20 Golden GRATES

by MJ Hibbett & The Validators

/
1.
Hey Hey 16K 02:54
We bought it to help with your homework We bought it to help with your homework And the household accounts If your dad ever works it all out Lunchtimes in the library writing down the pokes and peeks Copying an access code, get a taste for home taping Fetishists of map-making Rubber keys and rotten leads, rand and run and load and screens Then five minutes fingers crossed hoping not to witness the terror Of R: Tape Loading Error We bought it to help with your homework We bought it to help with your homework And the household accounts If your dad ever works it all out ZX spectrum 81, dragon vic and oric1 Commodore 64, amstrad and an acorn electorn Cheaper BBC micro Jet set willy, sabre wulf, lords of midnight, underwurlde Dark star, transam, ant attak And of course, manic miner The hobbit and knight lore and elite It made a generation who can code A bubble before proper consoles, who all know That the games you get today, may be very flash But there'll never beat the thrill Of getting through Jetpac Hey Hey, 16K, What does that get you these days? You need more than that for a letter Old Skool Ram Paks are much better. Personal Computer Games, Your Sinclair, 16K Kempston Competition Pro, Crash and Cursor Keys and GO TO Dixons and bother Saturday staff with loops that never end We bought it to help with your homework We bought it to help with your homework And the household accounts If your dad ever works it all out Hey Hey, 16K, What does that get you these days? You need more than that for a letter Old Skool Ram Paks are much better. For n=0 to 2 Those were the days Next n Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
2.
Oh how i long for the last working day of the month That's when i get paid I get my money out all in one go So i can roll around in what i've made I spend my money fast before it all runs out I've no idea where it all goes But while it's there i'll get a chinese takeaway Some records some books and some clothes Because payday is the best day of all It's the best day of all It's the best day of all It's like a three day festival All of my friends seem to bank with the Co-op But i prefer to stick with Barclays I like a bank that doesn't hide the fact That they're a bunch of money-grubbing bloody nazi's When i was a student they gave me the hassle Because i never ever had no bread But now they kiss my derriere because they're well aware That every month i'll be back in the red Because payday is the best day of all It's the best day of all It's the best day of all It's like a three day festival I know it's not efficient, I know I should be thinking of the future I know I should save But what's the point of that when We could all be dead tomorrow You can't take a TESSA to the grave I'd rather have a week of decadence, two weeks of being all right And then put up with week of pain Because if you spread your cash across the course of the month You miss out on the joys of Payday Because payday is the best day of all It's the best day of all It's the best day of all It's like a three day festival Spend when you can When you can't get your card and flex it. Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
3.
Born with the century he joined the armoury Came under fire under-age on the Somme Lost his virginity somewhere in Brittany On his way home from first leave from the front Married at twenty to a girl that he hardly knew She bore him children but bored him to death Divorce wasn't common then, she saw other men He was no angel. The village was shocked During the thirties he couldn't find work He went with the Communists to fight in Spain When he got back he found his wife had drowned Entwined with a publican beneath a lake In 1945 their eldest daughter died Only two months before VE day At the street parties he met his new partner They had a daughter, they called her Isabelle May It was like fatherhood for the first time His life flew by Suddenly she was a woman and he was sixty five It was time to retire In 1972 she moved into a squat With some chap who did lights for The Who He told his daughter he'd always support her But his wife knew that he did not approve So when he was eighty he took him to lunch For a man to man chat in an old country pub He asked him to grant him his daughter's hand In marriage and he was really quite touched He wasn't so pleased when they moved to Austalia Postcards from grandchildren just weren't the same During the miners' strike he joined the picket lines "Bolshevik Grandad" said The Daily Mail It was like feeling pain for the first time When his wife died Suddenly he was alone, feeling old and very tired A man who never cried During the last years of his life he Tried to get in touch with the children from his first marriage, but after years of neglect they did not want to know Isabelle helped with the bills and he tried to get by but in the end they decided he'd have to be moved into a home He spent his last days descending to death In a chair by the wall in a room streaked with piss And when he died his whole life flashed before his eyes His last thought was "How did all that lead down to this?" Fought in the First War and married too young Fought for democracy and lost a wife Lost a child, found a wife, found a meaning to life Never saw all his grandchildren, died a radical But in the end he was just some old man Born with the century Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
