20 Golden GRATES

by MJ Hibbett & The Validators

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Flint A ridiculously charming collection of feel-good, quintessentially British indie pop with a great deal of classic melodies and a ton of heart. Favorite track: Hey Hey 16K.
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about

Greatest hits compilation, originally issued on cassette to celebrate 20 glorious years of validation.

credits

released May 7, 2018

All tracks written by MJ Hibbett & The Validators except
'Billy Jones Is Dead' written by MJ Hibbett / N Brown

This compilation © 2018 Artists Against Success

All tracks published by Wipeout Music except
'Billy Jones Is Dead' published by Wipeout Music /
Copyright Control

Cover photograph by James Birtwhistle

MJ Hibbett & The Validators are: MJ Hibbett (vocals, guitar), Frankie Machine (bass guitar),
Tom 'Tiger' McClure (violin), Emma Pattison (vocals) and Tim Pattison (drums).

Tracks 1 & 2 also feature Ollie Wright (bass), Dr Kneel (keyboards) and backing vocals by The Durham Ox Singers (Ann Bates, Gary Place, Thomas Amaria,
Dr Kneel, Paul Myland and David William O'Boogie).

roduced by Kev Reverb (1-6), Ivor Luddite (7-11),
Tim Pattison (12-15), Tom 'Tiger' McClure (16,17),
MJ Hibbett & The Validators (18-20).

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all rights reserved

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MJ Hibbett & The Validators UK

MJ Hibbett & The Validators have performed live on Radio One, had a Record Of The Year in Rolling Stone, an Album Of The Day on 6Music, released one of the first ever viral videos, toured the UK and Europe, featured in an Edinburgh Fringe Festival show, and recorded a science fiction rock opera, all while maintaining their complete independence from outside record labels. ... more

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Track Name: Hey Hey 16K
We bought it to help with your homework
We bought it to help with your homework
And the household accounts
If your dad ever works it all out

Lunchtimes in the library writing down the pokes and peeks
Copying an access code, get a taste for home taping
Fetishists of map-making
Rubber keys and rotten leads, rand and run and load and screens
Then five minutes fingers crossed hoping not to witness the terror
Of R: Tape Loading Error

We bought it to help with your homework
We bought it to help with your homework
And the household accounts
If your dad ever works it all out

ZX spectrum 81, dragon vic and oric1
Commodore 64, amstrad and an acorn electorn
Cheaper BBC micro
Jet set willy, sabre wulf, lords of midnight, underwurlde
Dark star, transam, ant attak
And of course, manic miner
The hobbit and knight lore and elite

It made a generation who can code
A bubble before proper consoles, who all know
That the games you get today, may be very flash
But there'll never beat the thrill
Of getting through Jetpac

Hey Hey, 16K, What does that get you these days?
You need more than that for a letter
Old Skool Ram Paks are much better.

Personal Computer Games, Your Sinclair, 16K
Kempston Competition Pro, Crash and Cursor Keys and GO TO
Dixons and bother Saturday staff with loops that never end

We bought it to help with your homework
We bought it to help with your homework
And the household accounts
If your dad ever works it all out

Hey Hey, 16K, What does that get you these days?
You need more than that for a letter
Old Skool Ram Paks are much better.

For n=0 to 2
Those were the days
Next n


Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
Track Name: Payday Is The Best Day
Oh how i long for the last working day of the month
That's when i get paid
I get my money out all in one go
So i can roll around in what i've made
I spend my money fast before it all runs out
I've no idea where it all goes
But while it's there i'll get a chinese takeaway
Some records some books and some clothes

Because payday is the best day of all
It's the best day of all
It's the best day of all
It's like a three day festival

All of my friends seem to bank with the Co-op
But i prefer to stick with Barclays
I like a bank that doesn't hide the fact
That they're a bunch of money-grubbing bloody nazi's
When i was a student they gave me the hassle
Because i never ever had no bread
But now they kiss my derriere because they're well aware
That every month i'll be back in the red

Because payday is the best day of all
It's the best day of all
It's the best day of all
It's like a three day festival

I know it's not efficient, I know I should be thinking of the future
I know I should save
But what's the point of that when We could all be dead tomorrow
You can't take a TESSA to the grave
I'd rather have a week of decadence, two weeks of being all right
And then put up with week of pain
Because if you spread your cash across the course of the month
You miss out on the joys of Payday

Because payday is the best day of all
It's the best day of all
It's the best day of all
It's like a three day festival

Spend when you can
When you can't get your card and flex it.


Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
Track Name: Born With The Century
Born with the century he joined the armoury
Came under fire under-age on the Somme
Lost his virginity somewhere in Brittany
On his way home from first leave from the front

Married at twenty to a girl that he hardly knew
She bore him children but bored him to death
Divorce wasn't common then, she saw other men
He was no angel. The village was shocked

During the thirties he couldn't find work
He went with the Communists to fight in Spain
When he got back he found his wife had drowned
Entwined with a publican beneath a lake

In 1945 their eldest daughter died
Only two months before VE day
At the street parties he met his new partner
They had a daughter, they called her Isabelle May

It was like fatherhood for the first time
His life flew by
Suddenly she was a woman and he was sixty five
It was time to retire

In 1972 she moved into a squat
With some chap who did lights for The Who
He told his daughter he'd always support her
But his wife knew that he did not approve

So when he was eighty he took him to lunch
For a man to man chat in an old country pub
He asked him to grant him his daughter's hand
In marriage and he was really quite touched

He wasn't so pleased when they moved to Austalia
Postcards from grandchildren just weren't the same
During the miners' strike he joined the picket lines
"Bolshevik Grandad" said The Daily Mail

It was like feeling pain for the first time
When his wife died
Suddenly he was alone, feeling old and very tired
A man who never cried

During the last years of his life he Tried to get in touch with the children from his first marriage, but after years of neglect they did not want to know
Isabelle helped with the bills and he tried to get by but in the end they decided he'd have to be moved into a home

He spent his last days descending to death
In a chair by the wall in a room streaked with piss
And when he died his whole life flashed before his eyes
His last thought was "How did all that lead down to this?"

Fought in the First War and married too young
Fought for democracy and lost a wife
Lost a child, found a wife, found a meaning to life
Never saw all his grandchildren, died a radical
But in the end he was just some old man

Born with the century


Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
Track Name: Things'll Be Different (
When Blur took what they thought to be the completed version of "Modern Life Is Rubbish" in to their record company they were told to go away and write some HITS. Damon Albarn went away that night and wrote "Chemical World" and "For Tomorrow", both of which went on the album and came out as singles.

I don't know why, but I've always liked this story and wanted to do the same. Similarly I love the idea that when people said to Martin Carr "Go on, write a hit record!" he said "Right! I bloody will!" and wrote "Wake Up Boo". THUS when the rest of The Validators thought we had finished this album it was almost inevitable that I would tell MYSELF to go and write some more songs, then make THEM record them. There was a large BLOCK of songs written during the GRATE SONG BUNG DEBUNGING of October 30th 2001 (see "Further Information" for details), but this one was written specifically to be the Extra Hit on the album. Just because I am a Grown Up doesn't mean I can't fall PREY to Rock Star Fantasies every now and again.

It was written in June 2002 (after five months of writing no songs, and followed by over six months of not writing any more) after reading a Julie Burchill article about how people who DO the Actual Work get paid a fraction of the amount paid to the people who try to sell it to you. In a roundabout way that drove me round to thinking about how DJs are LAUDED far more for putting a slab of vinyl on a turntable than the people who MADE the damn music in the first place, and the song EVOLVED from there.

The title, like so very many of my song titles, was something that, at the time, I went around saying a LOT, and seemed to be the sort of thing OTHER people might enjoy going around saying (c.f. "You Will Be Hearing From My Solicitor", "Everything's Turning Out All Right", "One Last Party" etc etc), in fact most of the lyrics were things I went around saying a LOT, except for that idea about improving A&E, which Charlotte was going around saying a LOT. Credit where it's due! The chorus was always meant to be a SOFT ROCK exercise, but I can never get my guitar to make SOFT ROCK noises, which I guess is just as well really. Meanwhile, the call and response bit in the middle is, like the bit in "Easily Impressed", me trying to build HOOKS into the songs for the audience to join in with. If it's good enough for Young People's Rap Musicians, it's good enough for me!

