All Around My House

by MJ Hibbett

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about

Fourteen and a half songs ("It's A Fair Cop" was written with Vom Vorton) all written and recorded during February Album Month 2008. It was issued as an EXTREMELY limited edition CD over the course of one weekend with all covers hand folded by me!

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released 01 March 2008

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MJ Hibbett & The Validators UK

MJ Hibbett & The Validators have performed live on Radio One, had a Record Of The Year in Rolling Stone, an Album Of The Day on 6Music, released one of the first ever viral videos, toured the UK and Europe, featured in an Edinburgh Fringe Festival show, and recorded a science fiction rock opera, all while maintaining their complete independence from outside record labels. ... more

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Track Name: Pylons Are GRATE
When the Romans proposed that they build the viaduct
The local parish Council said no thank you very much
Our decision on planning permission is denied
It'll ruin all our views of the ancient countryside

But the Romans didn't care. They built it anyway.
And as centuries passed everyone agreed:
Viaducts are GRATE

When the mains electrical voltage was standardised
And plans for the National Grid were first devised
Sir Reginald Blomfield chose a Milliken Brothers Design
To carry the power to the people across the sky

Benign giants supplying us with energy
There'll come a time when everyone will see:
Pylons are GRATE

In the 27th Century Commitees will be set up
To oversee the preservation of the nation's greatest love
Titanic symbols of the time when everyone was first
Connected to a national electrical network

And none of our descendants will believe
There was a time when not everyone agreed
Pylons are bloody GRATE

History will be my judge
They've been really good
Like the Viaduct
Time will make them loved




Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
Track Name: The Ballad Of Alan Moore
Like almost every Thursday lunchtime
I was at the comics rack
Flipping through Countdown Arena
Thinking Yes, I know it's crap
But it's got alternate universes
Which I'm a sucker for
When I heard a voice I thought I knew
And looking up I saw

Alan Moore! Alan Moore!
Standing in the corner of the store
Alan Moore! Alan Moore!
Standing in the corner of the store

Well, the entire shop went silent
As everybody realised
Our generation's hero
Had caught us all buying shite
So I quickly made my purchases
Then ran out of the door
So I could ring my best beloved
And say Guess who i just saw!

Alan Moore! Alan Moore!
Standing in the corner of the store
Alan Moore! Alan Moore!
Standing in the corner of the store

She said "That is amazing"
"But are you really sure?"
I said he's got a beard and ringed fingers
And he's nine foot tall
He cruises the imagisphere
And wields a warlock's staff
With Glycon the sock puppet God
And Cthulu singing that

It's Alan Moore! Alan Moore!
He's standing in the corner of your store
Alan Moore! Alan Moore!
We command his bibliography's recall

Mogo Doesn't Socialise
Top Ten, Tom Strong, Supreme
Whatever Happened To The Man Of Tomorrow?
Promethea, The League
Watchmen, V and Marvelman
Swamp Thing, Halo Jones
The double decker brain and Skizz
And Captain Britain - oh!

Hang on just a minute - suddenly I see
It was Alan Moore who sparked my love
Of Multiverse theory

So I ran back to the shop
And grabbed him in a manly hug
And said I thank for the years
Of comics I've loved, bad and good
Or at least that's what I would have done
On Earth 1610
But on Earth Prime, I was far too scared
And so I just went home

So Alan Moore! Alan Moore!
Never knew how much I had to thank him for
Alan Moore! Alan Moore!
I'd hate to think he thought he was ignored
Alan Moore! Alan Moore!
I wrote this song to thank you, Alan Moore




Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
Track Name: O.A.C.
Stood in the supermarket
I saw a packet
Labelled as a Senior Choice
It's full of good vitamins
For Senior Citizens
Hope it's something you'll enjoy

Because you're an old lady now
Your night-time cacophany's
Quietened down
Because you're an old lady now
You're our OAC

There was a shape flying
Along the fence and I
Wondered if it might be you
But you were sat snoring
Where you'd been all morning
The sofa in the living room

Because you're an old lady now
The murder rate locally's
Coming right down
Because you're an old lady now
You're our OAC

But when you think nobody's looking
You'll still play with your mouse
And though you're not quite as hands on as you once were
You're still head of the house

Because you're an old lady now
Still purring, demanding
Your dinner right now
Because you're an old lady now
You're our OAC




Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
Track Name: Man Band
Now my friend Charlie, he's in a band
Of all it's members, he's the odd one out
He's got a whole lot of women in the back of his van
And a pack of paracetamol, for when things get loud

I said hey Charlie, how do you cope?
Is it fabulousy wonderful? He said, no
But i'm gonna try and do this, while I still can
And for when I can't there's my retirement plan