4.
When Blur took what they thought to be the completed version of "Modern Life Is Rubbish" in to their record company they were told to go away and write some HITS. Damon Albarn went away that night and wrote "Chemical World" and "For Tomorrow", both of which went on the album and came out as singles. I don't know why, but I've always liked this story and wanted to do the same. Similarly I love the idea that when people said to Martin Carr "Go on, write a hit record!" he said "Right! I bloody will!" and wrote "Wake Up Boo". THUS when the rest of The Validators thought we had finished this album it was almost inevitable that I would tell MYSELF to go and write some more songs, then make THEM record them. There was a large BLOCK of songs written during the GRATE SONG BUNG DEBUNGING of October 30th 2001 (see "Further Information" for details), but this one was written specifically to be the Extra Hit on the album. Just because I am a Grown Up doesn't mean I can't fall PREY to Rock Star Fantasies every now and again. It was written in June 2002 (after five months of writing no songs, and followed by over six months of not writing any more) after reading a Julie Burchill article about how people who DO the Actual Work get paid a fraction of the amount paid to the people who try to sell it to you. In a roundabout way that drove me round to thinking about how DJs are LAUDED far more for putting a slab of vinyl on a turntable than the people who MADE the damn music in the first place, and the song EVOLVED from there. The title, like so very many of my song titles, was something that, at the time, I went around saying a LOT, and seemed to be the sort of thing OTHER people might enjoy going around saying (c.f. "You Will Be Hearing From My Solicitor", "Everything's Turning Out All Right", "One Last Party" etc etc), in fact most of the lyrics were things I went around saying a LOT, except for that idea about improving A&E, which Charlotte was going around saying a LOT. Credit where it's due! The chorus was always meant to be a SOFT ROCK exercise, but I can never get my guitar to make SOFT ROCK noises, which I guess is just as well really. Meanwhile, the call and response bit in the middle is, like the bit in "Easily Impressed", me trying to build HOOKS into the songs for the audience to join in with. If it's good enough for Young People's Rap Musicians, it's good enough for me! The recording was pretty easy, I seem to recall - I told Tim i'd like it "Motowny" (and OH! if only those pioneers knew how OFT their name would be taken in vain in this fashion!) and Tim played it in the very un-Motowny but very TIM way he always does when I say that. I'd also made a demo of the song which featured a rather nice bass line left over from "It Could Have Been Me", which we'd tried out a few times but never got anywhere with, and HANDILY The Mighty Rhythmn Section took that and IMPROVED it immeasurably. Well done everyone! Similarly Emma took my rather STRANGULATED idea for backing vocals and made them GOOD, and Tom managed to translate my DIRECTIONS (waving my arms about going "Like chalk on a blackboard! But DISCO!") into the strings you hear before you now. Once it was recorded it seemed fairly obvious to me that it should begin the album, and I originally intended to stick a HIDEOUS GUITAR SOLO on at the start, because I LIKE that sort of thing. However, by the time we got round to doing this I'd moved to London and really couldn't be arsed to somehow collect Rob's guitar from Derby (I don't have my own electrical guitar) just to record 20 seconds of YOWLING, so instead borrowed a KORG from Kev. You can't necessarily HEAR the result without concentrating, but it makes ALL the difference I reckon. lyrics From Dylan down to Guthrie, Bobby G and Billy Bragg When a Singer takes Positions, someone's always bound to ask You've complained about the way the world is run, but tell me this - What's your answer to the problems of the world in which we live? And the trouble is they've rarely got as far as formulating Any policies for working on a day to daily basis So distract the hack's attention with a hint that they do drugs Or be so boring they'll ignore it, but I won't do that because Things'll be different, Things'll be different Things'll be different when I am in Charge (when i am in charge) Things'll be different Things'll be different when I am in Charge I'll renationalise the railways and I'll flog the fools in charge I'll renationalise the post office but privatise the arts Because if Opera is unpopular I see no reason why An anochronistic art form should not be allowed to die DJs will be taxed until there is no earthly way They can earn more money than the bands whose records they all play I'll disown the National Anthem, have Jerusalem instead Give Independence to the English from the London Media Set Things'll be different, Things'll be different Things'll be different when I am in Charge (when i am in charge) Things'll be different Things'll