The recording was pretty easy, I seem to recall - I told Tim i'd like it "Motowny" (and OH! if only those pioneers knew how OFT their name would be taken in vain in this fashion!) and Tim played it in the very un-Motowny but very TIM way he always does when I say that. I'd also made a demo of the song which featured a rather nice bass line left over from "It Could Have Been Me", which we'd tried out a few times but never got anywhere with, and HANDILY The Mighty Rhythmn Section took that and IMPROVED it immeasurably. Well done everyone! Similarly Emma took my rather STRANGULATED idea for backing vocals and made them GOOD, and Tom managed to translate my DIRECTIONS (waving my arms about going "Like chalk on a blackboard! But DISCO!") into the strings you hear before you now.

Once it was recorded it seemed fairly obvious to me that it should begin the album, and I originally intended to stick a HIDEOUS GUITAR SOLO on at the start, because I LIKE that sort of thing. However, by the time we got round to doing this I'd moved to London and really couldn't be arsed to somehow collect Rob's guitar from Derby (I don't have my own electrical guitar) just to record 20 seconds of YOWLING, so instead borrowed a KORG from Kev. You can't necessarily HEAR the result without concentrating, but it makes ALL the difference I reckon.
lyrics
From Dylan down to Guthrie, Bobby G and Billy Bragg
When a Singer takes Positions, someone's always bound to ask
You've complained about the way the world is run, but tell me this -
What's your answer to the problems of the world in which we live?
And the trouble is they've rarely got as far as formulating
Any policies for working on a day to daily basis
So distract the hack's attention with a hint that they do drugs
Or be so boring they'll ignore it, but I won't do that because

Things'll be different, Things'll be different
Things'll be different when I am in Charge
(when i am in charge)
Things'll be different
Things'll be different when I am in Charge

I'll renationalise the railways and I'll flog the fools in charge
I'll renationalise the post office but privatise the arts
Because if Opera is unpopular I see no reason why
An anochronistic art form should not be allowed to die
DJs will be taxed until there is no earthly way
They can earn more money than the bands whose records they all play
I'll disown the National Anthem, have Jerusalem instead
Give Independence to the English from the London Media Set

Things'll be different, Things'll be different
Things'll be different when I am in Charge
(when i am in charge)
Things'll be different
Things'll be different when I am in Charge

MJ Hibbett & The Validators say - This Is Not A Library!
MJ Hibbett & The Validators say - This Is Not A Library!
MJ Hibbett & The Validators say - This Is Not A Library!
MJ Hibbett & The Validators say - This Is Not A Library!

I will raise the wage of teachers (except those who teach PE)
And I will push a pile of cash into Improving A&E
Organic Farmers are the only ones who will get grants
And we'll be going into Europe with a Euro in our hands
Elect the House of Lords directly using STV
And have Re-Open Nominations on the ballots for MPs
The Church of England will be Disestablished and then we
Will embark upon a process very similar viz. the Queen

Things'll be different, Things'll be different
Things'll be different when I am in Charge
(when i am in charge)
Things'll be different
Things'll be different when I am in Charge
Track Name: You Will Be Hearing From My Solicitor
You said when i walked out that door
You could not continue to live
But on further investigation
It turns out that's a fib
You said that you would shuffle off this mortal coil
It hasn't happened yet
And like a fool i went and believed
Every stupid word you said

Well, you will be hearing from my solicitor

I'm gonna sue the sorry ass off you
And when i'm through you won't be able to sit down

You said that you would lay down and die
Which you've manifestly failed to do
You said that you would never love again
But it seems that that's not true
And i felt really guilty
I need not have so done
Cos worst of all, you're getting some again
And i am getting none

Well, you will be hearing from my solicitor

I'm gonna sue the sorry ass off you
And when i'm through you won't be able to sit down
Track Name: Easily Impressed
When I buy a pint of milk on the way home from work
I think "I bought that with the money I earnt"
"Working all week long in a job I like"
And it leads me to think about my whole life
Like the friends I've got and the flat I have
And the fact that I am acting like a full-grown man
And the best thing about this Babylon I've built
Is that I got it all out of a pint of milk

And I guess
That I am Easily Impressed
Oh Yeah yeah yeah, yes YES
Easily Impressed

I like a posh cup of coffee with a plastic spout
The ease of navigation of the London Underground
A Remington Strimmer for a hairy nose
The futuristic possibilities of Mobile Phones
Email! Dinosaurs! Washing Machines!
The trams of Sheffield! Vegetarian Cheese!
It's a string of epiphanies every day
That's my philosophy, although some might say (or suggest)

