1. |
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Like Black Bolt with a cob on
You sit there in a sulk
While everybody else is down the pub
You might think your time's spent better
Doing research in your room
But you are not Mr Fantastic, you're Doctor Doom
So Victor, just for you
Here's a universal truth
Being happy doesn't make you stupid
Being clever shouldn't make you sad
Having fun will never turn you daft
Do you believe sarcastic sneering
Is the best way to react
To a rotten world only you understand?
If the planet's all that awful
Then don't you think you should
Try and use your mighty power for good?
It doesn't take a Cosmic Cube
To see that what I say is true
Being happy doesn't make you stupid
Being clever shouldn't make you sad
Having fun will never turn you daft
We spend all our lives trapped inside
A prison made of bone
The sound of laughter says we're not alone
We're not alone
Don't be alone
You're not alone
Let this epiphany begin
Your brand new secret origin
Being happy doesn't make you stupid
Being clever shouldn't make you sad
Having fun will never turn you daft
Put this message in a bottle
Send that bottle back through time
I know someone who could use this advice
Hey there Emo Boy give us all a smile
Hey there Emo Boy give us all a smile
Hey there Emo Boy give us all a smile
Hey there Emo Boy give us all a smile
Being happy doesn't make you stupid
Being clever shouldn't make you sad
Having fun will never turn you daft
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2. |
Love Instead
03:07
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She got the British Shoe Bus
He got the same one every day
He was there whether she was early or she was late
He watched her like a front door
Waiting for a postman's knock
After a while she asked him why this was
He told her he had travelled back in time
To make sure he would never make her cry
She said "Oh, right"
He looked too old and timid
To be a threat if violent
She assumed he was harmless and they became friends
They'd sometimes meet outside work
Always at a precise time
He insisted on promptness, she didn't really mind
He always told her he had travelled back in time
To make sure he would never make her cry
She said "But why?"
Because I know
What happens next
And I want you
To be loved instead
One night out she noticed
All his clothes were turning grey
His hair and facial features started to fade
He smiled when he saw this
And said "Well, this has got to prove"
"That the future I came back from has been removed"
And as he disappeared he said bye, bye, bye
I promised I would never make you cry
She was quite surprised
She staggered from the cafe
Into a pub just down the road
And bumped into a young man she seemed to know
It was, of course, his younger self
Who he'd been trying to keep her from
So he'd never do that things that he himself did wrong
He always told her he had travelled back in time
To make sure he would never make her cry
And he hadn't lied
But now she didn't know
What would happen next
She sort of hoped
They'd find love instead
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3. |
Do More, Eat Less
02:29
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The reason that you're fat is that you eat too much
It's not to do with your metabolism
Your glands, your gran, your genetics
The fact that you packed smoking in
Are another bunch of things it isn't
You need to ditch this list of excuses
The only way to lose weight is
A simple plan that's still the best
Do more, eat less
If your physique makes you depressed
Do more, eat less
If bending over makes you sweat
Say no to lifts and take the steps
Do more, eat less
Now your lifestyle decisions aren't my issue
Your BMI scale rating's not my business
What pulls my chain is when you say
It's so unfair I can't lose weight
While wolfing down another pack of Pringles
Let's quit the grisling and let's act
Like adults and accept the fact
There's just one way to shed that flesh
Do more, eat less
If you would like a looser vest
Do more, eat less
Oh gentlemen with bouncing breasts
Who walk like weebles in distress
Do more, eat less
It's not just weight where this applies
There's an awful lot of work we've got to do in life
And there are no
Level skipping cheat codes
But to put the blame on agencies outside won't help
We've got to take responsibility for ourselves
And say 'Hey Hey!'