I'm gonna form a man band - see if I don't
And it's gonna be a man band, butch as The Pope
There'll be a whole lot of farting and stupid jokes
And it's gonna be a man band that's full of blokes

Well we'll turn up in our work clothes and not get changed
And if we like a funny story we'll tell it again
We won't talk about our feelings or stuff like that
And none of us will ever think we look fat

Cos i'm gonna form a man band before I'm dead
And we'll practice for the man band in someone's shed
Every single member in it'll have Y Chromosomes
And it's gonna be a man band that's full of blokes

I said can I join please? And he said yes
I asked him when it's happening? He said not yet
He said he'll struggle on surrounded by gorgeous birds
He could stand a few more years of talking to girls

Because if you form a man band you may well rock
But the members of a man band smell like old socks
And they will never compliment you no matter what you wear
Because the members of a man band won't care

So we're gonna form a man band on one fine day
And it's gonna be a grand band - come and watch us play
Especially if you are a lady, because you know
It's boring in a man band when it's just blokes





Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
Track Name: Some Things Are Small, Some Things Are Far Away
A window pain can contain
An entire mountain range
And you can occlude the whole of the moon
With a normal table spoon

But I want to know how long I have to go
Before you are hidden from view?
Because however far I am from where you are
I can still see glimpses of you

Some things are far away
And some are small

A bit of distance makes a lot of difference
To the span of my eclipse
The details get less clear as I move through the year
And your outline seems to shrink

But though you fade away I'm sure you'll always stay
A massive landmark on my mind
Part of the scenery even if i need
A telescope to find you

Some things are far away
And some are small

But now I can't work out where you are
I've not looked for you in a while
And now better days are getting in the way
Of seeing that part of my life

I should have made a map I should remember that
Mistakes can be made about size
Because sometimes it's hard to get perspective
When you've closed one of your eyes

Some things are big
And some things were just near


Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
Track Name: Like We All Are
As a youth I used to do gigs and wonder
Will this one be the big one, the one where
I am noticed by the benign eye
Of an industry insider?

But A&R men never came by and this
Made me think I couldn't really exist
Will I ever be discovered, I cried out
Like some sort of pillock

But like America
I was already there
You can't discover something that's been known by its indigenous people
(for so many years)

So I thought, all right, I'll do it myself
I'll write a whole batch of songs that I think will sell
To an audience identified by reading the print media
But re-invention's harder than it looks

The vital factor unidentified in the guide books
Is that the corset's not been made that will
Cover up this sort of beer belly

Because like the Charge Coupled Device

I was invented one night in 1969
And though there may be amendments I will never differ far from my patent
(no re-application required)

And then one day I thought bugger this
If no-one else is interested
Why keep on trying?
Why not just do what i like?

And so that is exactly what I did
And immediately every gig
Became less like an application process
And more like an adventure
It was less like an application process
And more like an adventure

It's like when they regrade your job
And you have to reapply, it's not
Like they can give it to somebody else
Because then what would you do? (assuming you


Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
Track Name: The Millionaire Footballer
The papers said it's a disgrace
When they saw the size of his wage
And questions were asked in the Upper House
About curtailing how much he gets paid
But they'd never ever think to look
At how much their kind pays themselves
For contributing so much less
Towards the sum of human happiness

Because the millionaire footballer
Cannot deserve all that
Because the millionaire footballer
Is far too working class

It makes no jot of difference
Who he knows or where he went to school
His earnings and his employer's earnings are dependent how well they do
Who his father was has no bearing upon how well he'll play
And your performances are audited every single Saturday

The millionaire footballer
Earnt everything he has
The millionaire footballer
Is hated by the ruling class
Because the millionaire footballer
Is everything they're not
The Millionaire footballer
Must be stopped

They'll pick upon his sex life
Which compared to theirs is mild
And they'll mock his taste in clothes and friends
Whilst braying with their tribe
And they'd rather watch the rugby
Where they're never surrounded by
The throng of working men and women
Who they utterly despise

If you don't have the taste or decency to be born into wealth
Don't dare to have a dream and chase it, and don't you dare do well
The Millionaire footballer
Must be put back in his place
Or the millionaire footballer
Could kick down the state
Because the Millionaire footballer
Is a bad example to the rest
If the power of the Premiership is challenged
God knows who might be next



Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
Track Name: The Home Of Her Dreams
Up at the top of the shop she looked down and thought
It could be easily done
All of her problems could come to a halt
If she just had the gumption to jump

But the thought of the mess it'd make for someone
And the chance that she'd just break her leg
Makes her come back, take a last soggy drag
And she's soon plodding down through the steps