That I am Easily Impressed
Oh yeah yeah yeah, yes YES
Easily Impressed

(Oi! Hibbett!)
How may I help you?
(You don't really mean that)
Well, I'm afraid I do, you see
Given the chance to choose or pick
Between despairing of life or taking delight in it
I'll take the latter
Because it makes me happy
And surely that's what it's all about?
The wonders of the world
Be it mountains or taking a taxi
Childbirth or real draught bitter in a can
Love or microwaved popcorn
Oh yeah yeah yeah, yes YES.
I guess I'm Easily Impressed
Oh yeah yeah yeah, yes YES
Easily Impressed
Track Name: Better Things To Do
I have never learnt to drive a vehicle
I reckon how hard can it be?
And I've never took the time
It takes to learn to fly
I'll work it out if there's ever a need

Flemish is a language I can't chat in
I'll learn it if I'm ever off to Brugges
And similarly I cannot speak Latin
I have had much better things to do

Like walking in the park with you
And talking in the dark with you
These have been much better things to do
Better things to do

Well I've no idea how to route a network
I've got no way to know which routers what
And I've not been on a course
To learn to program C++
I frankly could not give a toss for DOS

And I'll drink whatever wine's put on the table
With vineyards I find I've not got a clue
And I'll rarely even read what's on the label
I have got much better things to do

Like watching DVDs with you
And drinking cups of tea with you
These have been much better things to do
Better things to do

La la la la la
I could not be arsed
To write some words to put into this part
So la la la la la
Better things to do

Day dreaming in another dreary meeting
I caught a glimpse of 2109
Where a grateful nation's wired up for hearing
The final thoughts of their President For Life

Someone said Lord Hibbett, do you have regrets, sir?
I said yes I guess I must have had a few
I'd've liked to ride more trams
But otherwise Je Ne Regrette Riens
I must have had much better things to do

Like waking up at last with you
And making time fly fast with you
These have been much better things to do
Better things to do


Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
Track Name: The Gay Train
In Peterborough was where I was raised
And in my bedroom was where I spent most of my days
On a ZX Spectrum, as I've previously mentioned
So I did my 'A' Levels and I moved to Leicester
Well, I met a few people, I made a few friends
And this is the story about one of them
So come with me now on a journey through time
To when he moved to London, near the Northern Line

I was going down to Balham
When somebody said Let's go to Clapham
And see the Gay Pride Festival there
I got on the underground
Didn't really understand
The scene I'd see before me down there

And there were lesbians to the left of me
A gay choir to the right
And two terrified tourists quivering with fright
On the Gay Train
On the Gay Train, in 1994

The carriage guard looked very frightened
He wasn't being quite as enlightened
As I was trying to be
With Liberalism writ on my face
Looking very hetero, just in case
But no-one even tried to get off with me

And there were lesbians to the left of me
A gay choir to the right
And two terrified tourists quivering with fright
On the Gay Train
On the Gay Train, in 1994

Then they let off all these balloons
Each representing someone who
They knew who had died of AIDS
Everybody stopped acting quite so camp
And I remember thinking to myself that that
Was the most moving thing I'd seen all day

And there were lesbians to the left of me
A gay choir to the right
And this terrified tourist suddenly felt all right
On the Gay Train
On the Gay Train, in 1994

As my mate Mileage's Dad would say
It doesn't really matter if you're straight or gay
All that matters is love
And it's all love
Track Name: The Lesson Of The Smiths
Morrisey, Marr and Barlow changed my life
They made the kind of music that I said I didn't like
Then one day I realised that I did
Watching Take That, in fact, performing at The Brits
Hearing Back For Good the first time
I thought From now on, in life, I'll
Like the things I like with an open heart
The Krazy World Of Rock's an easy place to start
From here on in I'll base my judgements not on baggage but on art
And from that day a voice in my head
Has come to me in times of doubt and said

Remember the lesson of Take That
If a pile of pillocks pretend to like it, doesn't mean it's crap
And remember the lesson of The Smiths
Just because a bunch of wankers like it, doesn't mean that it's shit

You see, I didn't have that great a time in my later years at school
I didn't really like anyone, least of all the kids who were cool
I had to hate their music, and therefore
The Smiths became the epitome of all that I abhorred
But in later years, at Indie Discos, with jumper stretched and specs akimbo
All I lacked was a quiff and a pocket of daffs
I could have seen them playing live, but alas
They split before my foolish pride decided not to be so daft
And when I contemplate the great mistake I made
A little voice pipes up to say