be different when I am in Charge MJ Hibbett & The Validators say - This Is Not A Library! MJ Hibbett & The Validators say - This Is Not A Library! MJ Hibbett & The Validators say - This Is Not A Library! MJ Hibbett & The Validators say - This Is Not A Library! I will raise the wage of teachers (except those who teach PE) And I will push a pile of cash into Improving A&E Organic Farmers are the only ones who will get grants And we'll be going into Europe with a Euro in our hands Elect the House of Lords directly using STV And have Re-Open Nominations on the ballots for MPs The Church of England will be Disestablished and then we Will embark upon a process very similar viz. the Queen Things'll be different, Things'll be different Things'll be different when I am in Charge (when i am in charge) Things'll be different Things'll be different when I am in Charge
5.
You said when i walked out that door You could not continue to live But on further investigation It turns out that's a fib You said that you would shuffle off this mortal coil It hasn't happened yet And like a fool i went and believed Every stupid word you said Well, you will be hearing from my solicitor I'm gonna sue the sorry ass off you And when i'm through you won't be able to sit down You said that you would lay down and die Which you've manifestly failed to do You said that you would never love again But it seems that that's not true And i felt really guilty I need not have so done Cos worst of all, you're getting some again And i am getting none Well, you will be hearing from my solicitor I'm gonna sue the sorry ass off you And when i'm through you won't be able to sit down
6.
When I buy a pint of milk on the way home from work I think "I bought that with the money I earnt" "Working all week long in a job I like" And it leads me to think about my whole life Like the friends I've got and the flat I have And the fact that I am acting like a full-grown man And the best thing about this Babylon I've built Is that I got it all out of a pint of milk And I guess That I am Easily Impressed Oh Yeah yeah yeah, yes YES Easily Impressed I like a posh cup of coffee with a plastic spout The ease of navigation of the London Underground A Remington Strimmer for a hairy nose The futuristic possibilities of Mobile Phones Email! Dinosaurs! Washing Machines! The trams of Sheffield! Vegetarian Cheese! It's a string of epiphanies every day That's my philosophy, although some might say (or suggest) That I am Easily Impressed Oh yeah yeah yeah, yes YES Easily Impressed (Oi! Hibbett!) How may I help you? (You don't really mean that) Well, I'm afraid I do, you see Given the chance to choose or pick Between despairing of life or taking delight in it I'll take the latter Because it makes me happy And surely that's what it's all about? The wonders of the world Be it mountains or taking a taxi Childbirth or real draught bitter in a can Love or microwaved popcorn Oh yeah yeah yeah, yes YES. I guess I'm Easily Impressed Oh yeah yeah yeah, yes YES Easily Impressed
7.
I have never learnt to drive a vehicle I reckon how hard can it be? And I've never took the time It takes to learn to fly I'll work it out if there's ever a need Flemish is a language I can't chat in I'll learn it if I'm ever off to Brugges And similarly I cannot speak Latin I have had much better things to do Like walking in the park with you And talking in the dark with you These have been much better things to do Better things to do Well I've no idea how to route a network I've got no way to know which routers what And I've not been on a course To learn to program C++ I frankly could not give a toss for DOS And I'll drink whatever wine's put on the table With vineyards I find I've not got a clue And I'll rarely even read what's on the label I have got much better things to do Like watching DVDs with you And drinking cups of tea with you These have been much better things to do Better things to do La la la la la I could not be arsed To write some words to put into this part So la la la la la Better things to do Day dreaming in another dreary meeting I caught a glimpse of 2109 Where a grateful nation's wired up for hearing The final thoughts of their President For Life Someone said Lord Hibbett, do you have regrets, sir? I said yes I guess I must have had a few I'd've liked to ride more trams But otherwise Je Ne Regrette Riens I must have had much better things to do Like waking up at last with you And making time fly fast with you These have been much better things to do Better things to do Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
8.