Back at the job in the shop that she got when she lost
Any hope that she'd ever be free
Of the debt she'd accepted when she signed away
Her whole life for the home of her dreams

And come nine o'clock she's already locked up
And she's off to the club to clock on
She works on the door, then she's mopping the floor
When the clientele finally go home

Then it's red bull and coke as she takes off her coat
When the agency van picks her up
Does eight hours on the line, finishes just in time
To get back into town on the bus

Back at the job in the shop that she got when she lost
Any hope that she'd ever be free
Of the debt she'd accepted when she signed away
Her whole life for the home of her dreams

The only way she could manage to pay
Was to stopping wasting time in her sleep
So she took on more jobs till she found that she'd not
Been through her own front door for a week

So she went back to the house, cleaned and rented it out
And with repayments increased, realised
If she could manage to live to a hundred and six
She might be able to retire

From the job in the shop that she got when she lost
Any hope that she'd ever be free
Of the debt she'd accepted when she signed away
Her whole life for the home of her dreams

But the job in the shop was the last tiny drop
In the bucket that caused it to spill
She had a heart attack, leaving shelves yet to pack
Cracked her head as she fell on the till

She hoped to be dead, but she woke up in bed
With a lawyer beside who frowned
He said now you've emerged from your coma I'd urge
You to declare insolvency now

And her pleas were rejected, her tenants ejected
And she found herself in bankrupcy
And the job in the shop, that was lost but she got
Back her hopes, and her life and her dreams
She slept for a week


Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
Track Name: Next To Me
She's making noises again
That means she's gone to sleep
I'm gonna fall out of bed
If she keeps on pushing me

And as I lie here wide awake at midnight
There's nowhere else I'd rather be
Clinging onto the duvet for dear life
With her next to me

A chorus of car alarms
A post-club row on the street
A taxi blowing his horn
And next door with his drum machine

As as I lie here wide awake in the night
There's nowhere else I'd rather be
Listening to a city staying alive
With her next to me

I'm never gonna get to sleep
I'm never gonna get to sleep
I'll have to make myself a cup of tea
Where's all this sunlight come from?

She's turning over again
She's on my side of the bed
She's in my territory
I welcome the invading leg

And when I finally manage opening my eyes
There's nowhere else I'd rather being
Being the first today to look at her smile
Because she's next to me




Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
Track Name: Gillette Soccer Saturday
Watching Television
On Saturday afternoon
I've got a lot of channels
On my Duovision Freeview
But we haven't got a package
For any Movies or for Sport
So there is only one choice
If you want the latest score:

It's Gilette Soccer Saturday

Presented by Jeff Stelling
with a panel of expert views
They've got reporters all around the country
Passing on the latest news
But you never see live action
You only get verbal reports
If you want to see what's happening
You need to subscribe to Sky Sports

Not Gilette Soccer Saturday

Watching people watching television
Hearing the excitement of the game
Feeling second hand all the emotion
Isn't every other show the same?

As Gilette Soccer Saturday


Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
Track Name: Dishwasher
Walking home I prayed to God above
To please deliver me from washing up
But when I walked in I remembered we'd got
Plumbed in between the sink and the work top

A dishwasher - Dishwasher!
Saving so much of our time
Dishwasher - Dishwasher!
Improving our quality of life

Hunched over the cooker I thought Good Grief
I've used a milion pans to make our Tea
It'll take a year to clean these pots
Then I turned left and realised that we've got

Dishwasher - Dishwasher!
Saving so much of our time
Dishwasher - Dishwasher!
Improving our quality of life

It's extra silent, don't make no racket
You just stack it and unstack it

Living in the future's full of trials
But something GRATE turns up once in a while
And when it does, I say, let's celebrate
A White Good that I think is GRATE

Dishwasher - Dishwasher!
Saving so much of our time
Dishwasher - Dishwasher!
Improving our quality of life


Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
Track Name: It Isn't Jetpacks
When I got myself a mobile phone
I thought I doubt I'll use it that often
But within half a week
I was texting you ten times a day

And now I can't go out without ringing home
At least once a night, and more if drunk
And if we're meeting at 6
I'll ring you at 18 hundred and 1.

And now when I watch DVDs
It's incomprehensible to me
That Magnum doesn't just ring Higgins
And say I've been shot

When I met my friends at the Beer Festival
We would wonder what happened to Stefan?
It was a mystery - where was he?
Had he followed his dream?