Remember the lesson of The Smiths
Just because a bunch of wankers like it, doesn't mean that it's shit
And remember the lesson of Take That
If a pile of pillocks pretend to like it, doesn't mean it's crap

Now, I went out walking on a walk against a war
And I noticed many banners had seen many walks before
The usual cliques of Marxo-Anarchistic sods
Who'll try to kidnap any demonstration, relevant or not
Well I got so peeved I moved to leave when suddenly I heard
A little voice inside me saying Hibbett, don't be such a berk
Look beyond the gits and hippies and you'll see
Two million people marching for something they believe

So what if there's a thousand fuckwits here?
Peace and love is still a bloody good idea

And remember the lesson of Take That
If a pile of pillocks pretend to like it, doesn't mean it's crap
And remember the lesson of The Smiths
Just because a bunch of wankers like it, doesn't mean that it's shit

Oh yes, if you're dismissing things because they're in with some other crowd
You will be the one who's missing out
Don't wait for a retrospective, come on, get into it now
Or you will be the one who's missing out


Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
Track Name: Billy Jones Is Dead
Martin works in Mark's and Spencers
Sharon stocks up cash dispensers
Mary married a man who hears
Voices in his head
Your mate Brian knocks down buildings
Sean and Sally had six children
I'm ensconced in academia
And you, you're still in bed

But do you remember when we'd go to town
Meet our friends and hang around
And talk about what we'd like to be?
We slowly went our separate ways
Meeting up on holidays
To talk about the way it used to be

Our headmaster's back in prison
Peter plays for the first division
No-one's heard from Fred
Sexy Sadie's put on weight
Michael's working in Kuwait
Billy Jones is dead

And do you remember when we'd go to town
Meet our friends and hang around
And talk about what we'd like to be?
We slowly went our separate ways
Meeting up on holidays
To talk about the way it used to be

You said that you'd be famous and drive a flashy car
I thought that I would be the first man on Mars
But you couldn't pay your insurance and had to sell your guitar
And I'm stuck in the Midlands
I guess I didn't get too far
No I didn't get too far
No I didn't get too far

But do you remember when we'd go to town
Meet our friends and hang around
And talk about what we'd like to be?
We slowly went our separate ways
Meeting up on holidays
To talk about the way it used to be

Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing/Copyright Control
Track Name: Leave My Brother Alone
I'm standing on the corner getting beaten up
By the kids from the year above
Finding out that smart remarks
Don't help to mop up blood
And when they've finally tired of this
And they've all gone away
Someone comes and helps me up
And quietly says

Leave my brother alone
Leave my brother alone"

He says "Mark, if I was older
And if I had my bike
I would cycle after them
And challenge them to a fight"
I said "James, don't you worry yourself
It's really quite all right
Sometimes it's enough to know
There's someone on your side who'll say

Leave my brother alone
Leave my brother alone"

Fast-forward fifteen years
And we're talking on the phone
About his stupid bint ex-girlfriend
Who has left him on his own
In the house they bought together
While she's out seeing other men
She's got the nerve to wonder why
They can't still be friends, and I thought

Leave my brother alone
Leave my brother alone

I said "James, if I had a car
And if I could even drive
I'd dash straight up the M69
And give her a piece of my mind"
He said "Mark, don't you worry yourself
It's really quite all right
Sometimes it's enough to know
There's someone on your side who'll say

Leave my brother alone
Leave my brother alone


Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
Track Name: Being Happy Doesn't Make You Stupid
Like Black Bolt with a cob on
You sit there in a sulk
While everybody else is down the pub
If you think your time's spent better
Doing research in your room
You are not Mr Fantastic, you're Doctor Doom
So Victor, just for you
Here's a universal truth

Being happy doesn't make you stupid
Being clever shouldn't make you sad
Having fun will never turn you daft

Do you believe sarcastic sneering
Is the best way to react
To a rotten world only you understand?
If the planet's all that awful
Then don't you think you should
Try and use your mighty power for good?
It doesn't take a Cosmic Cube
To see that what I say is true

Being happy doesn't make you stupid
Being clever shouldn't make you sad
Having fun will never turn you daft

Put this message in a bottle
Send that bottle back through time
I know someone who could use this advice
Hey there Emo Boy give us all a smile
Hey there Emo Boy give us all a smile
Hey there Emo Boy give us all a smile
Hey there Emo Boy give us all a smile