In Peterborough was where I was raised And in my bedroom was where I spent most of my days On a ZX Spectrum, as I've previously mentioned So I did my 'A' Levels and I moved to Leicester Well, I met a few people, I made a few friends And this is the story about one of them So come with me now on a journey through time To when he moved to London, near the Northern Line I was going down to Balham When somebody said Let's go to Clapham And see the Gay Pride Festival there I got on the underground Didn't really understand The scene I'd see before me down there And there were lesbians to the left of me A gay choir to the right And two terrified tourists quivering with fright On the Gay Train On the Gay Train, in 1994 The carriage guard looked very frightened He wasn't being quite as enlightened As I was trying to be With Liberalism writ on my face Looking very hetero, just in case But no-one even tried to get off with me And there were lesbians to the left of me A gay choir to the right And two terrified tourists quivering with fright On the Gay Train On the Gay Train, in 1994 Then they let off all these balloons Each representing someone who They knew who had died of AIDS Everybody stopped acting quite so camp And I remember thinking to myself that that Was the most moving thing I'd seen all day And there were lesbians to the left of me A gay choir to the right And this terrified tourist suddenly felt all right On the Gay Train On the Gay Train, in 1994 As my mate Mileage's Dad would say It doesn't really matter if you're straight or gay All that matters is love And it's all love
9.
Morrisey, Marr and Barlow changed my life They made the kind of music that I said I didn't like Then one day I realised that I did Watching Take That, in fact, performing at The Brits Hearing Back For Good the first time I thought From now on, in life, I'll Like the things I like with an open heart The Krazy World Of Rock's an easy place to start From here on in I'll base my judgements not on baggage but on art And from that day a voice in my head Has come to me in times of doubt and said Remember the lesson of Take That If a pile of pillocks pretend to like it, doesn't mean it's crap And remember the lesson of The Smiths Just because a bunch of wankers like it, doesn't mean that it's shit You see, I didn't have that great a time in my later years at school I didn't really like anyone, least of all the kids who were cool I had to hate their music, and therefore The Smiths became the epitome of all that I abhorred But in later years, at Indie Discos, with jumper stretched and specs akimbo All I lacked was a quiff and a pocket of daffs I could have seen them playing live, but alas They split before my foolish pride decided not to be so daft And when I contemplate the great mistake I made A little voice pipes up to say Remember the lesson of The Smiths Just because a bunch of wankers like it, doesn't mean that it's shit And remember the lesson of Take That If a pile of pillocks pretend to like it, doesn't mean it's crap Now, I went out walking on a walk against a war And I noticed many banners had seen many walks before The usual cliques of Marxo-Anarchistic sods Who'll try to kidnap any demonstration, relevant or not Well I got so peeved I moved to leave when suddenly I heard A little voice inside me saying Hibbett, don't be such a berk Look beyond the gits and hippies and you'll see Two million people marching for something they believe So what if there's a thousand fuckwits here? Peace and love is still a bloody good idea And remember the lesson of Take That If a pile of pillocks pretend to like it, doesn't mean it's crap And remember the lesson of The Smiths Just because a bunch of wankers like it, doesn't mean that it's shit Oh yes, if you're dismissing things because they're in with some other crowd You will be the one who's missing out Don't wait for a retrospective, come on, get into it now Or you will be the one who's missing out Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
10.
Martin works in Mark's and Spencers Sharon stocks up cash dispensers Mary married a man who hears Voices in his head Your mate Brian knocks down buildings Sean and Sally had six children I'm ensconced in academia And you, you're still in bed But do you remember when we'd go to town Meet our friends and hang around And talk about what we'd like to be? We slowly went our separate ways Meeting up on holidays To talk about the way it used to be Our headmaster's back in prison Peter plays for the first division No-one's heard from Fred Sexy Sadie's put on weight Michael's working in Kuwait Billy Jones is dead And do you remember when we'd go to town Meet our friends and hang around And talk about what we'd like to be? We slowly went our separate ways Meeting up on holidays To talk about the way it used to be You said that you'd be famous and drive a flashy car I thought that I would be the first man on Mars But you couldn't pay your insurance and had to sell your guitar And I'm stuck in the Midlands I guess I didn't get too far No I didn't get too far No I didn't get too far But do you remember when we'd go to town Meet our friends and hang around And talk about what we'd like to be? We slowly went our separate ways Meeting up on holidays To talk about the way it used to be Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing/Copyright Control
11.