And then I looked him up in Yahoo Search
And found his homepage and address
And now he's on Friends United
And probably on Facebook

And now when I watch DVDs
It seems inefficient to me
That Magnum doesn't Google his clients
To check out their story

Now we're eight years into the future
And life's changed in ways we'd not seen
With laptops, and wireless and texting
Downloaded music, digital TV

But still, it isn't Jet Packs
We never get to teleport
And I'd rather have a moon walk
Than BBCi, Sky One or More4
And if Magnum were here, his litte voice
Would whisper, I guess it's OK
But still, it isn't Jet Packs, in space



Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
Track Name: Nobody Believed It
When the spacecraft crashed on Debden
It caused an increase in time
For journeys on the Central Line
BUt they said that it was Passenger Action
So apart from some fuss
About the rail replacement bus
Everything carried on as normal
Much to the confusion of the spacecraft's crew

When people rang into the radio station
Who'd heard a strange unearthly noise
On the approach to Theydon Bois
The experts told them it was just a bit of thunder
And that the bright lights in the sky
Were merely normal meteorites

And people laughed and said Well that's all all right then
As alien warriors marched into Buckhurst Hill

And as they set up their machines and started processing the populace
The people smiled and said "Bloody students!"
And when the nuclear attacks began to rain down on the West End
Everybody said "Oh look, the Northern Lights!"

Everything's all right
Everything's all right

And as the refugees and wounded walked Northwards
It was the last thing on the news
No-one even emailed their views
And the police who went to marshal fleeing millions
Gave the official crowd size
As between four thousand and five

And people laughed and said "Typical London!"
As the mothership descended and destroyed Derby

And as they started up the Pain Cyclones to wipe out human lifeforms
People coming home from pubs put up umbrellas
And when the Psychic Witches started chanting Mantras of Destruction
People tutted, closed their eyes, switched off the light

Everything's all right
Everything's all right

And almost nobody believed it
And those that did were mad
Wrote angry letters to the papers
Demanding rebates in their Council Tax

Disappointed, disillusioned
With their plans to kill the globe
Too upset to carry on now
So two days later the invasion force went home


Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
Track Name: Giant Robots And Gorillas (Riding Dinosaurs)
Now, I've got a friend who likes indie comics
He thinks that they're really GRATE
He likes their realistic, almost kitchen-sink drama
Telling tales of people to whom he relates

But if i wanted ordinary normal life stories
I'd cast a hungry ear over bus queues
And if I wanted to know how it feels to live like you do
I might as well listen to you

So give me giant robots and gorillas
Riding dinosaurs
Alternative dimensions, cyber-cops and future wars
Or better still something of which
I've never even thought
And giant robots and gorillas
Riding dinosaurs

In a medium of infinite possibile direction
I do not see why anyone would prefer
To stick to stories you can see on any television
That we've all heard a million times before

Unfettered by restrictions of physics or of budgets
Imagination is free to create
Fantastic new ideas, scenarios and questions
The only limitation is your BRAIN

Give me giant robots and gorillas
Riding dinosaurs
Super heroes, supervillains, extraterrestrials
Or better still something of which
I've never even thought
And giant robots and gorillas
Riding dinosaurs

Or is it maybe that some people are embarrassed
To be discovered reading a comic?
So they call them graphic novels, or sequential narraton
And say Look! This one's about relationships!

Let's tell them not to pander to small-minded criticism
Don't be guided by what stupid people think
Don't hide signs to the future inside dreary emo whinging
Come face front, true believer, as we sing:

Give me giant robots and gorillas
Riding dinosaurs
By Grant Morrison, Stan Lee, Jack Kirby, Alan Moore
Or better still something of which
You have suddenly thought
And giant robots and gorillas
Riding dinosaurs




Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing
Track Name: It's A Fair Cop
Any minute the ticket inspector
Will draw level with my seat and he'll say
This ticket isn't valid
For any kind of travel
Anywhere sir, at this time of day

Any second now the bus conductor
Will tell me We do not accept this pass
Please don't make a fuss
And just get off my bus
You don't belong here and you never have

I'll shrug and say fair cop
I'm actually quite shocked
To have got away with it for this long

Surely someday soon my boss will find out
I've no qualifications for this task
I'll be asked to quietly leave
Handing in my key
To a frowning member of the admin staff

I'll shrug and say fair cop
I'm actually quite shocked
To have got away with it for this long

My friends don't seem to notice that I'm rubbish
God knows how I have fooled them for this long
I'm holding up my hands and saying yes sir
It's must be true, I'm nothing but a con

I'll shrug and say fair cop
I'm actually quite shocked
To have got away with it for this long

My missus hasn't worked out I'm a pillock
For some reason she seems to think I'm cool
I'll maintain the facade
Because it would break my heart
If she worked out how much better she could do

I'll shrug and say fair cop
I'm actually quite shocked
To have got away with it for this long
But baby, I'll repent
My wicked ways I'll mend
And I'll try to be the me you thought you'd got


Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing