on Friday afternoons, so we've got a weekend on the piss I'm saying yes - I'm saying yes And I don't care if that pleases Nick Clegg I'm saying yes - I'm saying yes Representative democracy will last long after he's dead Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing

about

All of these songs were written and recorded during February Album Writing Month 2011 at home on my four-track. I slightly remixed a couple of them when it was all over, but they're basically AS IS from the day they were each written... which is why there's the occasional bit of JAZZ TUNING to some of the vocals!

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released April 4, 2011

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MJ Hibbett & The Validators London, UK

MJ Hibbett & The Validators have performed live on Radio One, had a Record Of The Year in Rolling Stone, an Album Of The Day on 6Music, released one of the first ever viral videos, toured the UK and Europe, featured in an Edinburgh Fringe Festival show, and recorded a science fiction rock opera, all while maintaining their complete independence from outside record labels. ... more

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