I'm standing on the corner getting beaten up By the kids from the year above Finding out that smart remarks Don't help to mop up blood And when they've finally tired of this And they've all gone away Someone comes and helps me up And quietly says Leave my brother alone Leave my brother alone" He says "Mark, if I was older And if I had my bike I would cycle after them And challenge them to a fight" I said "James, don't you worry yourself It's really quite all right Sometimes it's enough to know There's someone on your side who'll say Leave my brother alone Leave my brother alone" Fast-forward fifteen years And we're talking on the phone About his stupid bint ex-girlfriend Who has left him on his own In the house they bought together While she's out seeing other men She's got the nerve to wonder why They can't still be friends, and I thought Leave my brother alone Leave my brother alone I said "James, if I had a car And if I could even drive I'd dash straight up the M69 And give her a piece of my mind" He said "Mark, don't you worry yourself It's really quite all right Sometimes it's enough to know There's someone on your side who'll say Leave my brother alone Leave my brother alone Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
12.
Like Black Bolt with a cob on You sit there in a sulk While everybody else is down the pub If you think your time's spent better Doing research in your room You are not Mr Fantastic, you're Doctor Doom So Victor, just for you Here's a universal truth Being happy doesn't make you stupid Being clever shouldn't make you sad Having fun will never turn you daft Do you believe sarcastic sneering Is the best way to react To a rotten world only you understand? If the planet's all that awful Then don't you think you should Try and use your mighty power for good? It doesn't take a Cosmic Cube To see that what I say is true Being happy doesn't make you stupid Being clever shouldn't make you sad Having fun will never turn you daft Put this message in a bottle Send that bottle back through time I know someone who could use this advice Hey there Emo Boy give us all a smile Hey there Emo Boy give us all a smile Hey there Emo Boy give us all a smile Hey there Emo Boy give us all a smile Being happy doesn't make you stupid Being clever shouldn't make you sad Having fun will never turn you daft We spend all our lives trapped inside A prison made of bone The sound of laughter says we're not alone We're not alone Don't be alone You're not alone Being happy doesn't make you stupid Being clever shouldn't make you sad Having fun will never turn you daft Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
13.
At the height of Britpop I found myself in France I went to an Indie Disco There to dance The French were enthusiastic They served the beer in pints But they partied like it was 1959 They frugged and strutted like Un jardin du poulets I said Regardez Ecoutez et repetez Hands behind your back And bounce your hips Move your feet around And do the Indie Kid At weddings that I go to The first hour of the DJ's set Is when they play the songs that The groom requests At Mileage's reception There was a small dancing hardcore Of old schoolfriends until My parents took to the floor They started twisting to The Pixies I could have died I said Mother, if you must Please do it right Hands behind your back And bounce your hips Move your feet around And do the Indie Kid I was chatting to a colleague About LINUX for PCs And spent the next five hundred Years asleep When I woke the world had altered Especially for The Kids In that the radio Played songs that went like this (AVANT JAZZ FREAKOUT) They leapt around like Milkmen on a motorway They needed someone hep To show the way So I said 'Hey!' Hands behind your back And bounce your hips Move your feet around And do the Indie Kid Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
14.
My boss was in an indie band once He's still got his paisley shirt He reckons that the ethics of punk Can be applied to the world of work My boss was in an indie band once He's still kicking out the jams He says Here are three bullet points Go and form a Business Plan Because my boss was in an indie band once Yes he was He was – yes he was My boss was in an indie band once He never sold his bass It's in the attic with a box of his singles And the master tapes My boss was in an indie band once And when he started working here It was meant to be a temporary gig While he reassessed his Rock Career My boss was in an indie band once Yes he was He was – yes he was Then he got a message on his MySpace from a girl in Kyoto She's a lifelong fan and her record label wanted to know If he's still got the master tapes, they want to do a re-release Turns out he's got a cult following out there in the Far East He was pleased To say the least My boss is in an indie band now He's got a brand new band They're twenty years younger than he is And they're on tour in Japan My boss is in an indie band now And while he's got time off They've asked if I wouldn't mind Acting up to do his job Now I'm the one who was In an indie band once Yes I was - I've played the Bull & Gate I was, yes I was - Nigel Blackwell knows my name I was, yes I was - I've met that Steve Lamacq I was, yes I was - And one day I'll be back I was in an indie band once Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
15.