I got myself into this mess
I'll do more, eat less
It's time that I got out of bed
I'll do more, eat less
When stuck in ruts inside your head
Abandon tractor, walk instead
Do more, eat less
Up to your eyeballs in bad debt
Do more, eat less
Cannot attract the fairer sex
Do more, eat less
Wake up that inner voice that says
No to self-pity, to life yes
Do more, eat less
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4. |
The Mystery Train
03:09
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Nothing has ever been as shit
As a Rail Replacement Bus Service
It's no replacement for a train
When there's no toilet or a buffet and it's always bloody late
It's your own fault if you try
To travel at the weekend or during the night
Because train timetables are
Devised by puritans with grudges and/or a car
Believing after half past ten
We should all be tucked up in bed
But there used to be a line
That crept across the Midlands shortly after closing time
When the last band had come off
You could still get from Leics to Notts
Upon the Mystery Train
It was a Mystery Train
'Cos late night fun does not fit in
With network financial planning
It's a breed that's becoming extinct
Hunted down and shot by railway bosses who seem to think
That a train should just be for
Movement between home and work
And now wherever I go
I look much less in expectation than in hope
For public transport that believes
We're public first, not employees
I'm looking for a Mystery Train
Where is the Mystery Train?
There are other ways to gauge
A worth beyond effect on wage
I almost fell into the trap
Of thinking everything was crap
These dark thoughts flit across your mind
When you're stuck on the M1 for hours 'cos your journey's been retimed
But I was wrong
To assume the days of Mystery Trains had all but been and gone
I moved down South
To London and discovered the joys of the Overground
It's a whole other set of tracks
Not shown in back of diary maps
It's full of Mystery Trains
Let's take the Mystery Trains
New Cross, New Malden, Gospel Oak
Barking, Bickley, Blackhorse Road
Thames Ditton, Forest Hill and Penge
They'll take you where you're going and if you're lucky back again
Upon the mystery train
There's always mystery trains
Long live the mystery train
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5. |
We Can Start Having Fun
02:52
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We can start having fun
When all our homework's done
When we've revised
Our mocks and applied
For University
We can start making friends
When this semester ends
There's theses to write
And CVs to type
I'm a team player
We can start to relax
In the next band of tax
We've children to raise
And more bills to pay
Responsibilities
I have spent most of my life
Doing what I hoped was right
I've studied and learnt
I've saved, paid and earnt
I've done enough waiting
Let people laugh all that they like
I want a motorbike
Screw caravans
I'm joining a band
Won't you play piano?
So take my hand and come on
Let's bugger off into the sun
Let's spend all our cash
While we still can
We can start having fun
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6. |
Kinder
02:09
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7. |
Red Black Gold
02:49
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RED BLACK GOLD! RED BLACK GOLD!
RED BLACK GOLD! RED BLACK GOLD!
Near a lonely layby on the B6061
Stands a petrol station rarely used by anyone
There behind the cashier's desk
The sleeper agent waits
For the signal from the Kremlin
Telling him to activate
Part of a chain of service stations funded by the KGB
Designed to form invasion staging posts for the Red Army
RED BLACK GOLD! RED BLACK GOLD!
RED BLACK GOLD! RED BLACK GOLD!
The rest of the chain was quietly sold when the Cold War had cooled down
The sleeper used his agent's pension to buy the leasehold out
It's all he's ever known to do
So he prefers to wait
For the signal from the Kremlin
Telling him to activate
So say 'nyet' to Welcome Break, let Moto be ignored
Look for the final holdout
On the island of Mam Tor
RED BLACK GOLD! RED BLACK GOLD!