Being happy doesn't make you stupid
Being clever shouldn't make you sad
Having fun will never turn you daft

We spend all our lives trapped inside
A prison made of bone
The sound of laughter says we're not alone
We're not alone
Don't be alone
You're not alone

Being happy doesn't make you stupid
Being clever shouldn't make you sad
Having fun will never turn you daft

Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
Track Name: Do The Indie Kid
At the height of Britpop
I found myself in France
I went to an Indie Disco
There to dance
The French were enthusiastic
They served the beer in pints
But they partied like it was
1959
They frugged and strutted like
Un jardin du poulets
I said Regardez
Ecoutez et repetez

Hands behind your back
And bounce your hips
Move your feet around
And do the Indie Kid

At weddings that I go to
The first hour of the DJ's set
Is when they play the songs that
The groom requests
At Mileage's reception
There was a small dancing hardcore
Of old schoolfriends until
My parents took to the floor
They started twisting to The Pixies
I could have died
I said Mother, if you must
Please do it right

Hands behind your back
And bounce your hips
Move your feet around
And do the Indie Kid

I was chatting to a colleague
About LINUX for PCs
And spent the next five hundred
Years asleep
When I woke the world had altered
Especially for The Kids
In that the radio
Played songs that went like this

(AVANT JAZZ FREAKOUT)

They leapt around like
Milkmen on a motorway
They needed someone hep
To show the way
So I said 'Hey!'

Hands behind your back
And bounce your hips
Move your feet around
And do the Indie Kid


Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
Track Name: My Boss Was In An Indie Band Once
My boss was in an indie band once
He's still got his paisley shirt
He reckons that the ethics of punk
Can be applied to the world of work
My boss was in an indie band once
He's still kicking out the jams
He says Here are three bullet points
Go and form a Business Plan
Because my boss was in an indie band once
Yes he was
He was – yes he was

My boss was in an indie band once
He never sold his bass
It's in the attic with a box of his singles
And the master tapes
My boss was in an indie band once
And when he started working here
It was meant to be a temporary gig
While he reassessed his Rock Career
My boss was in an indie band once
Yes he was
He was – yes he was

Then he got a message on his MySpace from a girl in Kyoto
She's a lifelong fan and her record label wanted to know
If he's still got the master tapes, they want to do a re-release
Turns out he's got a cult following out there in the Far East
He was pleased
To say the least

My boss is in an indie band now
He's got a brand new band
They're twenty years younger than he is
And they're on tour in Japan
My boss is in an indie band now
And while he's got time off
They've asked if I wouldn't mind
Acting up to do his job
Now I'm the one who was
In an indie band once

Yes I was - I've played the Bull & Gate
I was, yes I was - Nigel Blackwell knows my name
I was, yes I was - I've met that Steve Lamacq
I was, yes I was - And one day I'll be back
I was in an indie band once


Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
Track Name: It Only Works Because You're Here
The phone rings nine times
Before he says 'Yes'
She's got a problem with Internet Explorer
And he's the Computer Desk
He waits and takes the lift to her floor and says
'Show me the problem then'
She's mildly mortified to find
That everything's working again
She flushes bright pink, which he thinks is wonderful
She feels like such a fool and so she says

It only works because you're here
Before you came it was broken
It only works because you're here
You've got my windows to open

Weeks pass and that's that
Until he gets in late one day
To see she's been and posted a
Post-It Note onto his screen that says
'Could you pop up when you've got a minute?'
He runs up five flights of stairs
To find her computer rebooting
And main site IT guy sat in her chair
He's red-faced and out of breath, which she thinks is wonderful
She knows he wanted to help her and so she says

It only works because you're here
Before you came it was broken
It only works because you're here
You've got my windows to open

So he pops in to see her when he's passing
And also when he's not
She's fairly sure that he feels something for her
But she can't say exactly what
He's nervous and he's shy
And that's part of the reason why
She likes him
But the vague chance of romance is not enough
Reason for her to stay
He can't believe it when he hears that she's leaving
From her whip-round wielding PA

There's not enough room on the card to fit
All the words that burn in his heart
She's leaving
It's horrible - he doesn't know what to do
Until at her leaving do he puts his hand to his heart and he says

It only works because you're here
Before you came it was broken
It only works because you're here
You've got my windows to open

She says 'Well you've left it a bit bloody late'
'So let's not waste time now - I think you're GRATE'
They kiss, crowd cheers
Main site IT guy goes home in a flood of tears


Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
Track Name: (theme from) Dinosaur Planet
Dinosaur Planet! (ah-oo, ah-oo, ah-oo)
Dinosaur Planet! (ah-oo)
Dinosaur Planet! (ah-oo, ah-oo, ah-oo)
Dinosaur Planet! ( ah-oo)

Sixty five million years ago they disappeared
Now the dinosaurs are back
The human race must learn to live in fear
The earth is under attack

From the Dinosaur Planet (ah-oo, ah-oo, ah-oo)
Dinosaur Planet (ah-oo)
Dinosaur Planet (ah-oo, ah-oo, ah-oo)
Dinosaur Planet (ah-oo)

They do not come in peace, they come in hate
Let non-saurons beware
But is there something that they're running from?
What could make a Tyrannosaur scared?

On the Dinosaur Planet (ah-oo, ah-oo, ah-oo)
Dinosaur Planet (ah-oo)
Dinosaur Planet (ah-oo, ah-oo, ah-oo)
Dinosaur Planet (ah-oo)

But could a crazy kind of love exist
Between a human and velociraptor?
Or might it only take one small kiss
To turn that cold cold blood to warm?
All it needs is someone brave enough
To go where only love can go
To hold out the hand of peace and say...
"No! No! No! Mercy!"

Clearly not. On the…
Dinosaur Planet! (ah-oo, ah-oo, ah-oo)
Dinosaur Planet! (ah-oo)
Dinosaur Planet! (ah-oo, ah-oo, ah-oo)
Dinosaur Planet! ( ah-oo)
Track Name: A Little Bit
They had it easy in the renaissance
They could invent new branches of science over lunch
But nowadays we work more incrementally
No-one's naming any new elements after us

Because we all do a little bit, that's how we do research
There's teams all round the world doing these little bits of work
We only do a little bit but it's always for the best
Every great leap forward takes a lot of little steps

And no, it isn't very glamorous
We won't make a world-shattering breakthrough
We might find an explanation for gravitic oscillation
But I somehow doubt you'll hear it on the news

Because we all do a little bit but it’s a little bit of good
And compared to working for a bank that little bit's enough
We only do a little bit but when you put them in a pot
All these little bits together turn into a lot

Like the movement of tectonic plates
That slowly change the planet
Like the tiny grains of sand that swallow cities
Like the mountains moved by rain drops
Or the jungle moved by ants
That's why my thesis isn't finished

Some people think that they can save the world all by themselves
But all of history's heroes had a little bit of help
Robin Hood had Merry Men, King Arthur had all of his knights
Even Batman had a butler to help him iron his tights

So if you do a little bit don't be belittled by
Those who do a lot of nothing that's in any way worthwhile
Let's all get on with our little bits and let's take a little pride
Knowing we are all a little bit of the future of mankind

Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
Track Name: 20 Things To Do Before You're 30
Learn another language
Do a bungee jump
Sort out your pension
And love like nobody's ever loved
Swim with dolphins
Have a business of your own
Write a novel
Climb Mount Kilimanjaro

If you're under thirty
Lucky you
But I'd suggest your time's best spent
Not trying to improve

With 20 Things To Do Before You're 30
What a crock of shit
20 Things To Do Before You're 30
Here's a better bucket list

Smoke bananas
Fall asleep on a train
Get so drunk that you
Hallucinate
Go out with someone awful
Be friends with gits
Dye your hair, shave your head,
Go for lunch and come back pissed

Go to house parties
Get into debt
Take laxatives to try and lose weight
Smoke cigarettes in bed

20 Things To Do Before You're 30
This is not a plan
20 Things To Do Before You're 30
Options, not demands

Experiment with chilli sauce
Grow a beard
Wear a long black leather jacket
And pretend that you are weird
Set fire to the oven
Forget to do Christmas cards
Drink cocktails, go to Launderettes
And pay for milk with a credit card

'Cause when you're well past 30
And you look back
You don't want to be thinking how cool you were
You want to think "What a twat!"