The phone rings nine times Before he says 'Yes' She's got a problem with Internet Explorer And he's the Computer Desk He waits and takes the lift to her floor and says 'Show me the problem then' She's mildly mortified to find That everything's working again She flushes bright pink, which he thinks is wonderful She feels like such a fool and so she says It only works because you're here Before you came it was broken It only works because you're here You've got my windows to open Weeks pass and that's that Until he gets in late one day To see she's been and posted a Post-It Note onto his screen that says 'Could you pop up when you've got a minute?' He runs up five flights of stairs To find her computer rebooting And main site IT guy sat in her chair He's red-faced and out of breath, which she thinks is wonderful She knows he wanted to help her and so she says It only works because you're here Before you came it was broken It only works because you're here You've got my windows to open So he pops in to see her when he's passing And also when he's not She's fairly sure that he feels something for her But she can't say exactly what He's nervous and he's shy And that's part of the reason why She likes him But the vague chance of romance is not enough Reason for her to stay He can't believe it when he hears that she's leaving From her whip-round wielding PA There's not enough room on the card to fit All the words that burn in his heart She's leaving It's horrible - he doesn't know what to do Until at her leaving do he puts his hand to his heart and he says It only works because you're here Before you came it was broken It only works because you're here You've got my windows to open She says 'Well you've left it a bit bloody late' 'So let's not waste time now - I think you're GRATE' They kiss, crowd cheers Main site IT guy goes home in a flood of tears Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
16.
Dinosaur Planet! (ah-oo, ah-oo, ah-oo) Dinosaur Planet! (ah-oo) Dinosaur Planet! (ah-oo, ah-oo, ah-oo) Dinosaur Planet! ( ah-oo) Sixty five million years ago they disappeared Now the dinosaurs are back The human race must learn to live in fear The earth is under attack From the Dinosaur Planet (ah-oo, ah-oo, ah-oo) Dinosaur Planet (ah-oo) Dinosaur Planet (ah-oo, ah-oo, ah-oo) Dinosaur Planet (ah-oo) They do not come in peace, they come in hate Let non-saurons beware But is there something that they're running from? What could make a Tyrannosaur scared? On the Dinosaur Planet (ah-oo, ah-oo, ah-oo) Dinosaur Planet (ah-oo) Dinosaur Planet (ah-oo, ah-oo, ah-oo) Dinosaur Planet (ah-oo) But could a crazy kind of love exist Between a human and velociraptor? Or might it only take one small kiss To turn that cold cold blood to warm? All it needs is someone brave enough To go where only love can go To hold out the hand of peace and say... "No! No! No! Mercy!" Clearly not. On the… Dinosaur Planet! (ah-oo, ah-oo, ah-oo) Dinosaur Planet! (ah-oo) Dinosaur Planet! (ah-oo, ah-oo, ah-oo) Dinosaur Planet! ( ah-oo)
17.
A Little Bit 02:36
They had it easy in the renaissance They could invent new branches of science over lunch But nowadays we work more incrementally No-one's naming any new elements after us Because we all do a little bit, that's how we do research There's teams all round the world doing these little bits of work We only do a little bit but it's always for the best Every great leap forward takes a lot of little steps And no, it isn't very glamorous We won't make a world-shattering breakthrough We might find an explanation for gravitic oscillation But I somehow doubt you'll hear it on the news Because we all do a little bit but it’s a little bit of good And compared to working for a bank that little bit's enough We only do a little bit but when you put them in a pot All these little bits together turn into a lot Like the movement of tectonic plates That slowly change the planet Like the tiny grains of sand that swallow cities Like the mountains moved by rain drops Or the jungle moved by ants That's why my thesis isn't finished Some people think that they can save the world all by themselves But all of history's heroes had a little bit of help Robin Hood had Merry Men, King Arthur had all of his knights Even Batman had a butler to help him iron his tights So if you do a little bit don't be belittled by Those who do a lot of nothing that's in any way worthwhile Let's all get on with our little bits and let's take a little pride Knowing we are all a little bit of the future of mankind Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
18.
Learn another language Do a bungee jump Sort out your pension And love like nobody's ever loved Swim with dolphins Have a business of your own Write a novel Climb Mount Kilimanjaro If you're under thirty Lucky you But I'd suggest your time's best spent Not trying to improve With 20 Things To Do Before You're 30 What a crock of shit 20 Things To Do Before You're 30 Here's a better bucket list Smoke bananas Fall asleep on a train Get so drunk that you Hallucinate Go out with someone awful Be friends with gits Dye your hair, shave your head, Go for lunch and come back pissed Go to house parties Get into debt Take laxatives to try and lose weight Smoke cigarettes in bed 20 Things To Do Before You're 30 This is not a plan 20 Things To Do Before You're 30 Options, not demands Experiment with chilli sauce Grow a beard Wear a long black leather jacket And pretend that you are weird Set fire to the oven Forget to do Christmas cards Drink cocktails, go to Launderettes And pay for milk with a credit card 'Cause when you're well past 30 And you look back You don't want to be thinking how cool you were You want to think "What a twat!" 20 Things To Do Before You're 30 This is not advice 20 Things To Do Before You're 30 'Cause in later life You'll be busy eating shortbread And collecting Allen Keys If you're wide awake at 4am You'll be going for a wee You'll live in mortal fear Of having to buy shoes If you're seeing something at 10pm It'll be the news But whatever happens You can relax Safe in the knowledge that you don't have to do Any of the crap Of 20 Things To Do Before You're 30 No thanks, you're all right 20 Things To Do Before You're 30 No longer apply 20 Things To Do Before You're 30 Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