Searching online for the lyrics to 'Ask'
I found an unofficial homepage
With a furious debate between teenagers over
The words of a Morrissey phrase
Some said he sang 'It is the bond' meaning the bond
That forms when the lovers unite
Others thought it was 'The Bomb' like explosions
That go off when love unrequited requites
But of course it's the bomb, it's the nuclear bomb
Is the bomb that'll bring them together
But none of them knew, they had no idea what it meant
And I thought, well that's great, that we live in an age
Where the kids don't live in certain knowledge
That they'll all be wiped out beneath a mushroom cloud
Before they're halfway through sixth form college
And I know that the world isn't perfect, I know there's lots wrong
But at least we have managed to turn round the words of one song
Because it's not the bomb, it's not the bomb
That'll bring us together
And if it's not the bomb maybe it's love
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8. |
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My boss was in an indie band once
He's still got his paisley shirt
He reckons that the ethics of punk
Can be applied to the world of work
My boss was in an indie band once
He's still kicking out the jams
He says Here are three bullet points
Go and form a Business Plan
Because my boss was in an indie band once
Yes he was
He was – yes he was
My boss was in an indie band once
He never sold his bass
It's in the attic with a box of his singles
And the master tapes
My boss was in an indie band once
And when he started working here
It was meant to be a temporary gig
While he reassessed his Rock Career
My boss was in an indie band once
Yes he was
He was – yes he was
Then he got a message on his MySpace from a girl in Kyoto
She's a lifelong fan and her record label wanted to know
If he's still got the master tapes, they want to do a re-release
Turns out he's got a cult following out there in the Far East
He was pleased
To say the least
My boss is in an indie band now
He's got a brand new band
They're twenty years younger than he is
And they're on tour in Japan
My boss is in an indie band now
And while he's got time off
They've asked if I wouldn't mind
Acting up to do his job
Now I'm the one who was
In an indie band once
Yes I was - I've played the Bull & Gate
I was, yes I was - Nigel Blackwell knows my name
I was, yes I was - I've met that Steve Lamacq
I was, yes I was - And one day I'll be back
I was in an indie band once
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9. |
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The phone rings nine times
Before he says 'Yes'
She's got a problem with Internet Explorer
And he's the Computer Desk
He waits and takes the lift to her floor and says
'Show me the problem then'
She's mildly mortified to find
That everything's working again
She flushes bright pink, which he thinks is wonderful
She feels like such a fool and so she says
It only works because you're here
Before you came it was broken
It only works because you're here
You've got my windows to open
Weeks pass and that's that
Until he gets in late one day
To see she's been and posted a
Post-It Note onto his screen that says
'Could you pop up when you've got a minute?'
He runs up five flights of stairs
To find her computer rebooting
And main site IT guy sat in her chair
He's red-faced and out of breath, which she thinks is wonderful
She knows he wanted to help her and so she says
It only works because you're here
Before you came it was broken
It only works because you're here
You've got my windows to open
So he pops in to see her when he's passing
And also when he's not
She's fairly sure that he feels something for her
But she can't say exactly what
He's nervous and he's shy
And that's part of the reason why
She likes him
But the vague chance of romance is not enough
Reason for her to stay
He can't believe it when he hears that she's leaving
From her whip-round wielding PA
There's not enough room on the card to fit
All the words that burn in his heart
She's leaving
It's horrible - he doesn't know what to do
Until at her leaving do he puts his hand to his heart and he says
It only works because you're here
Before you came it was broken
It only works because you're here
You've got my windows to open
She says 'Well you've left it a bit bloody late'
'So let's not waste time now - I think you're GRATE'
They kiss, crowd cheers
Main site IT guy goes home in a flood of tears
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10. |
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11. |
This Is The Soundcheck
02:00
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This is not happening
We haven't started yet
This is not the gig
This is the soundcheck
Don't give us your applause
Save that for the main set
We like to be ignored
During the soundcheck
This is as good as it gets
This is the soundcheck
TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO
This is the soundcheck
And now we're back on stage
And we're like men possessed
We are so rock and roll
Forget the soundcheck
Or you might ask yourself
Is this all for effect
They didn't seem to care
During the soundcheck
Although we dance and shout
Behind our eyes we're dead
We are not here for fun
This is the soundcheck
So be careful to not get excited
Try not to break a sweat
It wouldn't do to express an emotion
During the soundcheck
Is this as good as it gets?
Or is it the soundcheck?
TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO
This is the soundcheck
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MJ Hibbett & The Validators London, UK
MJ Hibbett & The Validators have performed live on Radio One, had a Record Of The Year in Rolling Stone, an Album Of The Day on 6Music, released one of the first ever viral videos, toured the UK and Europe, featured in an Edinburgh Fringe Festival show, and recorded a science fiction rock opera, all while maintaining their complete independence from outside record labels. ... more
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