20 Things To Do Before You're 30
This is not advice
20 Things To Do Before You're 30
'Cause in later life

You'll be busy eating shortbread
And collecting Allen Keys
If you're wide awake at 4am
You'll be going for a wee
You'll live in mortal fear
Of having to buy shoes
If you're seeing something at 10pm
It'll be the news

But whatever happens
You can relax
Safe in the knowledge that you don't have to do
Any of the crap

Of 20 Things To Do Before You're 30
No thanks, you're all right
20 Things To Do Before You're 30
No longer apply
20 Things To Do Before You're 30

Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
Track Name: (You Make Me Feel) Soft Rock
When you hold my hand
As we leave the pub
Feels like we've left Leytonstone far behind
And we're walking in Hollywood
And when you smile at me
When I make the tea
When we get back home
I feel my denims rip
My t-shirt shrinks
And I've lost five stone

'Cause you make me want to punch the air
I might look like a wazzock but I don't care
Got a wind machine, amazing hair
You make me feel Soft Rock

Is this the 257
Or an F18?
Am I on a bike at the gym
Or on a silver dream machine?
And when we're sorting out the shopping list
Or you ring me up at lunch
I hear Fenders sing
And the things I think
Would make Prince blush

'Cause you make me want to punch the air
I might look like a wazzock but I don't care
Got a wind machine, amazing hair
You make me feel Soft Rock

Oh baby tonight we're gonna rock
We've got a half bottle of wine in the fridge
And Doc Marten on the Tivo box
Get the Pringles open
We're gonna have a crazy night
I'll do your hot water bottle
We'll have whisky in bed
And we'll listen to Radio 5

You make me want to punch the air
I might look like a wazzock but I don't care
Got a wind machine, amazing hair
You make me feel -

You make me want to punch the air
I might look like a wazzock but I don't care
Got a wind machine, amazing hair
You make me feel Soft Rock

Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
Track Name: We Did It Anyway
We never won an award
We never got on the news
We weren't the talk of the town
We never got a review
No photography shoots
For the cover of a fashion magazine
And if you take a look in the record books
You won't find me

Everything that we've done
Has been roundly ignored
By the makers of taste
And the style reports
In a time yet to come
When they're writing the history
Of the human race, there'll be no trace
Of you and me

But we did it anyway
We were unaware
Much too busy having fun
To know that no-one cared

'Cause you know, we did have some fun
And we did have some laughs
In fact a lot of them were
The best times I ever had
All the places we went
Everything that we did and we said
It’s amazing to think of all the dancing and drink
And all the people we met

And we did it anyway
Just because we could
If I could have that time again
You know what? I bloody would!

So you can stuff your awards
Forget the fame and the wealth
'Cause you know I wouldn't swap
This life for anything else
Who needs a glowing review?
Don’t bother asking for exclusive interviews
I don’t need to have a lot of medals and cash
When I’ve got friends like you

And we'll still do it anyway
Just because it’s good
We don’t need the approval
Of anyone

We'll still do it anyway
And it will be great
Who cares if no-one ever knows?
We’ll do it anyway
We’ll do it anyway
We’ll do it anyway
Track Name: The Fair Play Trophy (Again) [World Cup Bonus Track!]
England are a team of virtuous Saints
They exercise super-human restraint
Their gentlemanly conduct leaves the opposition feeling moved
They'll never swear and they'll never frown
They'll never ever claim that they were wrongly taken down
And maybe you might say that that's the reason they always lose.

But we'll get the Fair Play Trophy once again.
Because it's the team that's the nicest that's the one that actually wins
We want the Fair Play Trophy once again
And we'll face the final in the pub with a pint and a cheesy grin.

I really hope that we get through the groups
If we manage that i don't care what they do
If we get beat by the Belgique then you won't see me cry
We could get thrashed by Holland or Spain
Or get knocked out on penalties by Germany again
As long as we keep that stiff upper lip flying high

Then we'll get the Fair Play Trophy once again.
Because it's the team that's the nicest that's the one that actually wins
We want the Fair Play Trophy once again
And we'll face the final in the pub with a pint and a cheesy grin.

And if we get to the final and win
No matter what terrible drunken state we're in
We will go back to the UEFA (or whatever they're called these days)
And as a Nation we will say:

Give us the Fair Play Trophy once again
Because it's the team that's the nicest that's the one that actually wins
We want the Fair Play Trophy once again
And we'll face the final in the pub with a pint and a cheesy grin

Test me for banned substances!
Give us a pint, give us a pint, give us a grin

Give us the Fair Play Trophy once again
Because it's the team that's the nicest that's the one that actually wins
We want the Fair Play Trophy once again
And we'll face the final in the pub with a pint and a cheesy grin

We'll face the final in the pub with a pint and a cheesy grin

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