19.
When you hold my hand As we leave the pub Feels like we've left Leytonstone far behind And we're walking in Hollywood And when you smile at me When I make the tea When we get back home I feel my denims rip My t-shirt shrinks And I've lost five stone 'Cause you make me want to punch the air I might look like a wazzock but I don't care Got a wind machine, amazing hair You make me feel Soft Rock Is this the 257 Or an F18? Am I on a bike at the gym Or on a silver dream machine? And when we're sorting out the shopping list Or you ring me up at lunch I hear Fenders sing And the things I think Would make Prince blush 'Cause you make me want to punch the air I might look like a wazzock but I don't care Got a wind machine, amazing hair You make me feel Soft Rock Oh baby tonight we're gonna rock We've got a half bottle of wine in the fridge And Doc Marten on the Tivo box Get the Pringles open We're gonna have a crazy night I'll do your hot water bottle We'll have whisky in bed And we'll listen to Radio 5 You make me want to punch the air I might look like a wazzock but I don't care Got a wind machine, amazing hair You make me feel - You make me want to punch the air I might look like a wazzock but I don't care Got a wind machine, amazing hair You make me feel Soft Rock Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
20.
We never won an award We never got on the news We weren't the talk of the town We never got a review No photography shoots For the cover of a fashion magazine And if you take a look in the record books You won't find me Everything that we've done Has been roundly ignored By the makers of taste And the style reports In a time yet to come When they're writing the history Of the human race, there'll be no trace Of you and me But we did it anyway We were unaware Much too busy having fun To know that no-one cared 'Cause you know, we did have some fun And we did have some laughs In fact a lot of them were The best times I ever had All the places we went Everything that we did and we said It’s amazing to think of all the dancing and drink And all the people we met And we did it anyway Just because we could If I could have that time again You know what? I bloody would! So you can stuff your awards Forget the fame and the wealth 'Cause you know I wouldn't swap This life for anything else Who needs a glowing review? Don’t bother asking for exclusive interviews I don’t need to have a lot of medals and cash When I’ve got friends like you And we'll still do it anyway Just because it’s good We don’t need the approval Of anyone We'll still do it anyway And it will be great Who cares if no-one ever knows? We’ll do it anyway We’ll do it anyway We’ll do it anyway
21.
England are a team of virtuous Saints They exercise super-human restraint Their gentlemanly conduct leaves the opposition feeling moved They'll never swear and they'll never frown They'll never ever claim that they were wrongly taken down And maybe you might say that that's the reason they always lose. But we'll get the Fair Play Trophy once again. Because it's the team that's the nicest that's the one that actually wins We want the Fair Play Trophy once again And we'll face the final in the pub with a pint and a cheesy grin. I really hope that we get through the groups If we manage that i don't care what they do If we get beat by the Belgique then you won't see me cry We could get thrashed by Holland or Spain Or get knocked out on penalties by Germany again As long as we keep that stiff upper lip flying high Then we'll get the Fair Play Trophy once again. Because it's the team that's the nicest that's the one that actually wins We want the Fair Play Trophy once again And we'll face the final in the pub with a pint and a cheesy grin. And if we get to the final and win No matter what terrible drunken state we're in We will go back to the UEFA (or whatever they're called these days) And as a Nation we will say: Give us the Fair Play Trophy once again Because it's the team that's the nicest that's the one that actually wins We want the Fair Play Trophy once again And we'll face the final in the pub with a pint and a cheesy grin Test me for banned substances! Give us a pint, give us a pint, give us a grin Give us the Fair Play Trophy once again Because it's the team that's the nicest that's the one that actually wins We want the Fair Play Trophy once again And we'll face the final in the pub with a pint and a cheesy grin We'll face the final in the pub with a pint and a cheesy grin

about

Greatest hits compilation, originally issued on cassette to celebrate 20 glorious years of validation.

credits

released May 7, 2018

All tracks written by MJ Hibbett & The Validators except
'Billy Jones Is Dead' written by MJ Hibbett / N Brown

This compilation © 2018 Artists Against Success

All tracks published by Wipeout Music except
'Billy Jones Is Dead' published by Wipeout Music /
Copyright Control

Cover photograph by James Birtwhistle

MJ Hibbett & The Validators are: MJ Hibbett (vocals, guitar), Frankie Machine (bass guitar),
Tom 'Tiger' McClure (violin), Emma Pattison (vocals) and Tim Pattison (drums).

Tracks 1 & 2 also feature Ollie Wright (bass), Dr Kneel (keyboards) and backing vocals by The Durham Ox Singers (Ann Bates, Gary Place, Thomas Amaria,
Dr Kneel, Paul Myland and David William O'Boogie).

roduced by Kev Reverb (1-6), Ivor Luddite (7-11),
Tim Pattison (12-15), Tom 'Tiger' McClure (16,17),
MJ Hibbett & The Validators (18-20).

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

MJ Hibbett & The Validators London, UK

MJ Hibbett & The Validators have performed live on Radio One, had a Record Of The Year in Rolling Stone, an Album Of The Day on 6Music, released one of the first ever viral videos, toured the UK and Europe, featured in an Edinburgh Fringe Festival show, and recorded a science fiction rock opera, all while maintaining their complete independence from outside record labels. ... more

contact / help

Contact MJ Hibbett & The Validators

Streaming and
Download help

Redeem code

Report this album or account

MJ Hibbett & The Validators recommends:

If you like MJ Hibbett & The Validators, you may also like: